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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)
Thankfully Putting The Franchise Out Of Its Misery In Terrible Fashion
I've long had a strange relationship with the Resident Evil movies. The game series has been among my favorites since I first fired up the original on my Playstation over 20 years ago. Despite the movies never really following the games (save for Apocalypse and some characters/monsters throughout the various movies) I always thought they were ok as dumb zombie action movies. But they were clearly out of steam by the time Retribution rolled around and the time was right to end things. Unfortunately, that end is this incomprehensible mess of a movie.
The Plot Issues
Oh where do I even start with this? I understand it being difficult to tie together 5 previous movies with numerous characters and plot twists but they clearly didn't care to make things even approaching coherent. For example, they immediately retcon and/or recycle several elements from previous films for no real reason aside from convenience. Remember where we left off the end of Retribution? With Alice being reinfected with the T-Virus by Wesker and seemingly teaming up with Umbrella for humanity's last stand in Washington DC? That's literally wiped away here in the first five minutes. Wesker apparently "pretended" to give her the virus before betraying her off screen prior to the start of this. So instead of a last stand in Washington DC we're given a race against time back to Raccoon City because apparently there's an airborne cure which will kill all the zombies and save the human race. Never mind that we've known there's a cure since the original and it's been used in several movies. Suddenly it's the deus ex machine for literally the entire series. But even lazier and most groan inducing is the final twist. Remember Apocalypse (part 2) when we learn the T-Virus was developed by a doctor to help his young daughter walk again, with the girl joining our protagonists? This is actually a nice allusion to the game series as Resident Evil 2's main villain was a mutated doctor who had worked on the virus and had his young daughter as a character helped by the protagonists. So of course they bring it back here... with Alice. Yes, the virus was developed by a father for his ailing daughter, who turns out to be the original Alice. No, not the Alice we've been following for six movies, as we find out *plot twist* she's a clone and has been the entire time. The film series has obviously done a lot with clones in the previous movies but this is such a lame move right at the end of the final movie just for the sake of a supposed big twist. I could continue on about more plot issues but there's no point: this movie is a mess and the good guys win. All you need to know.
I'm Sorry, Who Are You?
One nice touch is bringing back several characters for this movie, namely Claire Redfield. But any other character is just there to die. On this front, can someone explain to me why Ruby Rose is such a big thing in Hollywood right now? I don't get it as I have yet to see anything in any of her movies in the way of charisma or on screen magnetism. Granted, her part here was minor at best and could have been played by a million other nameless actors to similar effect. But that is the issue with most characters aside from Alice: we don't care. Even Wesker has nothing much to do in this movie as he plays second fiddle in his little screen time.
Can You Focus For A Second?
One frustrating aspect of this movie is the shaky camera work and editing. Segments of this movie feature such rapid fire cutting that it can make it difficult to decipher what is happening in certain action scenes. This isn't an uncommon occurrence in modern action movies but it wasn't present in the previous movies and it needs to stop. Film your action in a way that doesn't confuse the audience and stop having a cut every 1.5 seconds. Even if your movie is garbage at least it won't leave your audience trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Glad It's Over
The Resident Evil film series is better off finished. They always favored more action over horror and while this made some sense when the original came out in 2002, it's course has been run. Despite starting up several years before the recent zombie craze, they quickly faced into the background as loud, dumb, and generic action flicks that managed to not do the series justice (similar to the Transformers movies). The Resident Evil games have their roots in B-movie horror and could easily be rebooted in this vein a few years down the road. As such, it was time for this series to end. As far as this movie goes, it's only really necessary if you want something approaching closure to the film series. Otherwise, this is an easy skip. 2/10
Honeymoon (2014)
Passable, If Somewhat Dull
I will not claim that Honeymoon is some new, genre defining movie that will reshape the future of horror films as we know them. The past few years have seen some great low budget horror films come out and garner big positive buzz. The House of the Devil, It Follows, and The Babadook are a few examples of these. While Honeymoon isn't quite to the level of these movies, I found it to be a decent, if slightly dull, modern horror movie.
Bea and Paul are young newlyweds off on their honeymoon at Bea's childhood cabin in the woods. At the start, things are great. The two spend their time being very much in love and having lots of sex. But after a strange run in with a former childhood friend and his wife, Paul finds Bea wandering in the woods with no memory of how she got there. Bea begins acting bizarre and while Paul initially suspects something happened with the childhood friend, it soon becomes clear that something more sinister and perhaps otherworldly is influencing his wife.
I give a lot of credit to the actors. The script is pretty basic and features a number of clichés but they manage to be likable enough for the movie to be watchable. Most horror fans will almost immediately pick up on the cause of all the issues the first time a bright light shines through the window over the sleeping couple (I'm not saying it's aliens... but
) however they do a good job not just showing everything. Sometimes it pays dividends to leave certain details to the imagination.
Something not left to the imagination is a wonderful gross out sequence towards the end that involves Paul pulling some type of tentacle out of Bea's
well, let's just say that after the blackout she doesn't want to have sex anymore and this scene explains why. It's easily the most memorable scene in the movie but also probably the only truly stand out thing about it.
Despite this review sounding somewhat negative, I do think this is a decent movie. It isn't something that merits repeat viewings but if you're looking for something to watch on a lazy weekend afternoon you could certainly do much worse.
King Ralph (1991)
A Fun Little Comedy
I'm not even going to attempt to be unbiased about King Ralph. I first saw the movie at a young age and watched it many times growing up. The movie isn't high art or genre defining. It is a simple story about a lovable slacker who discovers he is much more and embarks on a fish-out- of-water journey. And as that King Ralph is a decent movie.
When a freak accident wipes out the entire British Royal Family, American lounge singer Ralph Jones is uncovered as the next heir to the throne. Despite being your atypical slacker, he shows a certain charm and his unconventional methods (along with much help from his private secretary and assistant) begin to win people over. He even begins to secretly see Miranda, a former stripper that he meets soon after arriving in England. But soon the corrupt Lord Graves begins a plot to disgrace Ralph and position himself as next in line for the throne. Miranda is pulled into the plot but falls for Ralph and backs out. Graves already has what he needs and disgraces Ralph at a royal ball. After Miranda admits her part in the plot, Ralph is able to trace it back to Graves and repair some of the damage done. He admits to Parliament and the people that he is not fit to be king and abdicates the throne to his secretary, who was secretly part of the royal line as well. Soon Ralph makes up with Miranda and the movie ends with them married as Ralph becomes a Duke and gets to live his dream of being a musician.
The cast is solid all around. John Goodman is impossible to hate as the big buffoon struggling to adapt to an entirely new world. Camille Coduri is likable despite her character's part in the plot against Ralph and has good chemistry with Goodman. Peter O'Toole and Richard Griffiths provide solid backup as his secretary and assistant, respectively, and John Hurt appears to have a blast in his small role as the evil Lord Graves.
