Galop_Inferno's Reviews

Mean Girls (2024)

7/10

12 January 2024

Warning: Spoilers

For starters, I'm a longtime fan of the 2004 movie. It was a significant part of my preteen/teen years. Easily one of my all-time favorite films. The Broadway musical, which I got to see last year, I also love. If a movie I love can be expanded on by songs and I don't hate it, that's an accomplishment.

I was brimming with hype as soon as I learned a movie musical was in the works. I saw it tonight... and I didn't love it. Now, it's not bad by means. I just felt deflated by the end of the first act. I knew the changes were coming, and I was ready. The new song "What Ifs" felt too much like a Disney musical opening song, in line with how underwhelmed I was with "Welcome to Rosas" in Wish.

"Where Do You Belong" could've been a perfect intro to the cafeteria scene. Jaquel Spivey and Auli'i Cravalho would definitely nail it. A lot of dialogue is nearly word for word of the original, and lack the bite they had 20 years ago. Reneé Rapp slays as Regina, easily the best performance. "Meet the Plastics" was so whittled down without Gretchen and Karen's verses. I also wasn't feeling any chemistry between Cady and Aaron. Angourie Rice seemed like she was just along for the ride (I loved her in The Nice Guys) and Christopher Briney is cute but he lacked the charm for me.

Bebe Wood and Avantika's portrayals of Gretchen and Karen, granted their characters are Regina's lackeys, have some of that vibe. "What's Wrong with Me" felt what it should be but "Sexy" came out of nowhere, like they're ticking boxes for giving everyone a spotlight. Maybe it's the whole overt social media presence. "Someone Gets Hurt" is where my attention began to come back, and "Revenge Party", which is my favorite song, is an absolute delight.

It seems that the most cut songs lies in the second half; as Damian's showstopping Act II opener "Stop" got the axe, Jaquel Spivey got Cady's verses on "Apex Predator". In the production I saw, the reprise of "What's Wrong with Me" swung right outta nowhere, and "Fearless" could've been this epic number after 'you can't sit with us!' With roughly 45 minutes remaining, the plot just forced ahead to Regina getting plowed by a bus and the Burn Book leak. "World Burn" is Regina peak, and it is glorious.

Around the time "I'd Rather Be Me" comes on, there's a few neat tidbits that stand out, like Ms. Norbury and Mr. Duvall being in a relationship, one of the trust fall apologies being a girl apologizing to her friend for accusing her of dragging during one of the songs (and Ms. Norbury casually waving it off), and when Cady is recruited into the Mathletes, a brief exchange about 'making "squills" happen' comes right out of the stage show. "Do This Thing", performed during the competition, was cut, with a "Stupid with Love" reprise in its place. The Spring Fling scene puts a smile on my face, but "I See Stars" also falls victim to being shortened, and sung by another character (making for a nice brick joke).

It's not perfect, nor is it bad. It's just fine. Honestly, I guess that's all I can really ask for. It could've been complete garbage. I'm glad it wasn't, and now my friends will be happy because I'm not harping on about it anymore. 7.5/10.

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I'm Not Ashamed (2016)

1/10

The 13 Reasons Why of Christian cinema

28 April 2023

If it weren't Pure Flix, using a natural tragedy for clout or leading us into thinking Rachel was shot due to her faith (she happened to be the first person they saw), I might actually rate this higher but I can't in all good consciousness. I'm waiting for these fools to clout chase 9/11. They'd do it. I just want to know how many characters outside of the victims were created by the FOUR sick writers. They should be beaten with an oar.

For what little it's worth, the acting is good but everything else - the writing, direction, cinematography and awful "uplifting" soundtrack - is so laughable, it can't be taken seriously. The title card gave me 13 Reasons Why vibes, and ultimately the whole thing reeks of that show.

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80 for Brady (2023)

6/10

Cute but ultimately passable time waster

3 February 2023

Seen via advance screening on January 18, 2023. Tomlin is the film's rock, and Fonda, Moreno and Field are absolutely delightful. Fortunately, their natural chemistry keeps this weird and quite frankly unnecessary 65+ comedy afloat. One can figure that being a producer will fill Brady's pockets after the NFL, especially with vanity projects such as this to stroke his ego. Truthfully, it's better that than his quote-unquote acting, which a lack of would spare everyone. By the way, not every semi interesting true story needs a movie. Otherwise, there would be a lot more random nonsense out there.

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Daniel's Gotta Die (2022)

8/10

Streaming suitable indie comedy thriller

1 December 2022

Originally reviewed: 9/24/2021 (test screening). Daniel's Gotta Die premiered at the Austin Film Festival in October 2022; therefore, it should be open for reviews.

Following the death of his father, Daniel is named sole inheritor of the enormously wealthy Powell family estate. However, for a share, his estranged siblings - deadpan Mia, "influencer" Jessica and addict Victor - must endure a family bonding weekend at their Cayman Islands beach house. Daniel's ecstatic at the potential for a union, but the siblings only have one thing on their mind: murder.

