Darkwing Duck (TV Series)

Dry Hard (1991)

Jim Cummings: Darkwing Duck, Drake Mallard, Herb Muddlefoot

Quotes 

• Darkwing Duck : I am the terror that flaps in your pipes! I am the hairball that clogs your drains! I am the Original Mr. Fix-It! And you're in hot water, Licky!

• [Bud Flud is contaminating a vat of Coo-Coo Fizzy water] 

  Bud Flud : Slop, slop, fizz, fizz.

  Darkwing Duck : [appearing on the same catwalk]  I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the parking meter that expires while you shop. I am Darkwing Duck!

  Launchpad McQuack : [coming up]  It's Bud Flud!

  Mascot #1 : [singing]  Bud, Bud, Bud, Buddy Flud

  Mascot #2 : [singing]  Bud, Bud, Bud, Buddy Flud

  [Flud throws his jug of poison at Launchpad] 

  Darkwing Duck : That's right, Launchpad. Flud's been polluting the water of his competitors so that his alone will be the only drinkable drink that, uh... that can be drunk.

  Bud Flud : This is the ultimate form of advertising. Would you rather drink my pure mountain magic or a big fat monkey brain?

  Darkwing Duck : Hmm. Well, your mountain magic of course.

  [Darkwing walks closer to Flud, who walks backward] 

  Darkwing Duck : But you're still going up the river, Mr. Taste...

  [Flud leans over the railing and realizes that he's in midair over the contaminated vat] 

  Bud Flud : [falling into the vat]  AAAHHH!

  [splash] 

  Darkwing Duck : -test.

  Bud Flud : HELP ME! I'M MELTING!

  [Darkwing races down the catwalk and closer to the vat, where a broom is leaning against it] 

  Darkwing Duck : Don't be such a baby, Flud!

  [sticks the broom into the water] 

  Darkwing Duck : It's only...

  [the broom melts some] 

  Darkwing Duck : -water.

  Launchpad McQuack : Where'd he go?

  Darkwing Duck : [nervously]  All the better, heh. Cases are so much easier when the bad guy offs himself like that.

• [the Liquidators minions attempt to capture Gosalyn] 

  Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard : [fighting the minions off]  Get away from me, you silly little drips!

  The Liquidator : Take her back to the factory. I could use another enterprising individual in my organization.

  Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard : Fat chance, Mr. Water Head!

  Darkwing Duck : Yeah, fat chance, Mr. Water Head!

  [Darkwing pours cement on the Liquidator] 

  The Liquidator : Concrete, schmoncrete. The Liquidator continues going mile after mile.

  [the cement cracks from hardening] 

  The Liquidator : Of course, milage... may... vary.

  [the cement hardens him into a statue] 

  Darkwing Duck : [knocking on the statue]  This could be a little harder than you thought.

  [the minions surrounding Gosalyn dissolve into a puddle] 

  Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard : Try to kidnap me, will ya?

  [stomps on the puddle] 

  Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard : Eat sneaker!

• [the Liquidator laughs evilly as he descends up a pipe] 

  Darkwing Duck : Follow that pipe!

  Mascot #1 : [singing]  Follow that pipe

  Mascot #2 : [singing]  Follow that pipe

  Darkwing Duck : [to mascots]  Go on, go on. Get out. Get out.

• Darkwing Duck : [referring to a glass of water]  Spot me a cold one, Gos?

  Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard : [smugly]  Uh-uh. $2.00 please.

  [the Liquidator slowly emerges from the glass she's holding, catching her off-guard] 

  The Liquidator : [impressed]  Ah, $2.00. A girl after my own heart.

  [He snaps his fingers and forms some minions] 

  The Liquidator : But watch how a seasoned pro operates.

• The Liquidator : [counting his money in a bathtub]  My mineral water is selling like hot cakes.

  Darkwing Duck : [as blue smoke emerges]  I am the terror that flaps in the night!

  The Liquidator : Oh, no.

  Darkwing Duck : [appearing in a green tank top]  I am the soap scum that lines your bathtub! I am...

  The Liquidator : [bursts into laughter]  Ooh! Oh, I love your new summer costume.

  [laughs some more] 

  Darkwing Duck : [annoyed]  Oh, well thank you, Mr. Duckwell. So now we're fashion experts, are we?

  The Liquidator : [calming down]  I'm sorry. It's just... you remind me of my cousin Morty in that getup.

  [pulls out a photo] 

  The Liquidator : None of the girls would ever talk to him.

  Darkwing Duck : Aha! But Morty probably wasn't very handy with...

  [pulls one out] 

  Darkwing Duck : a common cleaning sponge!

  [the Liquidator gasps while his eyes change into water bottles] 

  The Liquidator : Away goes Licky, down the drain.

  [He pulls the bathtub cord and retreats into the drain]