As mentioned earlier, the story is a basic fish-out-of-water tale. Many of the jokes are derived from Ralph's class difference and ignorance of English culture. It is all very basic but is carried by the charm of Goodman. While my score of 8 is biased by years of popping in that old VHS tape, I recommend at least giving it a try. It is definitely worth a viewing.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
This Is More Like It
I've always had a soft spot for the Child's Play series. Living doll stories can be very creepy and there was a decent amount of these moments in the early movies. The concept may be rather stupid but I loved that the first two movies played it straight. The third one drifted a little more towards humor but still had it's moments. Then the two "...Of Chucky" movies threw all that out the window and went completely for comedy. 'Bride' and 'Seed' were as misguided as they were bad. Curse of Chucky brings the series back to it's horror roots and delivers a fairly effective little film.
Chucky is mysteriously delivered to the home of a paraplegic young woman and her mother. After the mother is murdered, her sister and family come to mourn and the woman's niece becomes attached to Chucky. As the night rolls on, she becomes more suspicious about where the doll came from as it creepily seems to appear and disappear around the house. She begins to unearth the history of Charles Lee Ray and soon the body count starts adding up.
I'm not saying this movie is an all time horror classic nor will it likely convert anyone that hates the Chucky series. But this is head and shoulders above the last three movies. There are some nice nods to past films without going too overboard or obvious (a big sin of modern horror remakes/reboots/sequels) and even a nice tieback that explains Chucky being delivered to these women. They even found a clever enough way to explain Chucky's lack of scars from the previous movies. There's just the right amount of blood and gore and the acting is pretty solid for a direct-to-video horror movie. I was pleasantly surprised by Fiona Dourif, daughter of Chucky's voice actor Brad Dourif. And Brad himself once again brings the right amount of murderous glee and menace to the evil little doll.
I often rant about modern horror movies, with the overabundance of PG-13 slop aimed at tweens and the lazy cash-in remakes/reboots trend. It's refreshing to see an old character without any "re-imagining" or other crap going on. Throw this one on if you need something to watch this Halloween. You could certainly do much, much worse.
Extraterrestrial (2014)
She's Shooting At A Cloaked Spaceship With A Roman Candle... Still Not Interesting
Normally when I write a movie review I like to be as thorough and detailed as possible to really convey my opinions and give the reader insight into why I feel how I do about the movie. That said I have no reason or desire to do that for this film.
Extraterrestrial is about as generic and clichéd as you can get. It is basically any slasher movie mixed with every cliché about alien abductions that exist. I wouldn't be shocked if the directors found a script from 15 years ago, decided to make it, added a few little modernizing tweaks, and this is the movie that resulted. Normally I don't mind a generic movie but I have no reason to care about anything happening here.
The characters are about as stock as you can get given the slasher movie setup. I predicted about 90% of the movie after the first 15 minutes and then just had to wallow through it from there. It's really too bad because the movie is well made and well shot. The alien special effects are a bit dodgy but that's par for the course.
The ending was rather groan inducing though. Our two main characters are returned to Earth because the aliens see that they're in love (I'm dead serious). So we get this happy ending
until they happen upon a covert unit cleaning up the crashed space ship and are both gunned down. If it had stopped there I would have been OK. But then we see a Man in Black, who lights a freaking cigarette and regurgitates some lines taken straight from the X-Files character they were ripping off. I'm literally expecting that Mulder will show up later that night to spy on the camp and try to get evidence of the E.B.E. being kept there. The movie then ends with Spirit In The Sky playing as the camera swoops around the camp to show us the injured alien and our two dead characters being tossed in a grave and torched.
Maybe I'm being too hard because I've seen so many slashers and alien based movies but this did NOTHING for me. I can't say it was terrible or even that bad. It was just generic, paint-by-the-numbers, boring. I guess check it out if you're interested and don't have a ton of experience with these types of movies. Otherwise, go watch Fire In The Sky instead.
The Babadook (2014)
You Can't Get Rid Of The Babadook... And You Shouldn't Want To
The Babadook garnered a very positive buzz right from the get go. In this modern age of jump scare filled, PG-13 "horror" aimed at teens and seemingly endless remakes, reboots, & re-imaginings of genre classics, is this little low budget film something many hardcore horror fans can truly appreciate and enjoy?
The Babadook tells the story of Amelia, a single mother struggling to get by with her young son. Her husband was killed on the way to the hospital the day her son, Samuel, was born and as his 7th birthday approaches she struggles with the loss. It doesn't help that her son has been behaving in a slightly alarming way, making weapons as a way to cope with imaginary monsters and freely telling people about his father's death. One night before bed they find a strange children's book entitled The Babadook. The story quickly turns very disturbing, leading Amelia to dispose of it. But Samuel soon begins to lash out even more, claiming to see the Babadook stalking them. As the sleepless nights begin to accumulate for both of them, Amelia begins to see strange things in the shadows. As the hallucinations gradually start to wear on her sanity, Samuel tries desperately to convince her that the Babadook is real and trying to get them.
I won't say any more about the plot because you really should see it for yourself. While this sounds like a fairy basic boogeyman type story, the level of tension built throughout is staggering. Psychological horror can be difficult to pull off properly and even if done well it can affect everyone differently. What this movie does so effectively is build the situation and gradually ratchet up the tension with little things here and there. As the movie wears on and Amelia becomes more sleep deprived, you are left to wonder if what she is seeing are hallucinations, dreams, or something truly real. But eventually you start to realize that it doesn't matter, as she is being destroyed by them.
If I have any reservation about the movie, it's Samuel. Through the first 30 minutes of the movie, he is insufferable, particularly right after they read the book. I understand that this was done both to show the grind on Amelia and also contrast to his much more rational behavior later in the film. The kid does a decent job in terms of acting but I can also understand the character being too much for some people to sit through. If you can make it through the character being so awful early on, it gets much better.
The character of Amelia is very well acted. The poor woman is in a bad way. Her husband died taking her to the hospital to have their son and now she is stuck trying to get by on her own. There are a few times in the movie where it's implied (or even outright said) that she would have preferred the opposite had happened. I thought this was a very humanizing thing to do with the character. She really takes a beating through the movie and you can just see her slowly being ground down.
The Babadook itself is never really clearly shown on screen and I LOVE that. There are plenty of small glimpses in the shadows but it never stands in plain sight for all to see. This is perfect as it allows your imagination to fill in the blanks. Sometimes the thing we can't see is the most terrifying.
This really is a great little horror movie. It aims to scare your mind rather than relying on jump scares with loud noises or buckets of blood. I'm not saying that everyone will love this movie but any good horror fan should definitely seek this one out. If nothing else, it is a refreshing break from most of the "horror" we get these days.
Tokyo Species (2012)
Well... this exists
Let me preface this review by saying that I consider myself a fan of the original Species and have varying opinions on the sequels. Basically, I view the original as a fun little bit of 90s schlock with a great cast and fantastic practical effects. It's not a classic but I enjoy it for what it is. So seeing this was definitely an odd experience. Also, I was only able to see this movie without subtitles or dubbing, so forgive me if this rundown is pretty vague with the details.
