NewsRadio (TV Series)

Bill's Autobiography (1995)

Phil Hartman: Bill McNeal

Quotes 

• Bill : What's so interesting about radio?

  Dave : I think radio is a fascinating medium.

  Bill : You're from Wisconsin. Artificial light is fascinating to you.

• [Bill is frustrated that he has no ideas for his new book] 

  Bill : Did you know that when Dan Rather was 19 he was the youngest photographer for the Associated Press?

  Dave : Okay, well, what were you doing at 19?

  Bill : Drinking.

  Dave : Well, how about how hard it was to break into the industry? You know, all the struggles...

  Bill : My aunt owned a radio station. She hired me to try to get me to stop drinking.

• Bill : The problem, as I see it, is that I have absolutely no personality of my own.

• Dave : How much have you done so far?

  Bill : The outline.

  Dave : How long is it?

  Bill : Two words: "The outline."

• Bill : Knock-knock.

  Dave : What do you want, Bill?

  Bill : No, Dave. Knock-knock.

  Dave : Oh, okay. Who's there?

  Bill : Bill McNeal.

  Dave : Bill McNeal who?

  Bill : That's really all I have so far.

• Bill : [speaking into tape recorder]  Chicago, 1968. The Democratic Convention. Hippies and yippies alike fill the streets, waging a war of peace against Mayor Daley's thugs. There I was... watching it on TV in my dorm and drinking.

• Bill : I think I have a title.

  Dave : What is it?

  Bill : I Suck: The Bill McNeal Story.

• Bill : You told them, didn't you?

  Dave : Told them what?

  Bill : That I haven't written a word. That my life couldn't fill a haiku, let alone a whole book.

• Catherine Duke : What about me, Bill? All I have is a great radio voice just like you.

  Bill : Yes, except you're a woman and you're black. Oh, what I wouldn't give.

  Catherine Duke : It's not all it's cracked up to be, Bill.

• Bill : [after Jimmy broke his cardboard lookalike, not knowing he was there]  Et tu, Jimmy?