The seventh feature from Canadian filmmaker Jeremy LaLonde, Daniel's Gotta Die is a quirky little indie black comedy with strong work from its diverse cast. Joel David Moore brings his endearing nice guy image to a role that will soon dive into a sinister and chilling performance. Mary Lynn Rajskub plays stone-faced and cold well but it's when she breaks, it's both funny and unsettling. Iggy Pop, in his limited screentime, brings to life a man who knows the fruit of his loins aren't up to scratch.

With vibes of mainstream dark comedies Game Night, Knives Out and Ready or Not, Daniel's Gotta Die is the kind of movie - while very entertaining - that's perhaps best saved for streaming.

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After (I) (2019)

2/10

I don't know why I subject myself to these

9 September 2022

Based on the (disturbingly) popular Wattpad story of the same name by Anna Todd, After is the result of One Direction fanfiction gone wrong. How this received enough of a following to warrant a $14 million film adaptation is beyond me. There are so many screenwriters with high quality work but are rejected in order to please horny preteens. That, friends, is where Hollywood done messed up.

Tessa Young has always been pressured to be the perfect daughter by her mother, and when she gets to college, she meets bad boy Hardin Scott and becomes frustratingly infatuated with him while still with her high school senior boyfriend Noah. Following the generic approach, Noah discovers Tessa's infidelity and breaks things off, leaving her able to pursue the moody, emotionally constipated Hardin.

The rest of the so-called plot falls more in line with 50 Shades of Grey with some Cruel Intentions mixed in than anything else. For what little it's worth, the actors do a fine enough job with what they're given. Josephine Langford is a lot like her elder sister Katherine (Hannah Baker) but more apathetic. Hero Fiennes Tiffin (nephew of Voldemort), perhaps because of his aforementioned emotionally clogged leading man, makes the viewer, or at the very least me, feel gross. Fortunately, the two leads are roughly the same age.

The music is as basic to any mediocre teen romance flick, but this time, there's a bland cover of Avril Lavigne's unforgettable "Complicated". It's well-made, although it doesn't deserve it. Everyone involved deserves better. Maybe not the writer or director though.

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Morbius (2022)

4/10

Bad but not utter garbage

20 April 2022

We all know the strange, pathetic tale of the Morbius movie by now so I won't reiterate but from the mind of someone who works at a movie theater and therefore has had no escape from the ads: it's not complete garbage. I know coming from a guy who's seen nearly 5k movies and has an incredibly strange take on things that statement may be a surprise but let me break it down.

The opening and end credits aesthetic is great and I love its neon-y vibe. However, it's not enough to save the rest of the mid-2000s Marvel Studios feel, like I'm watching the 2005 Fantastic Four again... or the Silver Surfer movie... or Fant4stic.

The past few years has given everyone a chance to realize where they stand between Jared Leto as an actor. There are those who will support him to the end of time, and there are sane people. His infamous approach of "method acting" has been a hot topic, from sending his co-stars dead things on Suicide Squad to (and this is just my assumption) peeing on everything to mark his territory on House of Gucci. On Morbius, it's been revealed that he walked with crutches everywhere and held up everyone's time. Even as someone who calls themself an actor, I gotta say, that's a pretty trash thing to do.

As Morbius is set in the same universe as the Venom movies, the width of said universe is still a mystery. Here, we discover that the X-Men are a thing, as Jared Harris (as Morbius' childhood caretaker) says that he could send the kid to a "gifted school upstate" after mini Morb fixes an expensive machine with a ballpoint pen.

Having seen a number of Leto's films over the years (10, to be exact), I can't help but wonder what his "method" was for each role. If he really did go live on the streets and get addicted to drugs for Requiem for a Dream, then at least the CGI for his super soldier chest is good. As for the vamp face (which looks straight out of season 1 Buffy), that chunk of budget must've been part of Leto's salary.

Matt Smith is Milo, Morb's "brother", brother in quotes as they grew up in the same hospital, and, once he's stolen Morb's cure for their unspecified missing DNA disease, he becomes a scenery scarfing fairy who dances more randomly yet less cringefully than Spider-Man 3.

The writing leaves A LOT to be desired but this is to be expected from the scribes of The Lost Witch Hunter and Gods of Egypt. Director Daniel Espinosa, I've only seen Life and that was fine if not forgettable. Morbius feels less like a contemporary Marvel movie and more as if it were made in 2006, got stuck in a time capsule and was unearthed in 2019 to try to touch up before releasing it to the masses after No Way Home. Is it bad? Yes. Is it fun to riff? Oh, most definitely.

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Gone with the Wind (1939)

10/10

A beautifully crafted if still troubling masterpiece

2 February 2022

My history with Gone with the Wind is strange. I first saw it in my junior year of high school and was blown away by its technical achievements. Yes, even af 16, I recognized that Scarlett and Rhett's relationship is toxic as hell but there was so much else about the film that thrilled me: the production design, the costumes, Max Steiner's score...

