Wagon Train (TV Series)
The Jess MacAbee Story (1959)
Andy Devine: Jess MacAbee
Photos
Quotes
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Jess MacAbee : Where could he get a better selection?
Flint McCullough : But your girls, they don't want to marry me.
Jess MacAbee : Well, they're females, they're not supposed to know what they want.
Belle MacAbee : They think you're the most wonderful man they've ever seen.
Flint McCullough : YES, BUT I'M THE ONLY MAN THEY'VE EVER SEEN.
Jess MacAbee : Well, don't knock that, lad. You can't suffer by comparison.
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Jess MacAbee : [He's still in the shade, rolling gently in the hammock] Lilly Belle, giddy up, that plough is not gonna plough without a little elbow grease.
Lilly Belle MacAbee : Giddy up. Come on.
Jess MacAbee : I don't know what these girls would do without their Daddy.
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Jess MacAbee : [From the comfort of his hammock in the shade, he sings] Momma's little baby loves shortening, shortening, Momma's little baby loves shortening bread. Cora Belle, those weeds are growing faster than you're pulling them. Mary Belle, your Daddy's watching the way you're planting, those furrows are not straight.
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Jess MacAbee : Aw, of course you can never be too sure about Indians. For every one you see, there's liable to be three or four that you don't see.
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Anna Belle MacAbee : I can handle a gun. I should have been beside ya.
Jess MacAbee : You were beside Daddy in spirit, Junior.
Anna Belle MacAbee : I hate being boarded up with the women and children.
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Jess MacAbee : [Flint opens the gate regardless of the warning signs, DANGER WILD ANIMALS, TRESPASSERS SHOT ON SIGHT, PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSERS, DANGER HIGH EXPLOSIVES. A loud cowbell rings out] INJUNS. Take cover. INJUNS!
[He herds the girls into the house]
Jess MacAbee : That's far enough, Mister. Now can't you read? Or don't you believe in signs?
Flint McCullough : My name's Flint McCullough. My horse seems to have gone a little bit lame on me. Besides I wanted to buy some cattle. I thought you might have some for sale.
Jess MacAbee : NOW, I HAVEN'T GOT ANY CATTLE, NOW GIT!
Flint McCullough : Well, could I rest my horse a while?
Jess MacAbee : NO, YOU CAN'T!
Flint McCullough : I'm sorry I intruded.
[as he leaves, he spots some beeves in a meadow]
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Lilly Belle MacAbee : Daddy, you're just about the bravest man in the whole world.
Jess MacAbee : Lilly Belle, you'll turn your Daddy's head.
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Jess MacAbee : Sally Belle, any gentleman would have done the same.
Belle MacAbee : Any Southern gentleman.
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Cora Belle MacAbee : Did you save me any bodies, Daddy?
Jess MacAbee : Oh, now, Daddy's little angels don't want any old dead Indians.
Cora Belle MacAbee : Yes, I do.
Jess MacAbee : No. Daddy knows better.
Cora Belle MacAbee : You didn't kill any Indians.
Jess MacAbee : How do you know?
Cora Belle MacAbee : You never do.
Jess MacAbee : I suppose I do shoot to miss.
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Cora Belle MacAbee : Why don't your Indians have tomahawks and arrows like other people's Indians?
Jess MacAbee : How do you know what other people's Indians have got? You have never met any other people and you have never met any other people's Indians.
Cora Belle MacAbee : Never met any of yours either.
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Anna Belle MacAbee : I wish Daddy let you stay outside and be shot.
Jess MacAbee : Now is that any way to talk to your sister?
Mary Belle MacAbee : She hates me.
Jess MacAbee : She does not.
Anna Belle MacAbee : I do too.
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Jess MacAbee : I got all I can do to do the cooking around here.
Belle MacAbee : We'll manage.
Jess MacAbee : Now you know I gotta stay in the shade. I can't stand strong sun.
Belle MacAbee : And you know that I can.
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Jess MacAbee : Now, I told you to git.
Flint McCullough : You also told me you didn't have any cattle. And you were yelling Indian. And everybody knows there's not an unfriendly Indian within a hundred miles.
[Flint takes up residence in the hammock]
Jess MacAbee : Mister, you gonna make me shoot you.
Flint McCullough : Yeah, 'fraid so. You thinking of running the price of the cattle up?
Jess MacAbee : Well, I've only got five cows and I need 'em. Now, will you please go.
Flint McCullough : Why are you so anxious for me to leave?
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Belle MacAbee : Mr MacAbee, you are raising your voice.
Jess MacAbee : Now look what you done.
Flint McCullough : Good evening, Ma'am.
[Flint rises from the hammock]
Belle MacAbee : I'm dreaming. I'll wake up in a minute and didn't really hear a man's voice.
Flint McCullough : My name is Flint McCullough.
[And he shakes her hand]
Jess MacAbee : He just coming and he just going.
[Mrs MacAbee feels up Flint's arm to his chest, and faints]
Jess MacAbee : She never done that before.
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Flint McCullough : President Polk? Well, how long you folks been here?
Belle MacAbee : Well, Mr MacAbee brought me here twenty years ago and I haven't been out of this valley since. And the girls haven't been out at all.
Flint McCullough : Well, I'm afraid President Polk is long gone. Since him there's been Zachary Taylor, Franklin Pierce, Millard Philmore, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln of course, Andrew Jackson. There's been the Civil War.