The movie opens with a young woman in a school girl outfit committing suicide via bridge jump (it appears she was teased over some risqué photos being spread around school). Almost immediately after, something possesses her body and takes over her life. She starts seducing men and killing them immediately after having sex. A new student arrives at school shortly after, adding more suspicions to the possessed girl's friend. This friend soon stumbles upon her friend's cache of dead mates and what appears to be eggs. Soon the new student shows up to kill the possessed girl and the friend gets caught up in their fight. After a confrontation, the friend is killed and the alien inside the new student uses her body to confront the alien possessed girl in a final showdown. They fight to the death and the movie ends on a close up of some of the surviving alien eggs.
Calling this a remake of the original isn't entirely accurate, as it incorporates elements found in all four movies. I actually found it to have the most in common with part 2, as the main character is actually controlled by an alien, mates multiple times, kills all their mates, and has a number of offspring. I got the impression that the idea for this movie came after some people had a marathon of the original four and decided to make their own version using whatever funds they had. And someone clearly had a lot of school girl outfits lying around.
As a movie on it's own merits... it's OK. They certainly don't waste any time getting right to business and the brisk run time keeps the movie from overstaying it's welcome. The few special effects are what you would expect from a low budget film but they are used sparingly, which helps. The acting is exactly what it needs to be. I think the only big downside to the movie is that every moment that might have been surprising or interesting is given away in the trailer.
Do I recommend this? I suppose if you are a fan of the original Species movies or you like low budget movies. I can't really give a ringing endorsement but there's nothing egregiously wrong with it. I say watch the trailer and if it looks interesting, track it down.
Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
You're Better Served Driving Nails Into Your Head
As a fan of the Hellraiser franchise, I refuse to accept this as a part of the series. As bad as the last few installments were, none sunk this far below the bottom of the barrel. Instead of actually reviewing this terrible piece of crap, here are some random thoughts and musings that crossed my mind while watching it: *It is quite odd how many white people populate these Mexican bars.
*Pinhead now lives inside the walls of this family's house?
*Despite her brother and boyfriend disappearing, the girl is extremely disturbed that her obvious d-bag boyfriend was banging a whore while in Mexico.
*Did Pinhead become a car thief since his last movie?
*I love how the wife was momentarily shocked at the prospect of there being a gun in the house.
*Did the film makers believe two lame Pinhead imitators would distract from how bad this movie is?
*Is it impossible for modern horror movies to have any remotely likable characters? I would cheer the Cenobites, if they weren't pale shadows of the original characters.
*Pinhead didn't kill the wimpy boy down in Mexico because
?
*Just out of curiosity, how common are Asian hookers in Mexico?
*That red headed kid is so brutally not intimidating, even with a shotgun in his hand.
*This movie can somehow warp time and space, as its 75 minute run time feels like two long hours. (Written at the 45 minute mark).
*Oh, a subplot about cheating amongst the parents. That's exactly what I thought the other Hellraiser movies were lacking.
*Considering the roots of this franchise and how grisly it could be, this one is easily outdone by any of the Saw movies.
*Uh, is that supposed to be a cliffhanger ending?
Why this "film" ever saw the light of day is a mystery. I understand it was only made to retain the franchise rights but that doesn't mean it needed to be released to the general public. I give this "movie" 1 star, simply because it makes me appreciate the original even more than I already did.
The Thing (2011)
I Appreciate The Effort, But...
John Carpenter's The Thing is one of my all time favorite films. In terms of atmosphere, suspense and a real sense of mystery, it is hard to find any movies that can match it. And the practical effects are still fascinating to this date, despite being a little dated at times. With so much love for the original, I had many reservations about a prequel but was willing to give it a try. While it does manage some suspense early on, it eventually succumbs to modern day horror movie clichés and becomes just another monster movie.
The film is set in 1982 and focuses on a Norwegian outpost in Antarctica that makes a world changing discovery: a large extraterrestrial craft buried beneath 100,000 year old ice. They also find and extract it's alien pilot from the ice. The creature revives and kills a member of the team before being dispatched. Upon autopsying the remains, they learn that the creature has the ability to perfectly imitate other lifeforms. Soon the team isn't sure who they can trust and who is no longer human. After the team is slowly killed off by the thing, the camp is eventually completely destroyed. The last thing attempts to escape using the spacecraft but is killed. We are then treated to a sequence during the end credits setting up the original movie.
I really enjoyed the first 45 minutes of this movie. While a bit rushed, it felt very much in the spirit of the original. But as soon as the CGI started rearing it's ugly head, the movie lost me. All the tension evaporated and it quickly devolved into a more basic 'chased by a monster' movie. Part of the problem is the thing is not supposed to be out in the open, chasing people like an angry dog. The worst part of the third act is the creature being reduced to a lumbering CGI animal. And on the subject of CGI, it's horrible and inexcusable. Given the incredible practical effects of the original, this is a punch to the gut for fans. Much of the bad CGI could have been done better with practical effects but Hollywood prefers taking the easy way with these kinds of effects.
Another problem is the cast. It's not that the acting is bad, as it works well enough. But there's just too many characters and we never get to know most of them. One of the strengths of the original was the use of a small cast in an isolated area to build tension. Did we know all of their life stories? No. But they were all able to speak often enough for us to care about them. When the team in this movie is getting picked off, I struggled to remember their names and usually didn't care when I couldn't figure it out. There are also a number of continuity errors between this movie and the original, which is another insult to fans. If your script does not match up perfectly to the original source material you are preceding, rewrite your damn script!
In the end, The Thing feels like a missed opportunity. I personally believe that if they had used little to no CGI and had a stronger third act (save for the setup of the original) that this movie could have been very good. Instead, it's just a mediocre retread of the original. Score: 4/10
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
It is better to be original. This remake proves it.
I will start off by saying I am a huge fan of the original NOES franchise. The first film is a classic in the genre and holds up well despite being decades old. While the sequels diminished Freddy into a cackling jokester, he is still an iconic boogeyman. All of that is why this movie is so very disappointing.
The story is fairly simple. A number of high school kids start dying under suspicious circumstances and the remaining ones begin to suspect something sinister at work. They realize that they have a shared nightmare of a burnt man with knives on his hand and struggle to uncover the truth while trying not to fall asleep. As more of them die, they discover that the burnt man is Fred Krueger, a gardener at their preschool who molested them all as children. When the parents found out that this was happening, they chased him into an abandoned building and set fire to it, vowing to never speak of him again. Now, he has returned for 'his' children.
My absolute biggest complaint, beyond the one dimensional characters, overuse of jump scares and clunky dialogue, is that they completely changed Krueger. In the original movies, he was a child murderer, plain and simple. But they decided to turn him into a child molester for this remake. It not only completely changes the dynamic of the character but it adds a layer of sexual grime to the entire film that is unnecessary. In the original, he was a killer, so it made sense that he would want to kill the kids in their dreams. Changing that poses the question of WHY he suddenly wants to kill them, not to mention giving him way too many terrible innuendos.
