Heresy's Reviews

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

3/10

Horrible but it's better than the first two

30 June 2010

Unfortunately I was roped into taking my sisters to this and New Moon (and saw the first movie as they watched the DVD over and over.) After the first two movies I was actually a little surprised by this one; sure there is still the terrible acting, the average special effects and the sappy "love" story (seriously, when is Edward going to fess up to Bella that he's really gay and that's why he won't 'seal the deal'?).

I was able to get past what I knew was coming and find some enjoyment in the slightly dark tinge this movie added with Victoria and her army. I've always thought DB Howard was a pretty boring actor but she definitely brought something to this movie.

I still thought it was pretty darn bad but at least I didn't spend the whole 2 hours actively hating everyone on the screen and looking at my watch.

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The Office (2005–2013)

9/10

Fantastic show

14 February 2006

I am a huge fan of the original British show and was very leery when NBC announced an Americanized version but I have to say that this show is every bit as good as the original, just in a different way.

It is the not the same as the original and could not be; Americas generally do not "get" British humor and putting a clone of the original on would only have drawn both criticism for making a direct copy (except the pilot which was a joke for joke copy) and zero ratings. The thing that NBC has managed to do is keep the 'heart' of the original in this show and make it more palatable to the American audience.

Steve Carell does a terrific job as the clueless boss and the writing just seems to be getting better; there are moments (Pam breaking up when talking about never getting her "dream house") that are just as touching as anything in the Chrismas episode of the original.

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The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan (2004 TV Movie)

3/10

Stupid

19 July 2004

A real documentary on Shyamalan would have been interesting, unfortunately this is nothing more that a badly done parody of some of Shyamalan's work feeding into the 'mysticism' of his movies. Fine for what it is but it's sad that SciFi passed this off as a real documentary instead of a commercial for the Village/Shyamalan (but I guess that is on par for a channel that passes off that fraud John Edwards as anything more than a bad circus act.)

Think 'This is Spinal Tap' without any of the wit, humor or even decent acting.

(3/10)

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Elf (2003)

8/10

Not great but some very good laughs

29 November 2003

I saw Elf this weekend with my nephews (ages 8 & 10) and was pleasantly surprised. I loved Will Ferrell on SNL but the commercials for Elf left me thinking this might not be a very good film. The story was kind of slow/corny in some parts (especially the end) but for the most it kept me and my nephews laughing.

A must see if you are a Ferrell fan, this is classic Ferrell hamming.

(8/10)

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The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

10/10

Perfect

14 June 2003

When I first heard about a movie adaptation of 'The Lord of the Rings' books I was a little wary, I didn't believe such a master-work could be transfered to the big screen and still keep all of the little bits that made you love the characters and the story. But Peter Jackson has done just that, he has created a masterpiece and, by far, the best fantasy movie ever.

Usually when watching a big budget sci-fi/fantasy movie the special effects are constantly catching your attention and dominating the movie. In this movie the special effects are almost incidental (though they are simply amazing), the story and characters drive this movie, not the special effects. Each actor IS his character, every location seems to have magically popped out of the book and the world of Middle Earth seems as real as the one outside the window.

Perfect

(10/10)

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Blood Simple (1984)

10/10

Fantastic first film from the Coen brothers

13 June 2003

Warning: Spoilers

A great dark comedy/suspense movie with some first rate performances and a compelling, dark, funny script. M.Emmit Walsh is amazing as the crooked private detective, his performance steals the film and Dan Hayeda is great as the jilted, jealous, vengeful husband. McDormand and Getz are also good as the star-crossed lovers; Getz is especially good when he's trying to figure out whether Abby is lying to him or not.

To answer some questions from 'heywood100''s post below:

******Spoilers******

"Why does the hitman kill happily kill Hedaya but not McDormand and Getz?"