Every few months, I would beg my English Lit teacher to watch GWTW, and my classmates hated me for it. As one can tell, I wasn't exactly popular. Soon enough, I knew the lines and said teacher and I would banter in that manner. Since then, I've watched it every few years or so. 2014 was the first time in theaters, for its 75th anniversary. 2019-20 had a local theater take part in annual screenings, with 2022 being the fourth time.

Being easily the youngest person in the cinema, in not just this situation, is normal for me. I appreciate a wider range of filmmaking that most in my age group don't. That's not me being a snob but how often do you see someone under 30 going out of their way for the four hours. If I were like them, I'd be watching Spider-Man: No Way Home six more times.

Scarlett O'Hara is an interesting character. She begins a selfish, spoiled trollop who manipulates the affections of the simple men around her but as the plot progresses, she matures into someone practical and devoted to survival.

In regards to the fantastical depiction of slavery, assuming anyone knows how all slaves were treated by their owners. Having watched Goodbye Uncle Tom last month, a much more disturbing and brutal view, perhaps some weren't browbeaten.

Find me another film of the era that shows a realistic aftermath of war. In such a way that now, 83 years later, is impossible to recreate. Look past the time in which it was made, the backwards views of its creators, Gone with the Wind is still something to behold today.

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Beyond and Back (1978)

4/10

Sunn Classic is at it again!

16 December 2021

I've been on a tear of these pseudoscience "documentaries" as of late, and while some of them are outrageous but still entertaining, most are downright dumb.

And I believe all right. I believe this is a massive load. While not as painfully Christian as, say, anything by the likes of Pure Flix/Pinnacle Peak, Beyond and Back is really quite entertaining in its overacted, extremely riffable VHS quality that I'm watching on YouTube.

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Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin) (1971)

2/10

Oh dear...

13 December 2021

It's an incredibly low bar but Santa's Christmas Elf (subtitle pointless) is slightly more competently made than, say, anything at Pirates World (not possessive, just the world of more than one pirate). The story starts off cute but quickly overstays its existence, often going on with one plot thread after another much longer than necessary (looking at you, model plane).

Within, every "oriental" home has a gong, Santa needs a visa to come to the United States from the North Pole, creeps on children at a local park and gets noticed by a cop. 1970 or not, Barry Mahon's legacy is right up there with David DeCoteau.

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West Side Story (2021)

10/10

A beautifully crafted adaptation

13 December 2021

I'm starting my review early because I want to express some pre-watch thoughts. When the project was first announced, I was, like everyone else, skeptical of a new adaptation of such a well-known musical. Ansel Elgort sells me. I hear Rachel Zegler is extraordinary. They worked Rita Moreno in. It's got a killer supporting cast of stage actors. I consider Spielberg one of contemporary cinema's finest.

Movie musicals have been mostly hit this year so far, and I've gone out of my way to see the majority at the cinema. Annette, In the Heights, tick, tick... BOOM!, Encanto and Cyrano, simply exceptional. Everybody's Talking About Jamie was good. I even found enjoyment in the largely despised Cinderella. Of the ones I saw on a big screen, the only miss was Dear Evan Hansen. No songs, good or bad, can save that toxic, sociopathic plot.

Perhaps the best way to go about this review having now seen it is a breakdown by changes, performance and musical number. Pulitzer winner and Spielberg collaborator Tony Kushner wrote the screenplay and in doing so made some alterations to the 1957 libretto by Arthur Laurents, who would go on to work with Sondheim on later projects.

I've always been a fan of Ansel Elgort, all the way back to his supporting role in the 2013 remake of Carrie. He has this natural charm that makes whatever character he's playing like he's not acting at all. The fact that this 27 year old is supposed to be 17-18 works because of his young looks. This incarnation of Tony is on parole following a year in state prison for nearly killing a rival gang member. He's on a redemptive path, challenged by his best friend/spiritual brother Riff and the old Jet lifestyle.

Mike Faist shows true star power in Riff, the leader of the Jets. A cocky, arrogant lad used to his path down the road of destructive behavior, he's the yin to Tony's yang. The rest of the Jets are a playful but when necessary serious bunch, my standouts being Patrick Higgins (Baby John) and the non-binary Iris Menas as Anybodys, a character previously portrayed as a tomboy but here as a transman.

Rachel Zegler is the real powerhouse in the film. This being her film acting debut is truly extraordinary. She encapsulates the seeming naïvete and true awareness in María. Her voice is off the charts. Like it's mind blowing. She can only go up from here. Anything else would be an insult.

Stage veteran Ariana DeBose takes on the role Rita Moreno played in the 1961 film, Anita, big sister of sorts to María and girlfriend of Bernardo. Any iteration of Anita requires a certain degree of poisonous wit and deeply hidden insecurity. She's my pick for any Best Supporting Actress award.

