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Reviews
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
Could have been better if...
This film has somehow avoided me until today. It's fun, light-hearted, and beautifully photographed. Well, I didn't expect another Citizen Kane or The Godfather, so no surprises in the artistic department. However, there is a major flaw in this film, and it is called Steve Martin. He overacts at mortal speed, rants, foams about the mouth, screeches in falsetto, but he never becomes watchable. How in the world was he cast against such a subtle actor as Michael Caine, I will never understand.
The Deep Blue Sea (2011)
Lifeless
Frankly, this is not a film at all. It's a series of filmed theatre scenes, and badly directed at that. I refuse to put any blame on the actors, as I've seen them in other films and I know what they are capable of, but they were obviously not allowed to breathe. They were, however, forced to shout. Shouting is welcome in a theatre, where actors should be clearly audible even to people occupying the most distant seats, but why shout in a film, where even a whisper can be made perfectly intelligible by the miracle of sound engineering.
Take, for example, the scene in the art gallery. Has anyone ever witnessed a screaming argument at such a place? Imagine, rather, that the actors had hissed menacingly instead of shouting at each other. Wouldn't it be more powerful, not to mention more realistic?
Theatre is one medium, film another, very different one. How sad that Terence Davies, the director, squandered away good story material and excellent actors by not understanding the difference.
Martyrs (2008)
The single worst thing about this film is...
What I found horrible beyond belief is that multitudes of people rated this film with 9, even 10 stars. What in the world did they find gratifying in this sickeningly repulsive movie? I have no clue, but just to be on the safe side, I'm buying extra locks and alarms, in case some of these people might be living in my neighbourhood.
Game of Thrones: Dragonstone (2017)
Back to field one
I have to admit I've been disappointed by GOT for some years now. I loved the first season, which truly captured the brutal imagination of the book, and it was only several seasons later that I became willing to admit that the TV show's producers were forcefully (and in my opinion quite unnecessarily) straying from George R.R. Martin's masterful path.
There is no more opportunity to compare the show to its origin, as Martin has seriously began to lag behind the TV juggernaut a few years ago, but what I saw in the opening of Season 7 made me hopeful again for the integrity of the show. I didn't feel it to be slow, or rather, it was deliberately slow in the manner of setting the chessboard. All the main characters were revisited and carefully placed. The verbal clash between Jon and Sansa took my breath away, along with their bannermen's. We know now where everybody stands, and the fireworks may begin. That there will be fireworks - I don't doubt at all.
The Hallow (2015)
Boring, but stupid
One of the worst films I've seen recently. OK, cross out "recently". It is obvious that authors started with a premise to use Irish folk tradition in building an ominous tale. However, judging by the finished product, they never got further in developing their premise into at least a semi-decent plot, but started shooting the film immediately after leaving the pub where they had had their initial discussion, still drunk on too many pints. The story, such as it is, meanders pointlessly, main characters keep making incredibly stupid choices. And the creatures... absolutely the worst special effects I've seen this side of 70's. Avoid at all cost!
Der Todesking (1990)
Avoid at all cost
This film wishes so hard to be art, but it just doesn't have what it takes to get there. It is gruesome in an unpleasant way, and the gruesomeness may be intense enough to steer the naive viewer into thinking that there is something deep beneath all the gore.
There is nothing. Nothing but the guarantee that it will irreversibly cut 80 minutes out of your precious life, should you endure all the way to the ending credits. Unfortunately, I did. I'm afraid there is no way that I can ever be reimbursed.
It's not horror. Horror should scare you. This amateurish piece of clap-trap will just nauseate you.
Parada (2011)
Gay and gayer in the land of blood and honey
Encouraged by enthusiastic reviews and impressively large audiences who had rushed into theatres to see the film before me, I was hoping for another of those gems that Serbian cinema has always had a knack for producing, such as "Who Sings Over There", "The Marathon Family", and, in more recent history, "Cabaret Balkan". No such luck. "The Parade" provides a few good laughs, though most of its biggest laughs were inevitably tapped from its steady undercurrent of toilet humour.
