snarko-2's Reviews

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

10/10

I hate British humor, and LOVE this film

27 January 2013

I am the furthest thing from an Anglofile there is. I cannot stand them. I hate the English, to my core, and think we separated with that nation for a REASON, with some exceptions (like Monty Python).

You CANNOT get me to watch "Are You Served" or half a dozen of other British things: I think they are Shiite.

Simon and Nick win my exception in this. I love them to the point, I've bought everything they've done afterwards.

IT'S GLORIOUS. AND FUNNY.

As a George Romero extra myself, they do gloriously. Fulci's? NICE! I HATE British humor, and LOVE this film, along with everything else Pegg and Nick do.

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Rammbock: Berlin Undead (2010)

I wish I were (un)dead

29 July 2011

I actually do zombie extra in movies with no credit (I'm formerly from Pittsburgh, and represent the George Romero team as a full-on fan of the genre), and these people are having way too much fun.

Way, way too much fun! Though as a... um... "professional zombie", no rule is broken, (a joke from one of my directors: "zombies do not RUN!!!" They don't) and if a zombie-fan, a total thrill-ride.

GREAT STORY!!! GREAT ENDING!!! Who cares the budget: no one can tell, cuz it's good. As philosophical as I expect from Germany, but without the total angst. Together, yet apart. Hopeful, and hopeless. God, it's just GOOD!!! I really wish I was an extra on this one. I'd die for it.

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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

Sheer Waste of Talent, and Time

29 July 2011

I realize this is probably supposed to be a kid's movie; that is no excuse. I liked Shrek (I bought it, despite it's lousy soundtrack); this became the sixth movie, EVER, I did not bother to complete (I'm 40). Neither did my husband: we were BORED TO DEATH by it.

I love most the actors/actresses: can you please give them a script?! I'm a former art director: the look fails to appeal. It's like my worst classmate way, way back in college trying to do "old-fashioned"; FAILS. It's not stylish nor gritty enough. It's not even eye-crack.

The music is half-saving every scene (it'd be worse without it), and half a mockery. Such orchestration when nothing is really happening is like a smack in the face.

It's like the worst FORMULA Disney film, ever, where the "comic relief" (like Flotsam and Jetsam) are just not funny. Or like dealing with Jar-Jar Binks in Star Wars.

It's SUPPOSED to be charming, and fails at it. ANNOYING.

It's crack for two-year-olds. Really. It's awful. Even most children have more intelligence than this movie. You're insulting them, too.

I feel particularly bad for Gwen: she does nothing but ride around in a backseat. If this was supposed to be old-school humor, it fails, too. It's not funny; it's pathetic.

Story: what story, except to get to the next badly-written scene, like a bad pop band that can't write lyrics that needs to get to the "hook"? Effects: lame. Acting: sub-par, but what can you do with such a bad script? Eye-candy: little.

What a WASTE of talent (these are great actors/actresses: USE THEM!) And my time. I'd demand my $3 back from the video store, if I were a jerk. But it was $3.

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The Island (2005)

Logan's Run on Pure Adrenaline

29 July 2011

Warning: Spoilers

Action. SciFi. Thriller. Well, that's putting it lightly now, isn't it.

My husband and I never heard of it, and picked it up because we liked the cast (McGregor, Johansson, Buscemi, Bean...). We were so glad that we did!

If you take Carousel (Logan's Run) and make it a lottery to The Island, make the truth about "the ideal world" inhabitants far more horrifying (they're clones "harvested" for their body parts: it's gruesome), and make the "run" itself so insanely action-packed you've little time to do anything but sit on the edge of your seat cheering for the heroes like the racehorse you just picked at 17-1...

...you now have this movie. I really couldn't help yelling, "Run, runner, run!" LOL!

Stylish, awesome effects, brilliant chase scenes and great acting all around. I wanna know more about HounSou now. I'm a chick so I often don't buy relationships written by men; I not only bought it, Ewan and Scarlett are HOT. I should mention, since a chick, that I don't have a "thing" for Ewan; just an overall fan.

He does a hilarious scene "fighting with himself". He even makes fun of his own Scottish accent: it's awesome. I love it when actors make fun of themselves in movies! I also like watching Sean Bean play "bad guy". He's so cold and calculating in this; I love to hate him. Please quit giving this man "pretty boy" roles.

The incubation scenes are almost as cold as Apple's "1984" commercial. Completely creepy.

I'm sorry I somehow missed this movie the first time around. It has everything I want in a sci-fi: a decent story, a lot of action, and some food for thought. I'll have to re-watch it tonight, as the action once they run is so fast and furious (but full contact), I know I missed a lot.

I do agree with others here: the ending is cheesy. But it also reminded me of the ending to Logan's Run; a homage?

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RoboGeisha (2009)

8/10

Cult Classic in Waiting

16 May 2011

Let me start I AM FEMALE: usually boys only like this type of flick, but if you're that chick (as I am), HOLY FUN FUN FUN!!!