The cast of teens/fodder are all poorly drawn reheats of the usual clichés. Popular athlete, artistic female outsider, pretty blond, brooding guy with a dark side. They all say the lines and scream when they are supposed to but that is about it. As for poor Jackie Earle Haley, he does the best he can in playing a character beloved by millions of horror fans. The script hampers the character, who cannot decide if he is a terrifying boogeyman or perverted jokester. It is as though the writers could not decide if they should base this new Freddy on just the original movie or the sequels, so we get a little of both. And it just does not work. Also, the Freddy makeup is awful. He looks too much like a cat in my opinion, especially the early flashes of him.
I will give the writers some credit, as the whole 'micro-naps' idea had a ton of potential. The problem is they use it more for jump scares than anything else. Plus it seems inconsistent with regular sleep. For example, when Nancy is pulled out of the car by Freddy during one of these micro-naps, she wakes up back inside of it, completely unscathed. She should have either been on the ground outside the car or scraped up from that. But I digress...
Horror movie remakes are constantly churned out, usually for a quick buck. But some others actually attempt to re-imagine the material. I feel that this one falls somewhere in the middle. It falls victim to many modern day horror trappings, which adds a feeling of lazy cash in. While I respect them doing something as risky as altering an iconic horror figure, they simply did it the wrong way. Overall, the movie is nothing impressive, although it is better than some remakes I have seen. A few interesting visuals involving the dream world scattered among an otherwise boring and almost dirty feeling film. I would say stick to the original if you really want a movie that will disrupt your sleep patterns.
Black Swan (2010)
A Slow Dive Into Insanity
I know many people probably saw the previews for this movie and dismissed it on the basis that ballet is the main focus. I mean, if someone doesn't like ballet, why would they want to see this movie? At the risk of sounding cliché, this movie is much more than skinny girls dancing. It is a slow, tense and thrilling ride along with a young woman whose mind gradually slips into darkness.
Nina is a meek, polite and fragile ballet dancer, living with her mom and mainly dancing in the background of her dance company. When she finally gets the opportunity to step into the spotlight as the lead in Swan Lake, she must learn to embrace the duality of the character. The sweet, innocent White Swan flows easily from her but it is her evil twin, the seductive Black Swan, that Nina struggles to find. Pushed to the brink mentally by her sexualizing director, overbearing and controlling mother and a new dancer that in many ways represents her Black Swan twin, Nina begins to delve into the darker aspects of the character in her actual life, slowly losing grips on reality as she goes deeper. By the time the final performance arrives, her director tells her to lose herself but it appears that she already has.
This is a film best described as a psychological horror/thriller. Much of the horror is derived from Nina's slowly worsening hallucinations, which is some of the best usage of body horror since David Cronenberg's films in the 80s. Ballet itself tears up the human body and that is the initial cause for those scenes. But as the film gets darker things become even more unsettling. Adding to this is the wonderfully filmed hand camera scenes, especially during the dance sequences. The shots are tight and almost always moving, creating unease and adding tension.
As far as acting goes, if Natalie Portman doesn't take home and Oscar for this movie there is no justice in the world. Aside from her physical transformation and training just to play the part, her performance is nothing short of incredible. She is a fragile, weak human being throughout the entire movie that seamlessly moves to graphic for the short scenes. This doesn't change throughout the movie. The character doesn't have some magical snapping point where she's suddenly evil. In fact, when we think we got this snapping point, it turns out to be a hallucination. Nina is basically a victim of her own mental foundation crumbling out from under her and Portman plays this to perfection. Mila Kunis does a great job as Lily, the counterpart to Nina who becomes her main competition. The character is very important to Nina's spiral and Kunis infuses her with the right attitude. Vincent Cassel is perfect as the slimy director and Barbara Hershey does a good job as Nina's controlling mother. Both characters do a good job at earning your disgust, as they should.
The only pitfall I can see with this movie is that it might be hard for some to stomach. It will mess with your mind and make you uneasy numerous times and some people can't handle that. And yes, those who loathe ballet should probably look elsewhere. But for those who can handle it, this movie is an excellent look at how a person can slowly fragment into insanity.
Machete (2010)
A guilty pleasure that is actually quite good
It's needless to say that this is an extremely polarizing type of movie. A throwback to the old grindhouse exploitation days, Machete was never intended to set the world on fire or rake in Oscars. Rather it was crafted to be over the top and fun and on both of these fronts it succeeds impressively.
Danny Trejo stars as Machete, a former government agent whose wife was murdered in front of him by a drug lord (Steven Seagal). Several years later, after becoming a street worker, he is unwittingly recruited to assassinate a corrupt politician (Robert DeNiro) with big plans for getting illegal immigrants out of the U.S. When it turns out the assassination attempt was actually a setup to boost the popularity of the senator, Machete finds himself with the opportunity to get revenge for his wife. Helping along the way are a taco vendor/underground freedom fighter (Michelle Rodriguez), a government agent (Jessica Alba) and his shotgun wielding priest brother (Cheech Marin).
The movie epitomizes over the top. At one point Machete repels out of a window using the intestines of a still living enemy for rope. There is plenty of ridiculous action to be had, along with fun small roles for Lindsay Lohan (playing a coked out internet porn star, imagine that) and Don Johnson. The rest of the cast appears to be having a blast, except for Danny Trejo, who is too busy playing the ultimate bad ass. There's plenty of tongue in cheek moments with both the dialogue and music to give a few good laughs along the way. If approached with the right mindset, Machete is a couple hours worth of over the top violence and fun that you won't feel guilty for enjoying.
Inception (2010)
A dense, superbly made, mind-bending masterpiece
Christopher Nolan has been a hot name in Hollywood for the past five years and rightfully so. He revived a dead in the water Batman franchise with two fantastic genre transcending films and also delivered a strong character driven revenge story with The Prestige. But Inception marks his first truly original story in a decade, one that took almost a decade for him to craft. With his streak of strong stories at stake, Nolan meets and exceeds the expectations his previous films have set.
Inception is difficult to sum up entirely. The plot works something like this: Cobb and his associate Arthur work as Extractors. They enter the mind of a person through their dreams in order to extract information. When they botch a job and prepare to run, they are instead offered something different: inception, the planting of an idea into someone's mind. This is far more difficult and after assembling a team for such a task, they venture into the man's mind in order to plant the seed of an idea deep in his subconscious.
This is obviously not a film for someone who just goes to the theatre to see explosions and hear one liners. The story is dense, as the team needs to venture into highly complex dreams within dreams in order for the idea to take. Because of this, there are events co-occurring on different levels (and within different speeds of time) and these varying levels can be challenging to follow for those not paying attention. At one point, the team is three levels deep within the dream world, meaning events are occurring on four levels. But somehow Nolan makes it possible to follow.
Another strength of the movie is it's cast. Leonardo DiCaprio gives his usual strong performance as Cobb, a man who has a bad past with entering dreams but continues to do it because he is the best. Joseph Gordon-Levitt works quite well as Cobb's partner and Ellen Page gives another great performance. Both of those two have big things in their futures. Cillian Murphy is strong in his slightly supporting role of the man whose dreams are entered and Ken Watanabe is great as the man who originates the idea to incept. In whole, there isn't really a weak member of this cast.