Spielberg has always wanted to do a musical. How it took this long is a mystery but he's done it and it's one of the most glorious movie musicals in a really long time. The way each song is shot is something to behold. Longtime collaborator and two-time Oscar winner Janusz Kaminski has that eye no one could possibly mirror. My favorite song from the musical, "America", is also my top choreographed number here. It's neck in neck with "Dance at the Gym".

West Side Story is easily one of the best films of the year, and very high on my personal top 10. Its 156 minute runtime barely felt like two hours. The pace is so remarkable and there's never a dull moment. If there's one thing to experience in a cinema this holiday season, especially if you're not a comic book person like myself, make it Spielberg's West Side Story. One of his best.

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Antim: The Final Truth (2021)

5/10

Not the worst thing I've endured on Thanksgiving

26 November 2021

Despite an always dedicated Salman Khan performance, occasionally amusing melodrama and some neatly stylized action sequences, this Indian Scarface long overstays its welcome with overreliance on slo-mo, choppy editing, misogynistic treatment of female characters and songwriting that tries too hard to be contemporary (the first musical number centers around attractive women seeking nothing more in life than social media fame).

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The Wizard (1989)

1/10

"Up up down down, felony child endangerment, B A."

19 November 2021

I'm not sure who at Universal greenlit this but someone should time travel back to 1988 and punch them in the throat. The Wizard is no more than a Nintendo commercial disguised as a coming-of-age road movie.

In Rain Man Junior, little Jimmy Woods, traumatized by the accidental drowning of his twin sister Jennifer, has become withdrawn and focused on going to California. His brother Corey worries while their father Sam and eldest brother Nick do nothing but argue.

Corey busts Jimmy out of the institution he's in to go on the lam. They meet a girl named Haley, who tells them about a gaming competition in Los Angeles. It's discovered that Jimmy's a... shall we say, wizard at arcade games.

Meanwhile, Sam and Nick take chase after the kids, as well as "child bounty hunter" Putnam, who looks like he should be on a certain registry to be kept away from children. The runaway trio tangle with truck drivers, bikers, delinquents, salesmen and Power Glove wielding snobs along the way.

I'm sure whoever grew up with this found it at the very least average (heaven help the people who love it) but the whole thing is just so unsettling, especially knowing that these kids' parents signed off on letting them be in this. At one point, to evade Putnam, Haley screams "He touched my breast!" Putnam is later seen on the phone with the line "She doesn't have any breasts." Everyone involved in this movie should be arrested.

Fortunately, the guys at RiffTrax have made life much easier by doing their hilarious commentary duty on this pile. Bless them.

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Cinderella (I) (2021)

7/10

Y'all need to chill

18 November 2021

I could very well have stayed home and watched it on Amazon Prime but I found a theater playing it and trekked 70 miles from home on public transit (about four hours) instead of conforming and watching Marvel's Street Fighter. Besides, a few weeks after this, I'd have watched Dear Evan Hansen at my local multiplex and this trip for Cinderella would still be preferable.

In this version of the Charles Perrault story, Ella is an orphan who dreams not of true love but to become a fashion designer. Check one for the girl who don't need no man. Unfortunately, in the ambiguously medieval times in which she lives, women doing business and anything frivolous is frowned upon.

Meanwhile, Crown Prince Robert is a lad of frivolity, leaving the role of ambitious ruler to his younger sister Gwen. But, like Ella, Gwen's many ideas for bettering the kingdom are shot down by King Rowan.

Kay Cannon (Pitch Perfect) has created a world where gender norms are defied and dreams take actual hard work to become reality. Camila Cabello shines in her acting debut, alongside fellow newcomer Nicholas Galitzine. Idina Menzel is perfect as the mean but deeply insecure stepmother, with the ever fabulous Billy Porter as the... well, Fabulous Godmuver in his one scene.

Cinderella is not without its flaws, some casting choices questionable, primarily the presence of one (always) large hammy James Corden, who you not only see but also hear (I made a fan edit that drastically reduced his presence). However, there are talent who were initially cast but were changed at the last minute, including John Mulaney and Missy Elliott. Both of their presences would be very welcome.

The film as a whole feels a lot like a big-budget second season episode of Glee, as it features a mix of covers and original compositions. The story opens with a nicely choreographed mash-up of Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation" and Des'ree's "You Gotta Be". Cabello co-writes the originals she performs, but Menzel steals the show twice, first with a delightfully boppy "Material Girl", then later on in the co-penned original "Dream Girl".

Overall, Cinderella is made for children and those who find enjoyment in movies that don't require deep thought. It's got some spotty adult humor but the kids won't notice, and it's a good time for the family.

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tick, tick... BOOM! (2021)

10/10

Never give up on your dreams

14 November 2021

First thought: If Steven Levenson adapts something that's not his work, everything's fine. If it is his, then we get trash like Dear Evan Hansen.