Simple (and explained in the movie), he wants as few people as possible to know about the murder(s). If he kills Abby and Ray not only is he committing 2 murders he is also leaving Julian as a witness/possible informant.

"Why can't Getz bring himself to run over Hedaya, but can easily manage to bury him alive?"

Why run him over? So he can damage his car (more than the blood soaked seat)? Much easier to take care of him with the shovel and bury him than ruin your car and leave him lying in the open.

"Why does the hitman return?"

Did you even watch the movie? He left his lighter at the bar, he was returning to look for it there. He didn't want anyone to know he was at all involved with Julian or his murder.

"How does Hedaya survive being buried alive after being shot, and what happens to him?"

He didn't, it was a dream; notice how he disappears when Abby wakes up?

*****Spoilers******

Sheesh, if you are going to criticize a film at least try to watch and understand it first.

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Requiem for a Dream (2000)

10/10

Horrible yet beautiful

6 September 2002

An amazing film that follows four souls into the horrible depths of addiction and it's consequences. Darren Aranofsky has done a wonderful job of transferring Hubert Selby Jr's amazing novel to the screen (if you like this movie do yourself a favor and read the book.) Aranofsky beautifully transfers Selby's characters and makes the viewer sympathize and feel even for characters who have no redeeming qualities.

All of the performances are absolutely first rate. Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly and Marlon Wayans are completely convincing as out of control addicts. Ellen Burstyn is simply amazing as the lonely mother who trades one addiction (food and TV) for one much more terrible, her performance is mesmerizing and haunting.

This film is hard to watch; it's painful, it's gutwrenching, it's horrible and it is also beautifully perfect in every way. THIS is movie making at it's best. (10/10)

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The Fast and the Furious (2001)

1/10

The horror!

4 August 2002

I finally saw this on Starz this weekend. Boy am I glad I didn't pay to see it at the theaters.

EVERYTHING about this movie is terrible. You would think that if they were going to make a movie about street racing they would at least get that part right but not in this case. The depiction of street racing is completely moronic (these guys are doing 160 on crowd lined public streets for minutes at a time, idiotic.) Apparently as little research went into the topic of the film as went into the ridiculous script and the hunt for actual actors (saying this cast were bad actors would be a slap to the face of bad actors everywhere.) So, THIS is the movie that made Vin Diesel a "star"?! This movie goes to prove that his horrible acting in Pitch Black was no fluke, he really is as wooden as a 2x4.

1/10 (too bad there is not a 0/10 option)

P.S. I really thought it would be a LOOOONG time before I saw another "big" movie worse than Battlefield Earth, but this POS only made me wait one year and makes Battlefield Earth play like Citizen Kane.

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Face/Off (1997)

1/10

Complete garbage

18 February 2002

The only thing more ridiculous than the idiotic plot was Travolta's constant overacting. I spent the entire movie rolling my eyes as the "plot" came up with more and more contrived ways to let Travolta play the insane guy. And the ending....John Woo should be ashamed of himself, what a total waste of time.

(1/10)

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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

9/10

Great 'fanboy' movie

25 August 2001

If you're a Kevin Smith fan you will love this movie. Anyone who hasn't seen the other Jersey movies will be confused about some of the stuff people are laughing at. But, even if you haven't seen KS's other movies there is still a lot that is very funny: the Scooby-Doo part if hilarious.

A must see for KS fans (9/10)

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The Mummy Returns (2001)

3/10

A steaming pile of...

12 May 2001

OK, I hated the "first" mummy and went into this one (dragged by a group of friends out for a Friday movie) expecting more of the same (stupid plot, bad acting and great special effects.) Boy did I get all of that in spades.

It sickens me that a movie with such a completely hideous plot and script can rake in money like this one has so far. This movie is a perfect example of the movie going audience sending a message to the studios saying, "don't worry about an interesting story, don't worry about descent acting, don't worry about having characters that you care about, just crank up the CGI machines and let special effects carry your films."