What I signed up for, and GOT:

Awesome (and incredibly, um, "inventive") fighting, chicks who kick butt, lame Godzilla-type monsters you laugh at (the rubber-suit), good tension between woman relationships, and--I hate this watching some Japanese--no rape scenes. One scene kinda off a bit and hit a nerve, but not as bad as most. Most things a feminist (I am) would scream at are them making fun of their own culture, and a total HOOT!

And pink good pick: US would have done black... LA-aaaME!!!

If you're into this style of flick (it's a flick, not film: get over it), it's everything you want, nothing you don't!!! I sat with jaw dropped clear to ground on edge of seat for most the flick--I couldn't guess what was next, and it kept breaking my expectation for the ABSOLUTE ABSURD...

"I have one too!" Nearly missed this fabulous scene, laughing SO hard!

It's a Japanese future "Dead Alive": a worthy cult classic nomination. Why doesn't the Academy Awards do that category?

I work in progressive politics: the portrayal of the elders who fight for their children couldn't make me laugh harder. It's all teasing fun; it's all too true, thus genuinely FUNNY.

Two points off some scenes could have been better, and the near-rape. I hate that stuff.

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Centurion (2010)

2/10

Irredeemable

13 December 2010

My husband is taking it back to video store right now to ensure we get $1 credit, we both hated it so much. I've no idea why ANYONE raves about it.

I am a 38-year-old woman who, even if it's not "high cinema", thoroughly enjoys:

1. Fight scenes, choreography, and and kung-fu. 2. Hot chicks who kick butt. 3. Gory horror and effects, even if done B (Dead Alive and Rob Zombie faves for it). 4. Historic wars and battles. 5. Strong story, even if "dude perspective". I'm not a "chick flick" chick, unless particularly over-top. Like Ginger Snaps is best description of a mense cycle ever on film. 6. Documentaries.

I got NOTHING but the OCCASIONAL decent blood-squirt. This was supposed to be stupid fun on a cold night: I wasn't expecting much but a ride. But it delivered on NOTHING.

Story's not complicated enough. Main characters/clans are NOT developed into any sort of real motivation, other than kill or get killed (a base instinct)--it's less a "no one's evil" as in Princess Monoke (first that came to mind), and more I strictly don't care about them. Costumes lame, as an art director.

The fighting--I particularly want the fighting--I'm epileptic. It's nothing but shot-too-fast, jump-cut, no real contact bull with a a bit of nice guts thrown on top. But it's like butter thrown on cardboard: yeah, the butter's good.

I don't even care to look it up: chick only real fighter. Maybe she was trained, or maybe to make her look cooler they gave her two more frames per second than the men: rest is just speed-it-up crap.

I really don't even want to think about how to make a film this bad. Only not a 1/10 for decent (but not amazing) blood effects.

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After.Life (2009)

10/10

This review is crap

10 August 2010

Warning: Spoilers

I like horror. All of it. Everything from slasher to psycho.

Your squeamish girlfriend can watch this: nothing "happens". No gore, no action.

Pure psycho thriller.

Liam is amazing, as usual: THIS IS a thinking person's horror.

To point: it's about an undertaker who can see the dead among living. THAT'S actually spoiler. There is no way to review film without one.

Just watch it. Really. I personally HATE spoilers and can't write this.

Most refreshing, entertaining, horror script in a long time. Kudos to writers; kudos as well to Liam and Ricci for such horrid, well, WORK. I get bored "same-old"; you'll have none.

Best horror I watched this year. Hands-down.

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Mamma Mia! (2008)

9/10

Better than Showgirls!

28 June 2010

My mother-in-law bought me this movie this past Christmas. I only opened it last night, because I generally hate her taste (I'm closer to "films" rather than "movies", else kung-fu if I want it "dumb fun"), though Abba fan for similar reasons to this review. I get made fun of at painting sessions for it, but I get the best art off Abba.

Happily surprised; the DORK in me LOVED it! I don't care half of them can't sing or dance; more like watching your best friends (since all-star cast) in karaoke. Absolutely FUN.

15 minutes in, nearly shut it off (mostly my pre-conceived "I'm going to hate this"). Glad I waited. Delicious! I gave three standing-Os in my own living room for how train-wreck but awesome at same time some of the numbers were.

I'm not a Meryl Street worshiper (always LIKE her), but she won me over, completely. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I love it when she does "comedy", and wish Hollywood let her do more. She's deep, charming, silly, absolutely mesmerizing, and does carry the movie. Her supporting cast is excellent and just as fun to watch.

Point off for not letting the worst singers sing. I was annoyed by dub/dub-over; I'd rather they just trash the song, but still their own voices. And off for what my husband also called "the Duran Duran pier scene"; would have been more ridiculously awful and funny with no view jumps, just standing and walk off.

Otherwise, just beat Showgirls for my new all-time trash-movie love. Kinda like The Eye (Hong Kong ONLY) beating the Shining for me in category horror.

LOVED IT.

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Ginger Snaps (2000)

9/10

Comedy/Tragedy No one Can Borrow

11 December 2009

I have BOUGHT this film 4 times; no one is allowed to borrow it anymore. Along with Dead Alive (Peter Jackson--6 times), it doesn't come back.

Even though it starts with a high school scenario, this is one of the best black comedies I've ever seen.