I had little knowledge of tick, tick... BOOM! Prior to the announcement of the film, save for it being a semi-autobiographical story about Rent writer/composer Jonathan Larson, and that Larson passed away just before Rent opened.

In early 1990 New York City, aspiring composer Jon is about to turn 30 and wants to be like his idol Stephen Sondheim, who opened his first musical, West Side Story (on which he wrote the lyrics) at 27. His girlfriend Susan needs him emotionally but Jon is too obsessed with the upcoming workshop for Superbia, which draws some bizarre accuracies to present day.

Outside, Jon, a bohemian, is losing friends rapidly to the HIV/AIDS pandemic, and his best friend/roommate Michael has abandoned his own showbiz dreams for a practical career in advertising. The narrative is framed around an in-universe production of the titular show, which was workshopped throughout the early 90s. From its transfer from stage to screen, it seems that the story can flourish visually, as the scene is not contained to a single stage.

Andrew Garfield gives his second bravura performance of 2021, although Jon is considerably more likable than evangelist Jim Bakker. Lin-Manuel Miranda's feature directorial debut shines with the help of an ensemble cast, including Alexandra Shipp, Robin de Jesùs, Vanessa Hudgens and Bradley Whitford.

This abundance of talent and balance of wit, emotion and self-awareness is enough to ensure repeat viewings to find the cameos during "Sunday".

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Dear Evan Hansen (2021)

3/10

Dear Evan Hansen...

26 September 2021

Warning: Spoilers

Today is going to be an amazing day and here's why: I'm going to tear your movie to shreds.

First off, I've not seen the stage production. I had a chance a few years ago but passed it up because I'd rather not pay $325 for increased anxiety in a crowded venue. I don't have social anxiety disorder (hah, acronyms are fun) but I do have anxiety and depression. I'm huge for controversial material but this one reads so sociopathic and manipulative.

When I first learned about this Tony-winning musical (which confirms that all awards are rigged), my first comparison was to Robin Williams' 2009 black dramedy World's Greatest Dad, as well as the 80s cult classic turned stage musical Heathers. While Heathers is undeniably problematic, it doesn't try to play for sympathy. It's satire and it knows that. When DEH premiered at Toronto in August and the reviews began pouring in, I realized I wasn't reading into it wrong. I was right.

Evan Hansen is an anxiety-ridden teenager (who looks at least 40, even though his actor is 28) whose therapist has assigned him to write daily letters to himself as a confidence booster. He lives with his single mom Heidi and his only friend is "family friend" Jared. One day, after typing out one of his letters in the school library, Evan is approached by Connor Murphy, an equally lonely classmate, who offers to sign the cast on Evan's arm, which he got from falling out of a tree.

However, Connor finds the letter and, upon seeing his sister Zoe's name (on whom Evan harbors a crush), leaves with it. A few days later, Evan is summoned to the principal's office, where he learns from Connor's parents that Connor took his life (method unspecified) and the letter was found in his pocket. Rather than honesty, Evan fabricates a story about how he and Connor were friends.

And thus the web of deceit begins. Join me now on a song by song breakdown (and what's in between):

Makeup really coated Ben Platt, huh?

-Waving Through a Window: The only song I can remember off the top of my head before the movie. HE'S A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL. Now is it just me or is BP hamming up the puberty voice break? I can't with him trying too hard.

Amandla Stenberg is a treasure and I'm so glad she's taking on these roles. And Evan has a gay best friend.

Let's throw a school shooter comment in here, huh? Kaitlyn Dever, bless you. You are fantastic.

Julianne Moore is mom and she's busy mom. She's amazing.

AMY ADAMS.

I know you're awkward but ffs.

Oh hey, we made fun of Connor a few days ago and now we're sad and we'll take selfies in front of his locker.

Maybe it's the grief but there's still something to be said for lying to people who are hurting.

-For Forever: AGAIN WITH THE VOICE BREAK AND I JUST CAN'T. How can you BS this easily in song?

-Sincerely, Me: This reminds me of "The Me Inside of Me" from Heathers but Connor wasn't a bad person, at least not Heather Chandler bad. Mighty upbeat for such manipulation. Colton Ryan is wicked talented. Guess it's really something since Colton was Ben's understudy onstage.

-Requiem: Kaitlyn's got pipes! And she seems to be the only sane person in her family. We all know Amy can sing, and Danny Pino.

So Evan can tell his mom the truth but he can't with Connor's family. Ffs, what. But busy mom is trying.

Alana is a neat character. I like her.

Busy mom is busy. But hey, I guess I'll chill with the mourning.

So part of Evan's issues are disappeared dad.

Evan has snark when he's comfortable with Zoe.

Dude's a stalker.

-If I Could Tell Her: Just when I thought there might be hope for the voice, nope, there it is. The double meaning with this song, it's a mix of manipulative and creepy.