I can already hear the bean counters in Hollywood slapping together a 2-cent script and booting up the SGI machines for "The Mummy Returns Again".

(3/10) (8 for special effects, -5 for everything else)

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Gladiator (2000)

3/10

Best Picture? Huh?!

2 April 2001

Probably the worst movie to ever win the best picture Oscar (certainly the worst I've seen.)

Sure, the action is fun, the acting and directing are solid and the special effects are nice, but 'best picture'? The script for Gladiator leaves so much to be desired that everything the movie has going for it was not enough to keep me interested with the characters and the story.

A 'fun' popcorn movie, but no way does it deserve the best picture Oscar (even with the dearth of good movies in 2000.)just another overhyped, big budget Hollywood movie.

(6/10 )

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Unbreakable (2000)

9/10

Better than 6th Sense, but... (very minor spoiler)

25 November 2000

Warning: Spoilers

Let me preface this by saying I wasn't very impressed with 6th Sense, I thought it was a very average movie with a surprise ending; nothing more.

Unbreakable on the other hand was interesting throughout with a somewhat disappointing ending. I liked the story and all of the performances, but the movie seemed to be a ruined cause once the disappointing "surprise" ending was revealed. I heard this weekend that Unbreakable may be the first in a series of movies based on these characters (I actually heard Willis said this was the first of a trilogy); if this is the case Unbreakable will become better as part of a larger story.

Still, despite what I saw as a disappointing ending, I liked the movie as a whole and will like it better if it does turn out to be just a first installment of a larger story.

(8/10)

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Mission: Impossible II (2000)

2/10

Mission: Impossible - Finding a decent script

21 November 2000

No matter how many stylish explosions, gunfights and special effects John Woo put into this film it still boils down to nothing more than a hackneyed, boring movie. Don't waste your money, wait for it on HBO.

(2/10)

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Wild Things (1998)

1/10

It keeps you thinking

17 November 2000

For example: just when you think the movie can't possibly get more contrived, another ridiculous plot twist happens. Just when you think the acting can't get any worse, Denise Richards opens her mouth again. Just when you think 'oh my God, I've been sitting through this abomination forever', you get another hour of tripe.

Save yourself some pain and stay away from this steaming pile of "movie".

1/10

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Lucky Numbers (2000)

1/10

Isn't a "comedy" supposed to be somewhat funny?

27 October 2000

Well, someone needs to inform the writers, actors and director in Lucky Numbers about this fact because there was nothing funny in this movie. I spent most of my time (fortunately on a free ticket to a sneak preview) actively disliking the characters in the movie; not one was sympathetic or likeable.

I can certainly see why this one sat on the shelves for so long, but no amount of aging or editing could save this turkey.

(2/10)

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Dick (1999)

9/10

Very funny take on Watergate (minor spoilers)

25 October 2000

Warning: Spoilers

If you've read 'All the Presidents Men' or seen the movie (or, for that matter, lived through the Watergate/Nixon era) you will find this movie very enjoyable. If you haven't done any of these things you should do so; you will learn about one of the worst (Nixon/Vietnam/Watergate) and best (journalists revealing corruption on high and the American people really being able to make a difference in demanding an end to war and corruption) periods of American history.

The main plot (that 2 teenaged girls are actually Woodward and Bernstein's 'Deep Throat') is a bit ludicrous, but this is a comedy. The story is very well done in how it ties in the girls to the actual events surrounding the Watergate investigation and the downfall of Nixon.

The acting is outstanding across the board. Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Williams play the clueless/innocent teenagers perfectly, Dan Hedaya plays an excellent Nixon without going overboard on the voice (his physical mannerisms really capture Nixon) and the supporting cast are all fantastic (Bruce McCulloch's Bernstein is very funny.)

Over all a very good, funny look at the early 70's (9/10)

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X-Men (2000)

9/10

Very good!