Although this is a very dense story, there is some very interesting action included, at least enough to break up the more talkative parts of the movie. The special effects are also top notch but don't appear enough to take away from the narrative. As the movie is mostly character driven (particularly around Cobb's past), these elements aren't as necessary to the story but are both strong none the less.
This movie was not made for anyone. Some people may find it too dense and layered for their liking while others will complain that you don't really take anything away when it's done. But there are so many levels to examine that the inability to find something interesting is impossible. This is a film that warrants multiple viewings in order to truly embrace every aspect of the story and for some, this is too much of a chore. But if you are the kind of person that likes a deep, layered movie that will require your attention to follow and comprehend, then Inception is the type of film made for you.
Batman & Robin (1997)
A franchise dies in a neon colored toy commercial
The first time I saw this movie, at the age of 10, I thought it was awesome. Unfortunately, reality eventually set in. This movie really was a perfect storm of studio executives wanting an even more family friendly movie and the previous movie doing as well as it did with it's lighter, more campy tone. The result is a loud, bright and bad take on the Batman.
If you know anything about comic books, the plot is easy enough to understand. Mr. Freeze needs money to save his ill wife and plans to freeze Gotham City and hold it ransom in order to get it. Poison Ivy wants to kill all humans and overrun the world with her super plants. Only Batman and Robin can stop them! And along the way, Alfred the butler has a niece show up and then falls ill. Of course, Batman and Robin have a spat over Ivy and Alfred's niece becomes Batgirl. In the end, good triumphs over evil and Freeze even helps cure Alfred, who had and early stage of the same disease his wife does.
There are so many bad things about this movie that I feel the need to list them. So here goes: Mr. Freeze only speaks in ice and cold related puns, which wears thin after about five minutes; Batman and Robin have nipples on their suits. We don't know why; Poison Ivy comes off as a murderous Jessica Rabbit, thanks to Uma Thurman's "performance"; Gotham City has become some kind of neon nightmare with giant statues of muscular men scattered about; Alicia Silverstone, as Batgirl, is terrible. On top of that, they completely botched the origin of her character; Batman has a Bat-American Express card; Batman comes off as possible being in the closet (George Clooney later admitted he played the character as being gay); Right before the final battle, Batman, Robin and Batgirl rush off, as time is short. Yet they still take time to change into entirely new suits and get new vehicles while Freeze starts to ice the city; there are so many big flashy vehicles that it feels much like a toy commercial; in an early sequence, Batman and Robin sky surf; in another early sequence, Batman and Robin somehow have ice skates that appear from the bottom of their boots; Bane, a brilliant criminal mastermind in the comics, is reduced to a giant oaf who works as Poison Ivy's thug; I don't feel the need to go on.
Despite the lashing I just gave this movie, you may have noticed I gave it a 2. The reason this did not get the lowest possible score is that it's epic failure was enough to cause an eventual reboot of the franchise, which in turn became two of the best comic book movies ever. For that reason, it gets a full point more than it would have on merit alone. The best thing to do with this movie is to view it right before watching Batman Begins and/or The Dark Knight, as it's pitiful existence makes those films seem even better than they already are.
Splice (2009)
It's something different and compared to most modern horror, that wins
If you are a horror fan like myself, then I'm sure you've felt the pain of the recent trend in Hollywood of remaking classics and pumping out PG-13 horror aimed at tweens. Something fresh, original and exciting is a rare find in the genre these days and even more rare is something generally suspenseful and scary. Splice manages to be one of those two and for that reason, it is head and shoulders above most modern horror.
The story is classic 'scientist screwing with nature' at it's core. Clive and Elsa are two married scientists at the head of a program that is splicing DNA to create new lifeforms in order to create and harvest useful proteins for a variety of reasons. They have a rousing success in creating a completely original species and want to move to the next step: adding human DNA to the mix. The owner of the company balks at this idea, citing both legal and ethical reasons and instead wants them to move forward with cultivating from their created worms. The two decide to splice the DNA cocktail including human and let it sit until the right time. After doing so, Elsa decides on a whim to just attempt to make a viable embryo, to see if it will actually work. Clive objects but the embryo quickly grows and is born within days. The resulting creature metamorphoses into an off little creature and the pair decide to observe it's rather fast life cycle while they have the opportunity. The creature, who Elsa lovingly names Dren, rapidly matures into a humanoid, with Elsa acting almost as a mother to her. They hide her in an old storage floor of their research facility and act almost as her parents. Everything comes unraveled when a public presentation of the two created worms turns nasty as one had transgendered into a male and the two fought each other to a gory death in front of the media and a live audience. This forces Elsa and Clive to move Dren to the childhood farm house belonging to Elsa, as the research facility is now under heavy watch. While at the farm Dren begins to rebel against Elsa, who was revealed to have been abused by her mother. When Dren reacts badly to a gesture by Elsa, she removes part of Dren's tail and uses it to get the protein needed by the company. Clive, having grown distant from Elsa, is seduced by Dren and they have sex, which Elsa walks in on. This, combined with Clive discovering the the human DNA in Dren came from Elsa, makes the two of them realize that things have gone too far and it's time to end it. They return to the farm to find that Dren is ill and dying. They bury her body after her death and begin to burn any signs she was there. As they do this, their supervisor and Clive's brother arrive and demand to know where the creature is (the brother knew all along and the strains Elsa cultivated were found to have human DNA). As soon as they tell them Dren is dead, there is a loud shriek and they see Dren's new transgendered male form. He quickly picks off the brother and supervisor as Elsa and Clive scatter into the woods. The creature targets and rapes Elsa before killing Clive. Elsa is then able to kill Dren with a rock across the skull. The movie ends with Elsa negotiating a deal with the owner of the company, which is revealed to involve the baby Elsa is now pregnant with.
The two things that stand out the most in this movie is the top notch acting and the special effects. The three leads take a premise that could have easily been very campy and make it a lot more believable than it should be. Special mention should go to Delphine Chaneac, whose first role as Dren is nothing short of amazing. Striking just the right balance between scared animal and curious child, she is so convincing it's downright scary. Her performance, coupled with some of the best special effects seen in a while, make the creature both interesting and later threatening.
The downfall of the movie is it's third act. What starts as a timely and interesting concept abruptly becomes a monster in the woods movie. Add to that the snicker inducing sex scene and it's easy to see that the writers must have started with an awesome idea but then didn't know how to end it. If a better ending had been attached, this easily could have gotten a 9.
The true merit of this movie is viewing it as a cautionary tale of the times. Science is doing so many new and unusual things these days and this movie is a not-so-far-out-there tale of what could happen if you screw with mother nature. If you can get past the rough ending and some very cavalier takes on science, the movie is strong enough on the acting of the leads and suspenseful enough early on to merit a viewing.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Despite trying hard, it is a lot of hype
Before you continue, I would like to make it clear that I am a seasoned veteran of horror films and most of them don't affect me in the least anymore.