Never mind about only sane woman. She's into Evan. And with busy mom, Evan be like "adopt me, please".

Wow, Alana is doing what the movie's trying to do, cause the movie's doing a terrible job of portraying mental health. And now let's make each other feel better by swapping notes on meds.

-The Anonymous Ones: The first original song, co-written by Amandla, this one is by far the best part. She feels the most relatable.

All of a sudden, the Murphys are Jewish. Just mention bar mitzvah.

So much pouting on Evan's part.

Evan's practically telling his tree climbing story through Connor.

I hate the social media age.

-You Will Be Found: The show's "Defying Gravity", and now they're trying too damn hard to make the audience cry. The song gives a good message, if only it weren't utilized in such a terrible plot. HIS BEST FRIEND DIED... YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE DID NEXT! Did the movie call on fans to send in their testimonies? This is so messed.

Oh my Gods, stop name dropping product placement. Also, y'know that song Larry has about breaking in a glove? Nope. Gone.

Ooh, now Mom is getting lied to. Or more lies. So Evan has lied to just about everyone. And the only person with the truth is Jared.

Zoe comes over... wants to see Evan's room. Where do we think this is going? Zoe takes off her jacket and sits on his bed. If Evan were to be adopted by the Murphys, he'd be into his sister.

-Only Us: She actually likes Evan for him, not his BS. I guess that puts her back on the sanity wagon. I don't know how many times I've rolled my eyes in the past 85 minutes. Doesn't it now make casting a problem if BP is gay and Evan's into Zoe? Oh, a romantic montage. Evan's putting Zoe first and to hell with everyone else.

Mom's at the Murphys. Someone please bust Evan.

Name-drop Napa. WHERE THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE SET!?!

Let's make poor mom look dumb now.

Connor's scholarship money goes to Evan. And poor mom says no. Good for her! Poor mom is the best.

There was a song here, and Evan needs a serious beating.

The Connor Project needs $25k. Why not just get it from the Murphys.

Evan's gotten cocky, and Alana's calling him out.

Alana has officially joined the bad side but at least she has guilt.

-The Anonymous Ones (Reprise): Still the best. And Alana's posted the letter on Instagram.

So Connor wrote a suicide note to Evan and not his family? Oof. People commenting that the Murphys are horrible and neglectful.

Time to fess up, you jerk. You've destroyed this family.

-Words Fail: Words wouldn't have failed you an hour and a half ago? There's nothing you can say (or sing) to make up for how awful you are. Quit while you're ahead. It's like all that makeup is preventing BP from crying. The Murphys won't come forward to protect Evan, in fear of him doing something stupid. This character is the absolute worst. It's supposed to be emotional but all his emoting is hilarious. And the high notes are so cringe.

Poor mom still best character. The tree was Evan trying to kill himself.

-So Big/So Small: What is it with these tragic and/or horrible protagonists and the moment they face reality, there's a duet with the single parent. But Julianne Moore gets to sing! Finally. YOU SCORED ONE, MOVIE, YOU GOT ME.

Evan uses Instagram Live to confess. If Instagram has a stake in this movie somehow.

-A Little Closer: The other new song; I guess since he basically got away with it onstage, Evan's now trying to get to know Connor through his favorite books and reaching out to people who knew him. From someone Connor was in treatment with, he receives a video of Connor's songwriting, mentioned earlier on. He shares it with the Murphys, Jared and Alana.

The Connor Project reached its goal and they've used the money to reopen an orchid the Murphys frequented. Zoe comes to meet Evan there. They get to talking and SHE FORGIVES HIS TREACHEROUS SELF.

-Finale: Evan vows to be honest, and I DON'T BELIEVE HIM.

Now lay off with the scenic shot and end!

I love musicals and I've made pilgrimages to see 2021's movie musicals in theaters. In the Heights, seven times. Annette, twice. Everybody's Talking About Jamie, twice (once on a Jumbotron). Cinderella, once (due of the distance to the closest cinema). I fully intend to see tick, tick... BOOM!, West Side Story and Cyrano on a big screen with a great sound system. Theatres in my area weren't open when Sia's dangerously offensive travesty Music came out.

The trailer dropped on my birthday and links showered my inbox: "You love musicals, you'll love this!" I managed to avoid it (which wasn't easy given how often I saw In the Heights) until about a month later in front of The Sparks Brothers.

I'm a fan of Ben, all the way back to Pitch Perfect nine years ago (I'm absolutely guilty of writing Benji x Jesse), and he originated this role onstage. That's fine. I don't care about the casting since everyone else seems to think that's the only factor wrong. Maybe he was given a higher chance of being cast as his father, renowned film and theatre producer Marc Platt, was involved. They could've cast some tone deaf newcomer.

