A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV Series)

The Ersatz Elevator: Part One (2018)

Patrick Warburton: Lemony Snicket

Quotes 

• Lemony Snicket : For Beatrice - When we met, my life began. Soon afterward, yours ended.

• Lemony Snicket : The phrase "in the dark," which I'm sure you know, can refer to not only one's shadowy surroundings, but also to the secrets which might be surrounding you too. Every day, the sun goes down over all of these secrets, so everyone is in the dark in one way or another. If you are sunbathing in the park, for instance, but you do not know about the deep and dangerous pit nearby, then you are in the dark even though you are not actually in the dark. If you are on a midnight hike knowing full well that several ballerinas are following you, then you are not in the dark even though you are in the dark. Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, as well as to be not in the dark not in the dark. But there are so many secrets in this world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about something, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark. And so you will eventually fall into the deep and dangerous pit dug by several ballerinas, which is dark in the dark in the park.

• Lemony Snicket : The life cycle of the salmon is not unlike the life cycle of human beings, in that it begins in cozy circumstances, gets progressively colder, and often ends in suffering and tragedy.

  Larry : Now, this salmon here was burned alive.

  Lemony Snicket : One of the most difficult aspects of the salmon's life cycle is when they swim upstream to spawn, a word which here means, "Spend quality time with the salmon they love most." Swimming upstream is a very difficult thing to do because it means that you are swimming against the current.

• [first lines] 

  Lemony Snicket : The episode you are about to watch - assuming your eyes are open and tilted towards me - is one of the few stories which can teach you the difference between the word "nervous" and the word "anxious." The word "nervous" simply means "worried about something." The way you might feel if you were served prune ice cream, because you'd be worried it would taste awful.

  Ice Cream Customer : [standing in line]  I'm nervous.

  Lemony Snicket : The word "anxious," on the other hand, means "troubled by disturbing suspense."The way you might feel if you were served a live alligator, because you'd be troubled by the suspense of whether you would eat your dessert or it would eat you.

  Ice Cream Server : [opens his freeze and it growls]  I'm anxious.

• Lemony Snicket : The phrase "in the dark," which I'm sure you know, can refer to not only one's shadowy surroundings, but also to the secrets which might be surrounding you, too. Every day, the sun goes down over all of these secrets, so everyone is in the dark in one way or another.