The film contains no characters, just caricatures, whether they are gay, macho, rabid hooligans, or weird mixtures of nationalistic stereotypes. The finesse is unknown territory in this film: put a menacing tattoo on his neck - there, a perfect skinhead! Tell him to move his hand in a funny way - there, a perfect gay! Cut! Fortunately, a few actors such as Nikola Kojo and Hristina Popovic manage to at least seem believable, Lord praise their acting skills; others just slouch around the set, looking very uncomfortable in the clichés they are wearing.
Where the film truly strikes the rock bottom is its storyline. Transformations that certain characters undergo in a short span of time are too sudden to be plausible, but then again, there is no pretense of telling a plausible human story. When the grim finale arrives, it feels like an entirely different film, which does not really help. Suddenly, instead of lowbrow jokes aimed at homophobic and nationalistic hatred, and, yes, excrement, there is a dizzying turn under supervision of High Moral Authority, accompanied by stern messages of Peace, Love and Universal Brotherhood. Well, perhaps it might have worked at the end of a completely different film... Here, though... If I were gay, I would feel offended.
Still, there may lie the only absolving quality of "The Parade". Many people have seen this film, if only for the laughs. If some of them feel less homophobic after seeing it, it has done some good. That's where I'm investing at least two of my four stars for the film.
The Godfather Part III (1990)
Underrated, yet still lacking the force of its predecessors
I saw this film upon its release, and there was something missing. Throughout the years, I continued to watch The Godfather, Parts I and II relentlessly. Last week I saw the third installment again, and liked it better than before. It would be a masterpiece, if we didn't have to compare it to parts I and II.
What I realized is that the force of the original Godfather films came out of their understatement. You can hardly see a moment of excitement in Vito Andolini's face (Marlon Brando in the original Godfather). He plays it chillingly cool, and I think that's the secret ingredient. Al Pacino did the same in the first two parts, but the third installment got out of control somehow, and there is a lot of overacting. It's a pity, because the story is really good, but a tighter direction could have gone a long way further.
I still recommend The Godfather, Part III. It does work, with its music, with its emotions, with the final dagger in the evil heart of the beast we have loved for so long, for reasons unknown.
Total Recall (1990)
Joyfully bad
This movie has been out and about for full 20 years now, and amazingly I first saw it yesterday. If only I knew...
This is one of those special films that are so bad they are actually enjoyable. Had I seen it way back when it was still new, I strongly believe I would have been seriously offended, maybe even asked my money back. But the passage of time has been generous to it, and now Arnie's wooden one-liners can finally be perceived as hilarious. I admit it, I laughed my head off at least three times.
Apparently, someone paid about $60 million for this mess, and that was twenty years ago. This is mind-boggling, because the special effects look more or less like those of Plan 9 from Outer Space. Which cost about two dollars. But that also adds charm, in much the same way. Come to think of it, Paul Verhoeven is something like Ed Wood on steroids. Lots of steroids. Oceans of steroids, or even galaxies of them.
A good film? Nooooooooooo!!! An enjoyable one? Well, with the right attitude...
[Rec] (2007)
Staggeringly boring
This film is a pathetic attempt at shameless recycling of what had already been recycled in "The Diaries of the Dead". I am shocked by the numerous favorable reviews it has received. What it amounts to is a senseless series of blurred images, accompanied by a senseless series of hysterical screams. There is not even a trace of a storyline. There are no characters to begin with, and they never develop into ones. The whole dreadful experience could be compared to having your head hit repeatedly by a jackhammer, yet it still manages to be infinitely boring. It's a short film, but it seemed to last forever. If you insist on watching this tripe (and I'm warning you: Don't!), expect a headache.
A Simple Plan (1998)
Coenesque, but without the Coen brothers' talent
I was really looking forward to seeing this after reading some very favorable reviews, penned by eminent critics. Then I stared at the movie in disbelief.
A patchwork of scrambled motifs from "Fargo" and "Blood Simple", with an ample dose of "Very Bad Things" thrown in, I found it to be an unpalatable mess. The worst offense of "A Simple Plan" is to present Bill Paxton's character and his wife as decent people, and then make them perform - and strongly embrace - extremely indecent acts. Yes, I would like to have four million dollars, but NO, I wouldn't kill for that kind of money. I suppose most decent human beings wouldn't, either.
The only thing that made me endure the whole length of the movie was Billy Bob Thornton's performance, which was simply stellar, and steadily grows upon the viewer towards the end.