I'm sure you've heard all the comparisons to the Blair Witch Project but this movie takes the whole 'paranormal stalker' idea and brings it a little closer to home. Literally. Katie's the pretty college student, Micah is her slightly moronic boyfriend. And something is banging on their walls at night. They bring in a ghost expert, who tells them they have a demon, which has been messing with Katie on and off for years. He gives them a number to call for a demon expert and tells them not to provoke the angry entity. So what do they do? Not call the expert and Micah starts trying to screw with the demon. Things start getting worse. So he starts acting like more of an idiot. And by the time they finally get around to calling the master of demons, he's out of town and the ghost expert tells them he can't do a thing. The unseen demon makes it known that it isn't happy with Micah and despite deciding to leave the house (which won't help because Katie is what draws this thing), they stay one last night...
While the idea is very fresh when compared to recent horror films (mainly remakes), the scares aren't that bad for a horror veteran. A moving door, powdery footprints that appear out of nowhere, loud noises downstairs, etc. But to those who are desensitized to these simple scares, it becomes another horror movie. There are too many 'duh' moments where a logical person would say 'why are they doing this?' It really kills suspension of belief when someone does (or doesn't do) something so clearly stupid that you slap your forehead.
If you can maintain suspension of disbelief for the 100 minutes, it is decent. It gets points for being original compared to recent horror. But is it the 'scariest movie in the last 10 years'? Not unless you never see horror movies at all. It's good for a Halloween scare but the hype around it will soon fade when the sequel is officially announced.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)
How Hollywood Does Exorcisms
I was never overly interested in this movie as I knew it would never live up to the terror in The Exorcist. When I was finally dragged to see this movie, I found it to be an entirely different monster. And not in a good way.
The movie itself plays out as more of a courtroom drama with a case rooted in horror film elements. It centers more on the trial of the priest that attempted to exorcise Ms. Rose and his defense lawyer. Apparently because the priest (Tom Wilkinson) was unable to help Emily and she ended up dying from her "symptoms", they are trying to hold the priest responsible. We get a bunch of flashbacks that show Emily go from nice, wholesome farm girl to demonically possessed and the attempts made to get the demons out.
I can't say a whole lot good about this movie. It is terribly boring and has more than a few horror film clichés. The only praise I can give is to Tom Wilkinson, whose a fantastic actor even when given such poor material and to Jennifer Carpenter, who does some downright scary things in this movie. The part when she's on the floor in her dorm room all twisted and contorted? That was done with no visual effects. She did it herself. And the barn exorcism where she howls and shrieks in inhuman ways? Yep, her again. She even got so into character that she forgot the scene was done and attacked Wilkinson. She is the only reason to see this movie as it is mostly a boring courtroom drama.
Watchmen (2009)
Tries very very hard, maybe too hard.
I want to make one thing clear: I REALLY wanted to love Watchmen. It seemed like my kind of movie from the first time I saw the trailer. However, after spending roughly 2 hours and 45 minutes (!!!) of my life watching them, I think I may have been better served watching something else.
I won't go into too many details, as there are way too many crammed into this movie, but here's how it goes: in an alternate version of 1984, superheroes are real, people know and those same people forced them to retire. So now, the world is teetering on the brink of full out nuclear war and one of the former heroes (the biggest a$$hole of the group) is killed. So the other heroes start to think it might have been one of there own. And then the blue guy gets really tall and walks around with his junk hanging out. His girlfriend, sick of doing a blue guy, hooks up with another former hero, the pudgy Nite Owl. And some other stuff happens before we find out that it WAS one of the heroes (the really rich one) that set it up and he also found some way to save the world by blowing up a bunch of cities and blaming it on the blue guy.
My biggest problem with this movie is it's TOO FREAKING LONG. I'm not against long movies but when you could cut almost an hour of the movie and not lose much, something's wrong there. Also, why did they insist on including shots of Dr. Manhattan's junk? Was it really necessary? We get it, he walks around naked and can blow you up by thinking about it.
The best part of the movie for me was Rorschach. Now THAT is how a vigilante should be portrayed. He's like the complete antithesis of Batman: poor, living under his secret identity and willing to kill without a second thought. I wish they could somehow spin him off for his own movie, even though he met a rough end in this one.
Overall, Watchmen strives to be another genre breaking superhero movie like The Dark Knight but it just collapses under it's own weight. Perhaps if Synder had deviated a little bit more from the source material and cut another half hour of unnecessary scenes, this could have been something epic. Instead, it is an overlong bore fest filled with blue junk, a$$hole heroes and sex scenes ending in a flamethrower going off. See it if you are a Watchmen fan but use caution if you aren't.
Face/Off (1997)
Lame Title But Great Movie
OK, I know the title is supposed to be kind of a joke. "Hey, they're gonna fight each other AND they have their faces taken off! I have the PERFECT name for this movie!" But I can forgive the weak name because the premise and action are actual up to par.
Starring Nicolas Cage (before his recent binge of stinkers) and John Travolta (before we all realized how untalented he was), the movie follows an FBI agent (Travolta, at least at the beginning) who has his face switched with that of his comatose nemesis (who just so happens to be the murdered of his son) in order to infiltrate a prison and retrieve information about a bomb. So Travolta becomes Cage and enters this prison, just in time for the coma to end and a faceless Cage to become Travolta. And because the "mission" was highly secretive and known only to a few people, Bad Guy (as I will refer to him) kills anyone who knew Good Guy was in the pen. So Bad Guy gets to go home and sleep in Good Guy's bed while he rots in jail. Well, Good Guy is able to break out and convince his wife that Bad Guy is not really him, all leading to the aforementioned face off.
The acting is about what you'd expect from a late 90s Nicolas Cage. Travolta has some fun being the crazy man and Joan Allen does a good job as Dr. Wife caught in the middle.
As an action film with some suspense mixed in, the films works quite well. It's not the smartest movie ever made but it will keep your attention. Definitely worth a viewing if you need some gun fire set to a good gimmick.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Gruesome? Yes. Scary? Well...
The first time I saw this movie, I had never seen the original. Afterwards, I tracked it down and was able to compare the two. Unfortunately, it made the remake seem like even more of a letdown.
The basic story is familiar enough. Family in RV is driving through the badlands, their tires get blown out and they end up stranded. Pretty soon, some nasty mutants show up and set the dad of the family on fire before raping the young daughter and suckling on the oldest daughter before shooting her and taking the baby. So it's up to the slightly nerdy son in law to rescue his child from the mutant freaks.
I can honestly say that I spent the first 45 minutes of this movie bored out of my mind. It was way too by the numbers for me. It wasn't until the mutants made a bonfire with the old man as the kindling that I felt anything. But I think that was more disgust with the teen girl being raped as her dad burned followed by the other sister getting sucked and blown away. After that, there wasn't much more worth mentioning, save for a creepy scene where the son in law hides in a freezer full of body parts.
In the end, this movie just sort of exists. While not nearly as bad as it's sequel (do NOT see that one), it lacks anything really scary. There's a decent bit of gore and some disturbing moments but nothing that will make you sleep with the light on. Worth a rental if you're curious but otherwise, go with the original.