Then there's the ensemble, filled with incredible talent. Julianne Moore as Evan's mom, Kaitlyn Dever (24) as Evan's crush, Amy Adams and Danny Pino as Evan's wannabe adopted parents, Nik Dodani (27) and Colton Ryan (26) as Evan's family friend and so-called "best friend", Amandla Stenberg (22) as expanded upon character Alana. Excellent performances across the board but MVP is Moore. So Big/So Small successfully hit me like a truck.

What perhaps saddens me most is the film is directed by Stephen Chbosky, who has previous excellent experience with coming-of-age stories, having adapted his own novel, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, to celluloid. It seems that the creative decisions weren't on his end, as, with other stage to screen adaptations this year, the film is penned by the show's author, in this case Steven Levenson. It seems that this is Levenson's first released screenplay, with tick, tick... BOOM! Out in November and a new version of Fiddler on the Roof sometime in the future.

Overall, I feel emotionally manipulated but I was given good acting and average songs, but "The Anonymous Ones" is (chef's kiss).

Insincerely, Me.

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PAW Patrol: The Movie (2021)

7/10

As a childless adult who loves animation

21 August 2021

First off, I have never seen PAW Patrol prior to this movie. I know what it is and children having something to entertain them isn't wrong, by all means one that promotes friendship, family and all those good values, especially in comparison to the content on Disney and Cartoon Network. The film is in no short supply.

10 year old Ryder and his team of rescue pups are summoned to the nearby Adventure City by adoring fan Liberty, as the Patrol's arch-nemesis Humdinger has become mayor. The large ham villain steals a weather device to control rain and shine, and it's up to the squad to put a stop to it. But Chase, the police pup, has a bad past there.

I'm going out on a limb here that, because it's for the big screen, the animation quality is better than the series. The voice acting is top notch, save for a (probably) three-minute cameo by Kim Kardashian, whose role as a stuffy poodle serves no use whatsoever other than being the royal pain we all know her as. Of the more profile names, I'd single out Yara Shahidi and Jimmy Kimmel; Yara as a young scientist whose scientific jargon flies over almost everyone's heads, and Jimmy as the aptly named reporter Marty Muckraker.

One thing I couldn't get out of mind is the thought that Canada is mocking the US, in that Humdinger is such an unabashed expy of a certain reality TV host and "businessman", adults will see it from the get-go. There's also a self-awareness that the franchise exists to sell toys, and I'm sure Spin Master has already made all the toys they can. I mean, with all these Transformer-style vehicles, the merch better hold up.

Being a first-time viewer, I had random questions, including the location of Ryder's parents, the fact that he can drive, where did all these other dogs come from, who would allow a man like Humdinger to run for- no, wait, we know the answer to that. Kids won't notice these nitpicks, and I guess it's what works.

Overall, from the eyes of a casual, uninitiated viewer, PAW Patrol: The Movie is a fun time passer for the kiddos, and the parents will find something to chuckle at as well.

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Everybody's Talking About Jamie (2021)

8/10

"A boy in a dress is someone to be laughed at, but a drag queen is someone to be feared."

13 August 2021

Based on the West End musical of the same name, itself adapted from the BBC Three documentary Jamie: Drag Queen at 16, Everybody's Talking About Jamie is the latest jump from stage to screen. Produced in cooperation with the stage production's creative team, the film introduces the extraordinary Max Harwood as the titular Sheffield teen who battles prejudice to find his identity.

Jamie New is your average 16-year-old boy. He goes to high school, has to pass maths, spends time with his best friend... oh, and he enjoys crossdressing. His mother is the most supportive parent any gay kid could ask for but his father has given up on him completely. Mum can't bear to break her son's heart and covers for the neglect.

In his search for his drag persona, Jamie meets drag shop owner Hugo (the always fabulous Richard E. Grant), who once housed warrior queen Loco Chanelle in her blood red dress. Hugo takes Jamie under his frock to help this insecure lad unleash his inner divinity.

The film makes it clear from the get-go that the viewer is getting a musical, with the disclaimer: "This story really happened... and then we added the singing and dancing." Jonathan Butterell, of the original production, makes his feature film directorial debut here, with a screenplay by Tom MacRae from his own book. In the vein of other stage-to-screen adaptations this year, I've come to the conclusion that anything cut was done for good reason. It's noticeable here as a chunk of the original score is absent.

Harwood is a force not to be reckoned with in his very first role. A young star with the heart and the humor to embody such a complex but relatable character. His co-stars are no less talented. Lauren Patel plays Pritti, a studious young woman with a biting wit and all the best friend qualities a gay kid needs. Sharon Horgan really struts her stuff as the practical Year 11 instructor Miss Hedge. And while I'll sing the praises of Richard E. Grant until the end of time, the MVP goes to Sarah Lancashire, who, as Jamie's mother Margaret, has such raw emotional depth that'll bring tears, see "He's My Boy".

However, the film is not without its issues. While Jamie is a genuine delight, one can't shake the feeling that the filmmakers played this daring story too safe. There are points where provocativity could be more... well, provocative, but it's overshadowed by a constant fairy tale light, as if protecting the audience from the realities that come with seeking one's identity via crossdressing. This imbalance of reality vs fantasy causes an uneven tone.

