Barney Miller (TV Series)
Snow Job (1975)
Abe Vigoda: Det. Phil Fish
Quotes
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Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Hey, Fish! You wouldn't believe what makes a guy like that do what he does, man.
Det. Phil Fish : It's the weather. When it gets damp and cold, people get depressed, irritable and unpleasant. In the winter, Scandinavia has more lunatics per capita than any other country in the world.
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : No kidding!
Det. Phil Fish : Bernice is Scandinavian, but only on her mother's side. She usually cheers up around... the middle of February.
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Capt. Barney Miller : [to Fish] What about the night shift? Are they going to make it?
Det. Phil Fish : I don't think so. The guys who live on Long Island can't get to Manhattan.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, that means the guys who live in Manhattan can't get to Long Island.
Det. Phil Fish : Right.
Capt. Barney Miller : Why don't we call Long Island and have them keep the guys who can't get to Manhattan, and we'll keep the guys who can't get to Long Island.
Det. Phil Fish : [shakes his head] They tried it once and they didn't like it. It made too much sense.
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[Wojo is putting the store payroll in the safe]
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : [looking at safe] What's the combination on this thing? I forgot it again.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : One to the left, two to the right, three to the left, four to the right.
Det. Phil Fish : That's the way to do the Varsity Drag.
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Lyle W. Farber : I apologize.
Det. Phil Fish : That's okay.
Lyle W. Farber : I apologize to the entire world.
Det. Phil Fish : On behalf of the entire world, I accept your apology.
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Det. Phil Fish : Put it over there on the desk
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey Barney, wait till you see what we got here. Siegel's Department store hasn't been able to make a deposit for a week, so they asked us to keep their receipts -- keep till morning. I said okay. Is it okay ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Wojciehowicz, we're working on a half-shift. We can't baby-sit somebody's payroll
Det. Phil Fish : An employee told us that they secretly heard they we're being set-up for a rip-off. They'd like to avoid trouble.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I have never seen so much money in my life. Take a look.
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Det. Phil Fish : Hey, Barney this is marvelous. Deputy Inspector
Capt. Barney Miller : There is a slim chance of anything like that happening. But, it is a kind of a kick to see in a official publication
Det. Phil Fish : Deputy Inspector. I know guys who have been on the force 30 or 40 years and never even been considered for a job like this. Take me for instance. I'm proud. I am going to put it on the bulletin board.
Capt. Barney Miller : No. No. Don't say anything. Don't tell anyone. It would be causing a lot of excitement over nothing. I haven't even told Liz.
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Capt. Barney Miller : Fish, there are five precinct captains who got more time in on the force than I do
Det. Phil Fish : We are all going to miss you
Capt. Barney Miller : It's Cook, Leeds, Stevenson, Rourke and Burns
Det. Phil Fish : And Carmichael
Capt. Barney Miller : You know what politics and seniority means in an appointment like this.
Det. Phil Fish : I got a feeling your going to make it,
Capt. Barney Miller : Come on, don't be ridiculous. Carmichael... Whose Carmichael
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Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : What happened ?
Det. Phil Fish : Flasher committed suicide, but very badly.
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Pete : You know, that's a very old model
Det. Phil Fish : Your not kidding,They don't make it like they used to
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Capt. Barney Miller : [about the flasher] He tried to electrocute himself, he stuck one finger in an outlet and one foot in the toilet bowl.
Det. Phil Fish : No kidding... I didn't know he was that tall.