Alien Resurrection (1997)
Decent Idea Killed By Horrible Execution
If ever a franchise needed a new direction, it was the Alien series. With Ellen Ripley gone, there was an opportunity to do something totally new and original. Instead, the studio insisted that Ripley return and thanks to the cloning of the deceased character (cardinal sin #1 when making a movie), she did, with the alien queen in tow. But that was forgivable because of the idea that came with Ripley (ie the failed clones). Then the director decided to crap all over it and make another bad horror/sci-fi movie with bad cgi.
The story is fairly basic. Ripley is somehow cloned 200 years after her death, with the alien queen somehow still in her. The doctors cut it out of her and keep her alive for some reason. Some space pirate types bring the scientists some hyper-sleeping miners and shortly thereafter, we have a bunch of aliens in cages. But these aliens (and Ripley) had some genetic crossover due to the cloning and are much smarter, leading to a fast escape. The rest of the movie is spent with Ripley and the pirates trying to escape the ship, all leading up to a "shocking" revelation after Ripley is taken into the alien nest: the alien queen now has a humanlike reproductive system from the genetic crossover. She then gives birth to a nasty looking hybrid, which quickly kills her and sees Ripley as it's mother. Ripley eventually escapes to the pirate's ship and kills the hybrid by letting it get vacuumed out a broken window.
A lot of the concepts in the movie could have worked very well. The scene with Ripley finding her failed clones is the best scene in the film. The rest is... well, questionable. Most of the cast (save for the pirates) is just poor, reading their lines more like a dark comedy (although that is mainly the fault of the writer). Save for the clone scene, Sigourney Weaver is borderline terrible and the fact that she got paid more for this movie than the entire budget of the original Alien is horrendous. The aliens themselves look like crap, both in color and how they are portrayed. The little bit of cgi used for the aliens is appalling, even by late 90s standards. And the hybrid alien is a f***ing travesty. It's not scary or interesting, just plain ugly. And the fact that it was designed with genitals (which were removed post-production) pretty much says it all.
This movie could have been the start of a new, unique trilogy. Instead, it effectively killed the original Alien franchise and led to us having to endure those horrible alien/predator crossovers. For that reason alone, this movie loses a few points. All in all, this whole story should have never been adapted into a movie.
Species (1995)
One Fine B-Movie
Species is a nice throw back to a time when b-movies weren't directly released on DVD and cgi was only used when absolutely necessary. The movie world was quite different back then, allowing a movie with a concept like this the chance to actually be released into theaters. And sure enough, the movie was a decent hit in the summer of 1995.
The movie begins with what appears like a young girl being gassed while a bald man looks on sadly. But rather than die, the girl breaks out of the compound and escapes on a train a few dozen miles away. The bald man, Xavier, quickly gathers a team to track this young girl. The team includes an assassin, anthropologist, molecular biologist and an "empath". As the young girl switches trains, Xavier explains to the team that the girl is the product of an alien signal explaining how to bind a sequence of DNA with human DNA. The girl soon goes into a cocoon and emerges later as a stunning adult that can metamorphosis in a monster. The team track her to LA and race to find her as she begins her search for a man to reproduce with, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake. Eventually, she discovers the team and fakes her own death in front of them, with the intent of mating with the assassin. But she instead ends up copulating with and killing the anthropologist before being discovered and chased by the team. They track her underground and after she kills Xavier, she births a fast growing baby. Shortly after, the baby is set ablaze and the team manages to blow the monster's head off and leave her to burn with her baby.
The cast is the strongest part and their enthusiasm makes the movie work. Ben Kingsley does alright as Xavier and Michael Madsen plays his usual badass self as the assassin Press Lennox. Forrest Whitaker, for all his talents, is given some of the worst dialogue ever as the empath or psychic. Natasha Henstridge does alright as the oft naked space beauty. She doesn't really do much but that fits her part. And both Alfred Molina and Marg Helgenberger both do a good job in the roles they are given.
The story isn't exactly anything new and borrows from a number of sources but as a whole, it works quite well. The monster effects, as designed by HR Giger, are magnificently executed, save for a few brief minutes of bad cgi at the end of the film. All in all, the movie is a decent sci-fi skin movie that does a number of things pretty good and a few things really well. It's the perfect example of how a b-movie concept can be successful if given the right cast with the right attitude.
Species II (1998)
Look out for the exploding uterus!
This is actually a re-review. My original review was over 8 years old and quite harsh. Upon recently rewatching the first two, I thought perhaps it was time to polish my review a bit. Don't get me wrong, the movie is still trash
but it doesn't deserve quite the lashing I originally gave it.
The movie starts in space as the first manned mission to Mars approaches the alien world. Patrick Ross sets down on the planet's surface as the Earth rejoices. Upon returning to the ship, something from the Martian rock samples infects him and the other astronauts as they make their way back. After receiving a hero's welcome, Patrick violates the sexual quarantine with a pair of sisters and quickly (in rather nasty fashion) becomes a father to two little alien hybrids. We also learn that a more docile clone of Sil from the original exists and becomes extremely aroused when Patrick does the deed. Laura (from the original movie), who cares for Eve and now runs the program to find weaknesses in the alien species, is able to bring Press Lennox back into the fold when it becomes apparently that another alien hybrid is on the loose. Meanwhile Patrick has become more alien after a suicide attempt and starts rapidly expanding his family, leaving a trail of gutted women in his wake. Press and Laura are able to determine that Patrick is the cause after the female astronaut dies in nasty fashion and Gamble, the third astronaut, is found to have avoided infection due to being a carrier for sickle cell anemia (the aliens cannot handle genetic disorders). They eventually have to activate Eve's alien DNA in order to track Patrick via a psychic link the aliens possess. But this allows him to sense Eve's existence and almost break her out after turning himself in. He escapes, killing his senator father shortly after, and returns to his spawn in order to have them cocoon and reach maturity. Eve manages to escape and Press, Laura, & Gamble follow her to Patrick's hideout. As Eve and Patrick begin to mate, the team uses a toxin derived from Gamble's blood to kill the cocooned offspring before the final confrontation. Eve briefly regains her humanity and attempts to help but is killed via phallic tentacle being shoved down her throat. Laura then sprays him with the toxin as Press uses Gamble's blood on a pitchfork to end Patrick. As the place is cleared out the following morning, Eve's body is loaded into an ambulance but her abdomen begins to swell as the movie cuts to black.
This movie is a very strange contradiction. It is SO bizarre in so many ways yet so painfully dull in others. The direction and most of the acting is just plain meh. Whereas the original had this weird charm to it, this one just feels a bit
off. The practical effects are amazing but there's the fact that women give birth minutes after sex via uterus eruption. Not to mention the third act alien sex scene and tentacle murder. I'm still stunned that a major studio made this movie for a wide release and it isn't just some strange live action hentai tentacle porn. I also find it weird that in the age of bizarre and "so bad it's good" movies being popular that something this weird isn't discussed more. But I feel that says a lot about the movie: insane and weird but somehow very forgettable. If you have a strong stomach and like strange movies, maybe try this. Otherwise, just stick to the first one. 3/10
Species III (2004)
*Yawn*
What happens when you take most of the sex and a good portion of nudity out of a Species movie and throw in a low budget and boring script? You get Species 3, which is appallingly boring when compared to the other movies. Number one had a great atmosphere and cast, number two had good special effects (and little else worth noting) and number three has.... um, hold on, I'll think of something.
