Pornographer David Lord, one of the worst in his calling, looks down his nose at the famous '80s TV series in this belated so-called parody (= ripoff) that is inept on every front: sex, action, you name it. Right from Randy Spears wearing a horrible rug in the lead George Peppard role to his racist skits (in Blackface and in Jerry Lewis type Oriental stereotype) we're in for a sad excuse for entertainment.
Early on I was wondering if this junker was bad on purpose, as the DCypher script frequently treats the old TV show as if it were the crappiest of crap. But as incompetently staged scenes piled up I realized that it was the filmmakers screwing things up inadvertently.
Lamest of lame stories concerns reporter Seth Gamble being kidnapped when he takes photos of a biker drug deal and a corrupt politician (porno director Roy Karch in acting guise). His girlfriend Bree Olson (the Adam & Eve contract player, not very impressive here) tries her darnedest to find him, enlisting the underground A-Team to help out.
Scenes are injected merely to provide sexual content with the emphasis on anal, not surprising in latter-day Adult videos, but extremely disappointing in a narrative film, even one in the horrible "porn-parody" sub-genre. Finale of her humping Spears is tacked on to a finished story (Spears and his teammates Tyler Knight, Evan Stone and Scotty Styles have disappeared back into the underground already, so how Bree hooks up again with him is left unexplained and highly improbable) and is worthless generic sex.
The "action" scenes are pitiful, as at times Lord merely makes fun of the exigencies of an older-era TV show that had to cut corners to grind out dozens of episodes per year on tight schedules, but he fails to deliver any real action. One chase scene of bikers on the highway pursuing the A-Team's trademark black van ends with a bike just skidding and falling on its side -no real action at all. Fight scenes are poor, and despite the casting of a man-mountain body builder as a heavy (Jordan Lane as "Animal") the physical side of the production is absent. Instead we get frequent library footage for transitions between unrelated scenes.
In common with current porn practice in a dying industry, the emphasis is on the extractable sex scene, suitable for anthologizing or the consumer preference of downloading or streaming, leaving the rest of the "feature" in limbo. In this case, the great UK imports Sophie Dee and McKenzie Lee, both latterly big-bust queens, team up for a 2 on 1 dick threesome with Evan Stone that lasts 31 minutes, grinding the show to a halt but most stimulating for their fans (count me at the front of that line).
A superfluous second disk issued to con the fans into thinking this is a big-deal release has a lengthy BTS (46 minutes long) in which we learn that Evan failed to show up for work one day (of a 4 or 5 day shoot), so he is written out rather glaringly of many of the team's scenes, sort of like the Beatles reduced to a 3-man group like Jimi Hendrix Experience or Cream, rather than the advertised Fab Four.
Worst acting is predictably turned in by Lyons, encouraged by the director to ham it up as a "crazy". This "award-winning" cretin is insufferable and if Porn had the equivalent of Razzies I would nominate him every time out.
Early on I was wondering if this junker was bad on purpose, as the DCypher script frequently treats the old TV show as if it were the crappiest of crap. But as incompetently staged scenes piled up I realized that it was the filmmakers screwing things up inadvertently.
Lamest of lame stories concerns reporter Seth Gamble being kidnapped when he takes photos of a biker drug deal and a corrupt politician (porno director Roy Karch in acting guise). His girlfriend Bree Olson (the Adam & Eve contract player, not very impressive here) tries her darnedest to find him, enlisting the underground A-Team to help out.
Scenes are injected merely to provide sexual content with the emphasis on anal, not surprising in latter-day Adult videos, but extremely disappointing in a narrative film, even one in the horrible "porn-parody" sub-genre. Finale of her humping Spears is tacked on to a finished story (Spears and his teammates Tyler Knight, Evan Stone and Scotty Styles have disappeared back into the underground already, so how Bree hooks up again with him is left unexplained and highly improbable) and is worthless generic sex.
The "action" scenes are pitiful, as at times Lord merely makes fun of the exigencies of an older-era TV show that had to cut corners to grind out dozens of episodes per year on tight schedules, but he fails to deliver any real action. One chase scene of bikers on the highway pursuing the A-Team's trademark black van ends with a bike just skidding and falling on its side -no real action at all. Fight scenes are poor, and despite the casting of a man-mountain body builder as a heavy (Jordan Lane as "Animal") the physical side of the production is absent. Instead we get frequent library footage for transitions between unrelated scenes.
In common with current porn practice in a dying industry, the emphasis is on the extractable sex scene, suitable for anthologizing or the consumer preference of downloading or streaming, leaving the rest of the "feature" in limbo. In this case, the great UK imports Sophie Dee and McKenzie Lee, both latterly big-bust queens, team up for a 2 on 1 dick threesome with Evan Stone that lasts 31 minutes, grinding the show to a halt but most stimulating for their fans (count me at the front of that line).
A superfluous second disk issued to con the fans into thinking this is a big-deal release has a lengthy BTS (46 minutes long) in which we learn that Evan failed to show up for work one day (of a 4 or 5 day shoot), so he is written out rather glaringly of many of the team's scenes, sort of like the Beatles reduced to a 3-man group like Jimi Hendrix Experience or Cream, rather than the advertised Fab Four.
Worst acting is predictably turned in by Lyons, encouraged by the director to ham it up as a "crazy". This "award-winning" cretin is insufferable and if Porn had the equivalent of Razzies I would nominate him every time out.