It has arrived. Our annual opportunity to place a steady hand upon the rudder of the new year is here, and boy howdy, it's a big one. Twenty-Twenty?. It's the same thing twice. Is that anything? Please? We're spiraling.
Travis and Teresa have CREATED NEW LIFE, so we're taking this week off to celebrate. In lieu of a regular episode, please enjoy our recent romp in our nation's capital.
We're still on hiatus while Travis celebrates the miracle of life, but we'll be back with a proper new episode next week. In the meantime, please enjoy another of our live performances at the King's Theater in Brooklyn.
You're gonna have some questions after the new segment in today's episode. Only one man has the answers. His name is Travis, and also when we said he has the answers, that's actually not gonna be true a lot of the time.
Listen folks, because this is the last time we're gonna say this: Hyenas go in the Hyena Hole. Please, PLEASE stop putting non-hyena things into the Hyena Hole.
THIS IS A NORMAL EPISODE. Please do not come into this one thinking we're doing some kind of pre-500 celebration, or something. It's NORMAL. There is NOTHING that sets it apart from all the other episodes. OKAY?
So, before setting any expectations based on the title of the episode, know this: Ten years later, our bodies respond to spaghetti-loading SUPER differently.
We're currently sailing the high seas, searching for adventure on that big blue horizon. So, while we do that, here's a live show we recently did in Cincinnati.
Listen, y'all. There's only one way that we're getting through this thing, and I think we all know exactly what way I'm talking about. It is imperative, now more than ever, that we get Richard Gere to be a top-tier YouTuber.
In which we find a hero in these trying times: A hero with a cybernetic, socially-conscious snake and a land speed rivaling a mid-2010s Toyota Corolla.
In today's episode, we set a new record for Lack of Commitment to an Opening Bit - a record whose previous holders include...let's see here...oh, it's us. The list just says us, like, fifty times.
Okay, we know we just had a non-standard 500th episode celebration, but as luck would have it, THIS episode also marks 10 years of us in the podcastin' business. So, yes, Justin sings the song again.
If we're gonna make it through this things, we're gonna have to find genuine soul connections using Digital. And sometimes, we find Digital in the strangest of places, when we're least expecting it.
Hey, this is a weird one. For one thing it's a live show, which is a strange thing to listen to. For another thing it's a selection of bits from two different performances aboard the JoCo Cruise, so it's a little patchworky and disjointed.
At some point in all our lives, it's happened to all of us: You're enjoying a nice grind, but gosh. Where are you supposed to put your pocket-based belongings? Introducing: Grutler. (TM TM TM.)
Perhaps it's the months of seclusion that has given us this macabre fascination, but in today's episode, we debate, at length, the lethal capabilities of an automated car wash.
When observing this episode from the future, it should serve as a pretty good benchmark for where we're at, mentally speaking, mid-quarantine. Y'all, we spend a CHUNK of time talking about a cool blanket we had growing up. A BIG chunk.
In which we make an unprecedented mid-year swap-eroonie, and then do our due diligence to inform the federal government about the change. We THINK we got our message through, but there's no way to know for sure.
How much money would it cost to get celebrity Dave Bautista to come to your neighbor's house and absolutely kick it the hell apart? Less than you might think.
In today's episode, we inexplicably relitigate the film Titanic, which is a million years old, and come up with a way cooler ending where the ship doesn't break and the cool guy gets the treasure and everyone gets married.
In which Travis weaponizes his worst segment with unprecedented menace, and also we ask Lin-Manuel Miranda how he would murder Super Mario, which does not seem like a great use of his time, now that we write it out like this.
In this one, we all take turns being the bad boy. But it's just for fun - please do not get worried that it's a permanent thing. It's one of our skits that we do. None of it is real.
We're kicking off our long-delayed, fully-casual MaxFunDrive with today's episode, and celebrating the occasion by firing an enormous cloud of mechanical space debris toward the unsuspecting surface of our Earth. That'll teach 'em.
The stakes are awfully high this episode, both for the continuation of our podcasting empire and also for the many cigar-laden orphans Travis has taken under his wing. Did we mention the MaxFunDrive is on, by the way? No presh.
Look, the title's challenging, okay? We get it. It's probably not what you're thinking it's about, because we're talking about athletic balls. Maybe that is what you were thinking about? Are we the problem?
It's the final week of the MaxFunDrive, so we've pulled out all the stops. By which we mean, we talked about Olive Garden, again, for like twenty minutes.
In today's episode, Justin goes on a righteous and important quest to claim the Birdman's special burrito, but instead ends up claiming nothing but heart-rending shame. It's a TOUGH LISTEN.
Even after all these years, we're still learning about each other's little, adorable idiosyncrasies. Take, for instance, Justin, who has big boy trash bag dead drops all around his house, for some reason? Like he's the Trash King we guess?
We're plugged in, okay? Obviously. Like, when young folks see us, they know we know what's up. We're cooking beans over roaring campfires like, every weekend, so please don't pretend that we're not.
This is a big one. Partially because we ask for aid from our Trolls co-star Ron Funches for a question, but also because Justin confesses to fraud, we think? We're not lawyers, but it sure smells fraudulent.
Please, please let us do wrestling. Does anyone know anyone who's doing wrestling that we could Skype with? We have really, really good wrestling ideas, most of which are based around telekinesis and fantastical incantations.
When we were doing the whole big war, and needed sentient, quadrupedal transportation all hither and yon, they were there for us. Now, in their hour of conflict, it is time for us to return the favor. Saddle up, partners.
We're having trouble getting in the spirit of the most spooky holiday, mostly because of how spooky every other thing in the entire world is right now.
This one's all boats and teeth, y'all. A lot of boat talk, a lot of cruising the high seas on our Yacht in search of adventure. A lot of teeth chat specifically about our audience's artistic dental desires. Boats and teeth teeth and boats.
We won't be posting a new episode next week, so you know what that means: It's Bolitics Time. Snatch up a couple crates o' Party Bagels and let's get into the HEAVY stuff.
We've all been through the wringer these past couple of weeks, but don't worry. We have a burger, now, that's gonna fix EVERYTHING. Take a bite, savor its complex flavor profile, and allow its powerful beef juices to do their thing.
Boy howdy, we sure hope nobody listening to this episode is a Joker sympathizer. This bad villain keeps messing up EVERYBODY's stuff in the big city, especially Bruce Wayne - who is Batman.
This week's episode is chock-full of breaking news alerts, most of which send us spiraling hornily into homemade Home Improvement erotic fiction. I swear to God I've written this exact description for an episode before.
When is beef considered beef and also not beef? To answer that, it's important you possess a cursory understanding of the many-worlds theory and quantum entanglement - things that we, three super smart guys, totally know about.
It's Candlenights, we think. We already did ONE Candlenights spectacular for you, but because y'all have been extra good this year, here's another one.
So long, stink year. While we're not quite ready to provide a sagacious tagline for 2021, we're more than ready to send off this one with a thorough look back. And also a look forward, and kind of to the side, and also downward.