If you have read the plot synopsis for this movie, you have been badly misled. It claims that Sara is desperately seeking a mate while a military team closes in on her. Neither is true. The movie starts shortly after number 2, with Eve's body being transported somewhere so they can "use her dying DNA to make something else." Why they can't just make another one is beyond me but anyway. The truck driving her stops as an alien tongue bursts through the back wall of the truck and kills the passenger. The driver goes to investigate only to catch Eve waking up and giving birth in an unusual way. She doesn't even have time to see the baby before the little Patrick child in the back with her snaps her neck with his alien tongue. (Anyone else notice the cat that was in there at the end of 2 had vanished?) Anyway, the driver grabs the newborn creature and scurries away as troops arrive to see what happened to the truck. This driver somehow turns out to be a college professor (yes, I know, makes no sense) named Dr. Abbot. He starts to raise the young girl, whom he names Sara, while he teaches class at a local college. Shortly after, he is visited by a large, sickly looking person that turns out to be the halfbreed that was in the back of the truck. It is looking for Sara, as he and the rest of his kind are dying off due to weakened immune systems (Funny that these big bad aliens can't handle things like pollen). This halfbreed dies in his office, spilling it's guts all over. Abbot then enlists a brilliant student, Dean, to help him with his planned experiments involving the alien DNA. At the same time, Sara has gone into her cocoon and hatches out as a shapely adult. She is confronted by the university's dean while in her full glory, but rejects him as a mate (We later find out that her "superior DNA" doesn't match up with humans, so they will not produce offspring with her). He doesn't like this and she ends up killing him. Abbot and Dean return to find the empty cocoon and the dead dean and realize what happened. They get rid of the body and Abbot explains that he plans to use Sara's ovum (without her knowledge) and the DNA from the half breeds to create a perfect species (Why he wants to do this is never made clear). As Sara roams the college town, she senses another halfbreed that is seeking her out and almost mates with him before realizing that he is sick and dying. The next day, Abbot and Dean prepare to start experimenting on Sara when she is attacked by the halfbreed, who is desperate to mate before he dies. They manage to save Sara and kill him but not before he impales Abbot. After this, Dean returns to his dorm, where his roommate has an email from a very hot woman who is interested in cellular biology. The roommate responds to her request using information about the aliens he found in Dean's things. The woman turns out to be another halfbreed, Amelia. She arrives shortly after and seduces the roommate before taking him hostage. She and Sara then force him to make the new species so they will have mates. Dean and a government agent crash the party and the roommate escapes with the harvested alien ovum. They are chased down to a large nuclear facility that Dean worked at. Amelia and Sara chase Dean to the reactor as it warms up. He drops the eggs in there and Sara turn on Amelia, sacrificing herself to save Dean, who escapes. Three weeks later, Dean's roommate goes back to Abbot's house only to find Sara and a young boy. He races to the lab where Dean tells him that he was able to grab Sara at the last moment and had created the boy so she wouldn't be alone. Later, after the boy had matured, he and Sara leave, going into the woods to escape detection. Dean then assures his roommate that the guy is sterile and they will not have any little alien children. The final shot shows the number 1903 on a train bridge.
The entire movie is just so drab. There isn't a ton of the violence, the aliens look to cheesy and they toned the sex and nudity WAY down. Sunny Mabrey is cold and emotionless as Sara but that is OK for the part. The rest of the characters are stereotypical and boring to the point that none merit any mention.
Basically, see it if you're a die-hard for the series or really curious. Otherwise, pass on it.
Species: The Awakening (2007)
This is what the second one should have been
Whenever a movie franchise reaches it's fourth entry, it is commonly seen as a red flag. This is especially true for the horror or sci-fi genres. When looking at the history of Species, it becomes very apparent as to why this is the norm. The sleeper hit that was the first one was followed by a horrendous excuse for a movie in part 2 and a ho hum, boring part 3. I am happy to report that "The Awakening" is easily the best sequel of the three.
The movie takes a completely different direction than it's predecessors while still focusing on the alien DNA message received from space. We first learn that college professor Miranda Hollander, while appearing to be a very beautiful woman, is in fact a hybrid that was created by her "uncle" Tom and his former student Forbes. Miranda had lived a normal human life until she is found one morning lying naked in the woods. She is taken to a hospital, where she soon transforms and slaughters the staff. Tom finds her unconscious and rushes her to Mexico to find Forbes, who may be able to cure her illness. They find Forbes in a small town and discover that he has been creating more hybrids that, like Miranda, appear completely normal (and are also sterile). Forbes, along with his alien play-toy Azura, inform Tom that Miranda is at the end of her life cycle and will die without a stem cell transfusion. Tom initially balks at the idea, as it will kill the cell "donor" but finally agrees when Miranda's condition worsens. The procedure appears to work, until Miranda awakens as a more sultry, vulgar version of herself. The procedure also undid her sterility and she begins looking for a mate. Tom knows he must stop her, but is torn due to feeling that she is almost his daughter. She succeeds in mating with Forbes, killing him after. But Tom again finds her unconscious shortly after, with the the baby already kicking inside her. Tom takes her back to the lab to discover that her human side is dying as the baby grows. Azura returns with the intent to kill Tom, only to end up fighting Miranda in alien form. She stabs Miranda twice through the stomach, killing her and the baby but Tom is able to kill Azura with a hydrochloric acid-laced shotgun shell. Tom watches Miranda pass away before turning on all the gas in the building and lighting a fire. He walks out as the entire building erupts into flames.
While this is in no way a masterpiece, the movie has the most feeling of any of the four. You actually feel for Miranda as she slowly wilts away before she is reborn as a sexy vixen. Helena Mattsson does a mighty fine job in the role and brings a dimension to one of the alien creatures that was only glimpsed when Michelle Willaims played the young Sil in the first film. Ben Cross's Tom, on the other hand, is always teetering between being a bit too over the top and too distraught. Some of his scenes make you want to laugh at the cheese but he is serviceable. Forbes, played by Dominic Keating, is your atypical movie asshole scientist that doesn't care about the mess he makes, as long as he comes out on top. And Marlena Favela as Azura is .... well... she's very hot. That's about it. Her few lines were often delivered very over the top, which can be entertaining. But as a hot alien chick, she works.
Some people have complained that a Species movie without Natasha Henstridge is just not right. However, this movie is easily better than the two previous installments. I would even go so far to say that it's in the same realm as the original, which is no small feat for a made-for-DVD sequel. And fortunately, they did not leave us with some stupid cliffhanger to set up a sequel. It was an open and shut case, which is probably what the first one should have been 12 years ago but I digress. While the budget for this movie was a fraction of 1 & 2, the settings are all very nice and the effects are pretty solid. The new look alien is quite welcome after the monstrosity that was Sarah's alien form in 3.
All in all, one of the better direct-to-DVD movies I've ever seen. It breathed some air into a way past dead franchise and even though it didn't bring it back from the dead, it was a great entry to the Speices mythos. 6/10