Reviews

EVIL NEVER DIES!!

WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS; THERE IS SIMPLY SO MUCH TO COVER. ROBERT AND HIS PALS CAN EVIDENTLY NOT REST WITHOUT BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS. THE INTRODUCTION OF KALASHNIKOV TO THE SERIES WAS A WELCOME ADDITION TO THE CREW FOR DIE HARD ROBERT FANS SUCH AS MYSELF (WHO HAVE READ ALL THE COMICS) HE IS SO COOL!! HE LITERALLY HAS GUNS FOR HANDS. WHEN I GROW UP I HOPE FOR GUNS FOR HANDS ALSO.

KULUSHNICKOF REALLY RENEWED MY BEAUTIFUL 14 YEAR OLD BOY (HE IS SUCH A TEENAGER UGH) DATHAN'S LOVE FOR THE ROBERTVERSE (RCU). FOR THE FIRST TIME WE SAT TO GETHER AS A FAMILY (DATHAN, AVERY, MYSELF AND MY DARLING WIFE OF 38 YEARS (MUHAMMAD)) TO ENJOY SOME QUALITY CINEMA.

YOU THOUGHT THAT THE NAZIS WANTED AMOS??? WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT THE RUSSIANS WILL DO TO GET THEIR GRUBBY COMMUNIST MITTS ON THAT BOOK.

MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE PART WAS THE ENDING. IT REALLY SET THE SCENE FOR ROBERT 6 (I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND THE FIRST THING I DO IS CHECK EVERY AVAILABLE NEWS OUTLET FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THE UPCOMING FILM) AND I WILL CERTAINLY BE GOING TO SEE IT WHENCE IT COMETH TO THE BIG SCREEN. THIS WOULD SURELY BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST BOX OFFICE HITS OF ALL TIME, SURPASSING SUCH INCONSEQUENTIAL AND TEDIOUS MEDIA SUCH AS BLACK PANDA: UGANDA FOREVER AND THE NEW AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER FILM (I DESPISE THE BLUE PEOPLE >:()!?

HOWEVER, ALL GOOD GOOD MUST COME WITH THE BAD. I MUST DEDICATE A PARAGRAPH OF MY REVIEW TO SPEAK ABOUT THE OMISSION OF HOLLYWOOD'S BIGGEST STUD (THANK YOU DATHAN) FUCHS. HE SURELY ONLY MISSED OUT ON BEING CAST BECAUSE DEREK NELSON (FUCHS'S ACTOR) HAD TOO HIGH OF A SALARY DEMAND. BUT, HIS ADDITION TO THIS FILM WOULD SURELY HAVE CREATED THE BEST FILM EVER TO BE CONCEIVED BY THE COLLECTIVE HUMAN MIND, AND, IN FACT, IT IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING HE WAS LEFT OUT: OTHER FILMS NEED TO ALSO MAKE MONEY AFTER ALL (LOL) (ALTHOUGH A CGI FUCHS WOULDNT HAVE GONE AMISS). WATCH OUT DWAYNE "THE STONE" JOHNSON - DEREK NELSON IS COMING FOR YOU (LOCK YOUR WINDOWS).

ALL IN ALL, ROBERT REBORN (2019) IS A COMPELLING WATCH FOR ALL CASUAL AND MORE SERIOUS FANS OF THE ROBERT FRANCHISE, AS VERY LITTLE PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OF THE ROBERTVERSE IS REQUIRED. IT TRULY WARMS THE HEART, AND BRINGS THE ENTIRE FAMILY (MY HUSBAND MOHAMMED) TOGETHER, BRINGING HOPE AND JOY TO THE WORLD, AKIN TO THAT OF SANTA CLAUS, OR THE PRINGLES MAN.

9/10 OVERALL, SIMPLY DUE TO LACK OF FUCHS

UNTIL NEXT TIME, MUHAMMAD AND JAQUAVIUS JACKHAMMER & FAMILY (JACKSONVILLE RESIDENTS)

#ROBERT SWEEP.

DEAR MR/MRS REDNECK GATOR,

I LOVE THIS FILM!

I PARTICULARLY ENJOYED THE PART WITH THE EPONYMOUS RAGIN CAJUN REDNECK GATORS!

I WATCH IT EVERY NIGHT WITH MY TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN - AVERY AND DATHAN (NAMED AFTER MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS) - AND MY LOVING HUSBAND OF 38 YEARS (JAQUAVIUS) WHO INTRODUCED ME TO THIS FILM ON OUR FIRST DATE (DRIVE-IN CINEMA IN FLORIDA BAYOU) (IT WAS GREAT) HE WAS SUCH A GENTLEMAN. FIRSTLY HE CAME TO MY HOUSE AND PICKED ME UP. HE WAS DRESSED SO NICELY HIS MOTHER WAS VERY PROUD. HE GOT ME FLOWERS (4 RED TULIPS, 3 PINK TULIPS, A LILY OF THE VALLEY (MY FAVOURITE) AND A VENUS FLY TRAP (FROM THE BAYOU)) WE DROVE TO THE CINEMA IN HIS 2004 TOYOTA COROLLA. WE THEN WATCHED THE FILM (NOW MY FAVOURITE) AND PASSIONATELY MADE OUT FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE RUN TIME. I MARRIED HIM AFTER HE GOT A TATTOO OF ME ON HIS BACK (JUST LIKE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER DATHAN (WHO MY GORGEOUS SON IS NAMED AFTER)).

I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED SUCH EMOTIONAL DISTRESS AS WHEN THE CHARACTERS (IN PARTICULAR SWAMPER PLAYED BY DANNY COSMO (WHAT A PERFORMANCE!)) DIED. THE PLOT TWISTS AND TURNS LIKE A RAGIN CAJUN REDNECK GATOR ON A ROUNDABOUT.

A TRULY CAPTIVATING TALE; 10/10

YOURS SINCERELY, MUHAMMAD AND JAQUAVIUS JACKHAMMER & FAMILY (JACKSONVILLE RESIDENTS)