My Wife and Kids (TV Series)
Thru Thick and Thin (2001)
Damon Wayans: Michael Kyle
Photos
Quotes
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Michael Kyle : [in a dream where Michael is morbidly obese] Don't tell Kady this, but I got hungry and ate her goldfish on the way down.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Oh no, Michael, not again!
Michael Kyle : Uh huh, I get hungry.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Maybe next time just get her a puppy.
Michael Kyle : Hmmmm, a puppy!
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Stop!
Michael Kyle : Maybe a little barbecue sauce...
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Will you just stop?
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Michael Kyle : [talking to Dr. Bouche] I don't know what happened to my wife. She left with a body of J. Lo and came back with a body like Jello.
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Michael Kyle : Remember when I lost my hair, you had all the jokes? I was Sherman Hemsley, I was Mr. Clean, I was Kojack, remember this?
[sticks his head under her armpit]
Michael Kyle : You said I was your roll on deodorant.
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : It's funnier when it's you instead of me, Michael,
Michael Kyle : Well we need to laugh at you, Jay, because we can either laugh at this or you need to do something about it.
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Michael Kyle : So how's your mother?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Oh please, you know how she is, she had me cooking for her all the time. Her answer to everything has always been food.
Michael Kyle : You must've had a million questions.
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Claire Kyle : [in Jay's dream they're all morbidly obese] Hey guess what? I got my navel pierced.
Michael Kyle : Where?
Claire Kyle : [stands up and feels her massive stomach] I can't find it!
Michael Kyle : I don't know but there's the phone!
[pulls cell phone out of her fat rolls]
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Michael Kyle : I dreamt I was on a sandy beach and a all of a sudden a giant whale was chasing me.
Dr. Bouche : Was it a sperm whale?
Michael Kyle : No.
Dr. Bouche : Damn, I'd know what that meant.
Michael Kyle : Then it swallows me, and there's Jay cooking inside the whale!
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Michael Kyle : What if I gained 50 pounds? Would you still love me the same?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : Yes.
Michael Kyle : As small as my head is, I'll look like Beetlejuice.
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Michael Kyle : [trying not to mention Jay's weight gain] How was your flight?
Janet 'Jay' Kyle : [laughs] Baby, the guy next to me fell asleep, left me his lasagna. I tore that sucker up!
Michael Kyle : Did *everyone* on the plane fall asleep?