Belle MacAbee : Civil War?
Flint McCullough : Eleven states seceded from the Union.
Belle MacAbee : How wicked.
Jess MacAbee : I've always said those Yankees were unstable.
Sally Belle MacAbee : What Yankee states left the Union, Mr McCullough?
Flint McCullough : The Yankee states of Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Texas, Arkansas, Georgia, Alabama, Florida and Louisiana.
Lilly Belle MacAbee : The whole South?
Sally Belle MacAbee : Out of the Union?
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Jess MacAbee : This time you have gone too far. Come on, girls, and we'll throw this Yankee off our land.
Flint McCullough : Now, just a minute. Who are you calling a Yankee?
Mary Belle MacAbee : [Very seriously and with great intensity and concern] He means you, Mr McCullough.
Flint McCullough : Well, he can't mean me, Honey, 'cos I was born in Virginia.
[Mary Belle's face brightens up with a glowing smile]
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Jess MacAbee : Dark red hair, he didn't have dark red hair. He had black hair and it grew clear down to his eyebrows. Why, I could lick him with one hand tied behind my back and both feet in a barrel.
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Jess MacAbee : Well, I'll admit I'm a devout coward but I will summon up from some reservoir whatever courage it takes to put you out of your creeping Virginian existence.
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Jess MacAbee : That's all I need, saddled with Archibald Beauregarde.
Flint McCullough : Well, I'm not Archibald Beauregarde.
Jess MacAbee : You've got a lot of hair.
Flint McCullough : Well, why are you so touchy about that?
Jess MacAbee : Well, you'll get touchy about that too when you start showing streaks of scalp.
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Belle MacAbee : Mr McCullough, Mr MacAbee apologises.
Flint McCullough : I accept Mr MacAbee's apology.
Jess MacAbee : Well, don't strain yourself.
Flint McCullough : No strain at all, Sir.
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Jess MacAbee : Well, I guess we do owe that fellow something. I'll tell you what, I'll let him pick his choice of our daughters. He can marry whichever one he hankers to.
Belle MacAbee : Ooh, thank you, Mr MacAbee, I was hoping against hope you'd say that.
Jess MacAbee : I'll tell him the good news in the morning. My son-in-law. I hope he's handy around the house.
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Jess MacAbee : Well, don't be hasty in your choice. Take all the time you need. Take a couple of hours.
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Jess MacAbee : Mrs MacAbee, I have to get some sleep. I have to watch the girls plant the fields tomorrow.
[He's so tired from watching Flint help Lilly Belle with the ploughing, watching Flint helping May Belle sowing seeds, watching Flint helping Junior groom the horses, all from the comfort of his hammock in the shade]
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Jed Culpepper : This is my oldest boy, Jim.
Jim Culpepper : Howdy.
Jed Culpepper : I've got five more like him back at the house. Different sizes, of course. We don't live but five miles from here. Down by the river, a little beyond the rapid.
Jess MacAbee : Five miles, you practically breathing down our necks.
Jed Culpepper : We been living here for ten years.
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Flint McCullough : Am I a prisoner?
Jess MacAbee : That's entirely up to you. Well, I'm waiting for your answer.
[the cowbell rings]
Jess MacAbee : INDIANS? Indians.
Flint McCullough : You just made me your prisoner.
[Flint snubs the rifle offered to him]
Jess MacAbee : Now I'm gonna make you a trusted. Come on McCullough.
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Flint McCullough : WHY! He's got 6 boys and you've got 5 girls, it's almost a mathematical equation.
Jess MacAbee : You watch your language.
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Jess MacAbee : He's stubborn. That's what he is, just Virginia stubborn. Well, I'm Louisiana stubborn any day of the week.
Flint McCullough : MORE STUBBORN.
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Anna Belle MacAbee : We heard a lot of firing.
Jess MacAbee : Well, I did manage to wing one or two.
Sally Belle MacAbee : Did Mr McCullough get any?
Jess MacAbee : Oh. yeah. He winded one or two, too.
Lilly Belle MacAbee : You are the two bravest men in the whole world.
Jess MacAbee : Ooh, it was nothing. Was it, Flint?
Flint McCullough : Nothing, absolutely nothing at all.
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Belle MacAbee : Oh, my. They mean business, don't they?
Jess MacAbee : I'll take charge, Mrs MacAbee. Don't you worry.
[And at the sight of the eight Indians lined up, he faints]
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Jess MacAbee : M-M-M-McCullough. Come out here. These are real Indians.
Flint McCullough : That's a war party. We're in for trouble.
Jess MacAbee : What'll we do with them?
Flint McCullough : We'll need help. One of us will have to ride for the Culpepper boys.
Jess MacAbee : Well, well, do you think you can find their place? I was pretty high handed.
Flint McCullough : Yeah, I'll find them.
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Lilly Belle MacAbee : The Indians are building a fire.
Anna Belle MacAbee : They're gonna burn us alive.
Cora Belle MacAbee : I'm gonna get scalped.
Belle MacAbee : Girls. Don't upset your father.
Jess MacAbee : You girls get below. Southern gentleman always takes care of his lady folks.
Anna Belle MacAbee : You raised us Western and we're with you shoulder to shoulder.