"The Simpsons" Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie, Package Forwarder #1, Chemist, Kid From Springfield High School, Oil Worker, Barney Gumble, Grampa Simpson, Gate Guard, Mayor Quimby, Santa's Little Helper, Sideshow Mel, Krusty the Clown

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Lisa Simpson : [on the phone]  Oh, no! That's awful, Mr. Puente. What? Oh, he owns the nuclear power plant. Yeah, I'd like to settle his hash, too.

    [hangs up the phone] 

    Lisa Simpson : Dad, how can you work for a man like Mr. Burns?

    Homer : Well, he's not all bad. He did send me this nice thank-you card.

    Lisa Simpson : Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Dad, this doesn't have your name on it.

    [Homer looks at the card and lowers it slowly; his pupils shrink in anger] 

    Homer : Kids, would you step outside for a second?

    [Bart and Lisa run outside as Homer stands up] 

    Homer : [inhales deeply]  F...

    [church organ plays a chord, birds fly away and everyone looks at the Simpson house] 

    Ned Flanders : Dear Lord! That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!

  • Marge Simpson : Strained carrots for Maggie, strained carrots for Grampa.

    Abe Simpson : [Whining]  I want a bib too!

  • Abe Simpson : Hey, the lamp's running away!

    Bart Simpson : That's my dog, man!

    Abe Simpson : So long, lamp.

  • Moe Szyslak : I lost my bar!

    Barney Gumble : I lost his bar!

    Lisa Simpson : He robbed the school of music!

    Principal Skinner : He robbed the school of financial security!

    Tito Puente : He robbed the school of Tito!

    Homer : He can't remember my name!

    Marge Simpson : He's causing us all to yell!

    [Maggie sucks her pacifier violently] 

    Bart Simpson : Look what he did to my best friend!

    [Camera pans to Milhouse eating Cheezies] 

    Bart Simpson : No, my dog!

    [Santa's Little Helper rolls in on his cart] 

    Mr. Burns : [Mr. Burns enters, chuckling]  Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. Perhaps I can sell him a little oil?

  • Marge Simpson : I must say, Mr. Burns is being awfully inconsiderate - selfish, even.

    Bart Simpson : Burns needs some serious boostafazoo, right Dad?... Dad?... Homer!

    Lisa Simpson : [Bart pulls paper away to reveal Abe] 

    [Abe, Bart Lisa all scream] 

    Lisa Simpson : Sorry, Grampa. It's just that for a second it looked like Dad had melted.

    Abe Simpson : Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm living here now. I ain't going back to the retirement home until they fish my bed out of that sinkhole.

  • Homer : [gets a package that has to be sent out but returns it to Mr. Burn's office]  Here's your package, Mr. Burns!

    Mr. Burns : My name is the return address, you seneless dunderpate! Smithers, who is this nincompoop?

    Homer : [thinking]  I've worked here for 10 years and my boss doesn't even know my name. Well, that's going to change right now!

    Homer : My name is Homer J. Simp...

    [Homer gets hit on the head with a weight that says 1000 Grams] 

    Homer : Ow!

    Mr. Burns : Hm, sounded large when I ordered it.

    [sighs] 

    Mr. Burns : I can't make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps.

  • Groundskeeper Willie : Aaaaaaaaaagh! I'll *kill* that Mr Burns! And wound that Mr Smithers!

  • Abe Simpson : [Bart finds Grampa's gun]  That's my old Smith and Wesson. If you're gonna play with it, be careful, 'cause its loaded.

    Marge Simpson : [Walking in]  Argh! Bart, put that down! Guns are very dangerous and I won't have them in this house.

    Abe Simpson : [Marge takes the gun away]  How can you have a house without a gun? What if a bear came through that door?

    Marge Simpson : I'm going to bury it in the yard where little hands can't get to it.

    [Walks out] 

    Abe Simpson : Geesh! You should have fired into the air. She would have run off!

  • Groundskeeper Willie : Burns cost me my job at Springfield Elementary, and I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery.

  • Mayor Quimby : People, take it easy. We're all upset about Mr. Burns' plan to, uh, block out our sun. It is time for decisive action. I have here a polite but firm letter to Mr. Burns' underlings, who with some cajoling, will pass it along to him or at least give him the gist of it.

    Quimby's Aide : [Whispers]  Sir, a lot of people are stroking guns.

    Mayor Quimby : Also it has been brought to my attention that a number of you are stroking guns. Therefore I will step aside and open up the floor.

    Smithers : [Smithers, unshaven and drunk, stands up] 

    [Crying] 

    Smithers : Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to... a friend. But he fired me! And now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central!

    Doctor Hibbert : Oh, dear God!

    Smithers : Eh, it's not that bad. I never miss Pardon My Zinger.

    [Ned wraps a blanket around him] 

    Groundskeeper Willie : Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school. And I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery.

    Abe Simpson : Because of him, I lost my room, my things and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines.

    Crazy Old Man : You bastard!

  • krusty the clown : I've been in Reno for 6 weeks did I miss anything?

  • Groundskeeper Willie : You're lucky you're getting a decent burial my own father was tossed in the bog.

  • Mr. Burns : [catches Homer spray-painting "I AM HOMER SIMPSON" on his office wall]  Who the devil are you?

    Homer : [screams in frustrated rage, rushes towards Burns and starts angrily shaking him]  Homer Simpson!

    Mr. Burns : What? What are you talking about?

    Homer : Homer...

    Mr. Burns : You're not making sense, man!

    Homer : Shut up!

    Mr. Burns : I can't understand a word you're saying!

    Homer : Homer Simpson!

    Mr. Burns : You're just babbling incoherently!

    Homer : My-name-is-Homer-Simpson!

    [dragged away by security] 

    Homer : Oh, you're a dead man, Burns. Oh, you're dead! You're dead, Burns!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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