I hated the sequel, for the record, and it's more easily available and why I defend my copy of this.

Should you be female: this is the funniest but true description of a period you've ever heard.

And should you be male, the red-head (Ginger) is hot.

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Devilman (2004)

8/10

Epileptic and Art Director Joy-Ride

11 December 2009

Warning: Spoilers

Okay, mdjoot, I bite: it's camp. I loved nearly every second of it, with exception of the CGI graphics. I'm kinda under impression it's this bad to reflect some video game they were trying to or did put out, or something.

I never read the books.

Japanese almost famous for giving their youth seizures from screwed-up videos: if you happen to be epileptic (which I am) there are two movies at the same time, and it's a roller-coaster joy-ride. You WENT there?! And didn't kill me.. it's AWESOME FUN!!! SPOILS: There are hidden frames dropped one-per-60-to-85 whole way through. Epileptics still register them.

The Hieronymus Bosch naked-pile-on representation of the Twin Towers nearly made me weep and holy sumi-e: art director, remember. GORGEOUS.

"Live" fight scenes awesome but the CGI ones lack.

Also, English version doesn't bother to translate main character asking for marriage to a severed head?

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The Fifth Element (1997)

10/10

Simply Gorgeous, Entertaining

8 September 2009

"A movie only an art director would love" is how I'm teased for this. I openly and unregretably love this movie.

To the point if I ever bear a female child, her name is Leeloo Dallas (Multipass) Egnot: I'm seriously married to an Egnot. Should that be twins (it's totally possible given my family record), the second is Milla Jo.

I love this movie that much. The names to me mean "Love".

"So good to hear from you, Egnot." How did you come up with that?! I'm married to the LAST MALE I know of with the name?! As an artist, the sets are done by an artist I respect, the costumes by a designer I respect, the acting nothing but people I respect.

This is a GEEK love, which is hard to come by. I appreciate a bone once a while. Dorks unite!

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Braindead (1992)

10/10

Best Black Comedy to Date

8 September 2009

The only movie I've purchased NINE TIMES. It goes out on loan, and never comes back. No one is ever allowed to borrow without ransom anymore.

I think it holds World Record for most-blood-a-minute on film? Someone back that? I'm also a HUGE puppet fan: when I heard "Meet the Feebles" and "Dead Alive" guy got the job for LOTR, even though HUGE Jackson fan, I was like, "WTF. Don't screw it up." I love Tolkien. He didn't, IMHO.

A MUST WATCH, even for reference if you don't get what I just said.

SO BLACK in humor, I've only watched part of it ONCE. I leave the room when I see custards, and don't return until I hear, "Your mother ate my dog!!!" I can deal with gross, but not in-the-mouth gross (I'm epileptic and it triggers my gag-reflex way too hard). But it's funny as hell if you can watch it. The pearl is an oyster of laughter.

Why in the world is a main character Latina, but her grandparents Eastern-European? Oh, and I've used that tarot deck (I read): as someone who has, the scene cannot be funnier.

You'll never, ever get a good reading.

Funniest, yuckiest, best-filmed movie I've ever watched.

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The Eye (2002)

10/10

Best Horror/Thriller EVER

8 September 2009

Editor note: my computer is old, and I cannot hit the "contains spoiler" button; I'll have to leave out some of why I LOVE LOVE LOVE this film.

Replaced The Shining as best horror I've ever seen. I bought it cuz I rented it too much.

I've never seen a movie break viewer sense of space/time/expectation so often. Even owning it and watching it a million times, I cannot watch two scenes without screaming bloody murder.

Premise genius: you don't even recognize your own reflection? Bonuses to horror fans:

1. Tribute to Hitchcock ending. But then, it doesn't end.

2. Every common nightmare you actually have in real life, hit, HARD.

3. No truly happy ending.

I just can't explain my two favorite scenes well, as they're spoilers and I can't hit that button.

1. Best break-of-space EVER.

2. Best real-time horror EVER.

If you have a better one, I WANT TO KNOW.

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The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

9/10

Haunted House Joyride

8 September 2009

I watch horror films regularly, act in them locally (I'm everyone's favorite zombie to deal with on set--a "zombie leader", which is just funny), grew up in Pittsburgh (littered with both haunted houses and Romero), and both I and my hubby (same background, and also a "professional zombie") loved this film.

I should also mention I'm an art director. I used to get teased by my editor, "That's a film only an art director would love", which is often true. But if you get a single actual scream out of me (which this film did for what I call "breaking expectation of space"... no movie does this more than the original The Eye, Hong Kong, 10/10), you win in my book.

Characters are "archetypes" but not in a annoying way. The whole story is, but it's a lot of fun. I knocked it to a 9 for the already-mentioned alcoholic-outta-nowhere bit. What was up with that?! Had nothing to do with anything at all; it doesn't further the story.

I'm not going to over-analyze the "it's true" part at all nor compare it to Amityville: if you take the film for what it is, it's simply a highly-entertaining ghost-story joyride.

I defend this film on its own merits: good acting (not their fault if the script sucks and they did admirably with it), fantastic horror eye-candy, genuine scream, and a few more surprises.

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