The Simpsons (TV Series)

Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (1995)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : Strained carrots for Maggie, strained carrots for Grampa.

  Abe Simpson : [Whining]  I want a bib too!

• Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!

  Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!

  Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!

  Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!

  Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!

  Homer : He can't remember my name!

  Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!

  [Maggie sucks her pacifier violently] 

  Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!

  [Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies] 

  Bart Simpson : No, my dog!

  [Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart] 

  Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling]  Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?

• Mr. Burns : Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about?

  [pause, then a gasp] 

  Mr. Burns : I see. I think you'd better drop it. I said... drop it!

  [grunts of a struggle] 

  Mr. Burns : Get... your... hands... off!

  Marge Simpson : Where is everyone?

  [gunshot] 

• Marge Simpson : I must say, Mr. Burns is being awfully inconsiderate - selfish, even.

  Bart Simpson : Burns needs some serious boostafazoo, right Dad?... Dad?... Homer!

  Lisa Simpson : [Bart pulls paper away to reveal Abe] 

  [Abe, Bart Lisa all scream] 

  Lisa Simpson : Sorry, Grampa. It's just that for a second it looked like Dad had melted.

  Abe Simpson : Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm living here now. I ain't going back to the retirement home until they fish my bed out of that sinkhole.

• Abe Simpson : [Bart finds Grampa's gun]  That's my old Smith and Wesson. If you're gonna play with it, be careful, 'cause its loaded.

  Marge Simpson : [Walking in]  Argh! Bart, put that down! Guns are very dangerous and I won't have them in this house.

  Abe Simpson : [Marge takes the gun away]  How can you have a house without a gun? What if a bear came through that door?

  Marge Simpson : I'm going to bury it in the yard where little hands can't get to it.

  [Walks out] 

  Abe Simpson : Geesh! You should have fired into the air. She would have run off!

• [last lines of the episode as the Springfieldians gather to see Mr. Burns laid out on the sundial] 

  Patty Bouvier : Mr. Burns has been shot.

  Chief Wiggum : Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!

  [Wiggum pulls on Burns' face] 

  Chief Wiggum : Wait, it is Burns.

  [chuckles] 

  Chief Wiggum : His wrinkly skin looks like a mask.

  Marge Simpson : I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town is a suspect.

  [the camera pans across the Springfieldians and stops on Dr. Hibbert, who chuckles] 

  Doctor Hibbert : Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?

  [Hibbert points to the camera which pulls back to reveal that he's pointing to Wiggum] 

  Chief Wiggum : Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?

  [to be continued...]