14 July 2000

Was it worth the wait? Well, I read my first X-Men comic 20+ years ago and dreamed of a movie since then, so probably not; but it is a very good movie. It is true to the comic, with an actual story to go along with the action and special effects.

The acting is strong, Stewart (Prof. X) and McKellen (Magneto) give their usual strong performances but it is Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) who really steals the show. Jackman IS Wolverine. The rest of the cast does a good, if somewhat under-used, job; I hope future sequels will better use the under-appreciated Halle Berry (Storm).

As a longtime X-Men and movie fan I definitely recommend this movie. As an aside, do now worry if you do not know they "mythos" behind the X-Men, it is adequately explained throughout the movie.

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Philadelphia (1993)

9/10

Fantastic

14 June 2000

A great film with powerful performances and storyline. Tom Hanks won the Academy Award and gave an incredible performance, but I thought Denzel Washington stole the show as the lawyer; definitely one of his strongest performances.

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Cruel Intentions (1999)

2/10

Laughably bad

30 May 2000

A horrible adaptation of "Les Liaisons Dangereuses". Though the story is basically the same it is greatly dumbed down for the American audience. If you care little for good acting or interesting characters and are wowed by pretty faces see this version, otherwise see a well made adaptation in the Glen Close/John Malcovich version: Dangerous Liasons.

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Twister (I) (1996)

1/10

Wow, what a bad movie

30 May 2000

OK, fine, the special effects were nice, but since when do special effects make a movie? When did it become OK in Hollywood to make movies that do not need a script that makes any sense, decent acting or characters you care about at all? Hell, even the "science" of the film was ridiculous. Abysmal film making at it's best. Crichton, as a highly educated man, should be ashamed to have his name associated with this trash.

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The Sixth Sense (1999)

5/10

Why the hype?

22 May 2000

This, to me, was nothing more than a average film with an odd ending. I had heard how great the movie was and after hearing it was nominated as best picture I figured it should be pretty good; I was disappointed. I watched the DVD (I, surprisingly, had not heard about the ending) and cannot understand the uproar and acclaim this movie has gotten. I found myself bored with the plot and the characters most of the way through and the ending, though somewhat surprising, didn't make up for an overall average film. I kept waiting for the plot to get interesting to justify all of the acclaim and it just never happened.

Solid acting, average script and a surprising ending do not make a classic, this was definitely not one of the top 5 movies of '99 (how this was nominated and not Magnolia is beyond me) and certainly not in the top 20 of all time (as IMDB voting would suggest.)

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Kazaam (1996)

1/10

Ugh...

17 May 2000

Unfortunately my nephews wanted to watch this and I got stuck watching it with them. It is horrible...scratch that, horrible doesn't do it justice; even my nephews (age 5&7) got quickly bored with it (fortunately they let me stop it 3/4 through and put in Babe.) Shaq has officially found something he does worse than shoot free-throws (act AND choose scripts.)

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Battlefield Earth (2000)

1/10

Beyond bad

16 May 2000

Despite the scathing reviews, both here and in newsprint, I went to see Battlefield Earth hoping that having read and enjoyed the book I would find something good in the movie. I was sorely disappointed; this is one of the worst pieces of trash I have ever seen. Everything about this "film" was bad: the acting was pathetic (a valiant effort by Forrest Whitaker being the only exception), the special effects were average at best, the butchering of the book by this abysmal screenplay was astonishing and the direction was amateurish.

Do yourself a favor, do NOT pay money to see this garbage. When this makes it to HBO and you have 2 hours of your life to waste, watch it for a good laugh (and then only if you have NOTHING else better to do.)

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The Mummy (1999)

2/10

Awful

3 April 2000

I went in expecting very little and was still disappointed. The bad acting and horrible dialog continually distracted from the special effects (the only decent part of the film.) And now I see they are making a 'The Mummy 2'? I guess any big budget film that somehow makes over $100million gets a sequel now (no matter how abysmal the original.)

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