Is it perfect? No. Is it a delight? Oh, most definitely. Sometimes that's all you need. I showered praise on Jamie at its Frameline premiere, but a rewatch in its limited theatrical release made me realize (likely thanks to the absence of a cheering crowd) the nitpicks. I think I wanted so badly to love it three months prior to official release, but it's still a fun little movie that should provide a bright light for everyone... at least until they get emotionally manipulated by Dear Evan Hansen.

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The Mitchells vs. the Machines (2021)

10/10

Sony Pictures Animation made something original and good?

4 August 2021

I remember seeing trailers for this when it was called Connected, and I dismissed it as another subpar movie from Sony Pictures Animation. Then the pandemic hit and Netflix picked up distribution rights, and the reviews started dropping, with astoundingly high praise. I had to check it out.

Katie Mitchell (Abbi Jacobson) is a college-bound filmmaker whose father Rick (Danny McBride) is the last person to understand the world through her eyes. In a last-minute attempt to reconnect, Rick cancels her flight from Michigan to California, and proposes that the family take a road trip to drop Katie off. Along for the ride are doting mom Linda (Maya Rudolph), dinosaur obsessed younger brother Aaron (Mike Rianda) and family pug Monchi (Doug the Pug).

Meanwhile, in Silicon Valley, tech giant Mark Bowman (Eric André) has released a monumental update in his PAL virtual assistance program (a cross between Apple and Google), but has disposed of his own device (Olivia Colman), which goes rogue and unleashes a robot uprising.

Right from the opening logos, one knows they're in for a treat. While it does hit some familiar beats, The Mitchells vs the Machines is filled to the brim with a fully utilized ensemble voice cast, film references, self-awareness, laugh out loud humor, heartwarming moments and even one of the best (and subtle because y'know those uppity conservatives out there) acknowledgements in an animated film of an LGBT relationship.

If this is the kind of original content SPA is going to dole out, please keep on. We so desperately need it.

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Music (I) (2021)

1/10

Sia, who hurt you?

4 August 2021

What caused Sia to create this unholy abomination that calls itself a musical? She must've watched one CNN documentary about autism and thought "I can profit off that!"

Maddie Ziegler fills the title role, a low functioning autistic teenager, whose grandmother abruptly dies and her selfish junkie half-sister Kate Hudson must come to terms with reality to care for her. She's aided by Leslie Odom Jr. In the horrifically outdated Magical N---- trope.

The cast is loaded with legitimately talented players, from Hudson and Odom Jr. To Juliette Lewis and Kathy Najimy. Ben Schwartz has a minor role as a flamboyant drug dealer, and Sia herself steps out from behind the camera to appear as a druggie pop star.

However, their presence does not make up for the careless writing, production values and overall cringy vibes. There's also a Billy Elliot B-plot that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. It ends in tragedy but why the hell do we care? Remove it, it makes no difference on the final product but it could be roughly 20 minutes shorter.

Even half a star is too generous for a music video compilation that apparently needed to shoehorn in a foolhardy attempt at understanding a real disability. Y'know, Sia, maybe you're just a bad director.

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Mandibles (2020)

10/10

Another cult classic to be from Dupieux

25 July 2021

From the French filmmaker behind a sentient tire with telekinetic abilities comes two idiots finding a giant fly. Manu and Jean-Gab are a couple of good-natured but dimwitted buddies who, while on a delivery mission, discover, well, an enormous fly in the trunk of a stolen car.

Deciding to tame "her" in order to make a profit, the guys endure a series of misfortunes that ultimately brings them to the home of Cécile, who's on summer break with her brother Serge and friends Sandrine and Agnès. To say any more would be a spoiler.

The only ensemble member I recognize is Adèle Exarchopolous, of Blue Is the Warmest Colour, here she gives a performance I was not expecting but, oh my, it was bizarre. Director Quentin Dupieux has amassed a career of surreal but delightful comedies, the sole I've seen being the aforementioned Rubber. By that alone, I knew going in, I was getting a memorable experience. And I did.

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Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)

5/10

Amazing? No. A good time? Yes.

23 July 2021

A lot of reviews seem to take issue with A New Legacy not being "like the original" (and perhaps LeBron James rightfully insulting a certain so-called "politician"). I may not be blinded by nostalgia but let's be real, Space Jam isn't, well, the classic everyone thinks it is. I'm a 90s kid and I didn't think much of it then either. Trailers for the sequel played in front of nearly everything I saw the past couple months, and I've just about had it. Until I actually saw it. By no means is this a masterpiece but it sure is a lot of fun.

The script - by six credited writers (four of whom receive story credit) - isn't winning any awards anytime soon (except maybe a Razzie), but the hackneyed cliches and tropes can be easily overlooked by a quality performance by LeBron James, his acting chops previously seen in 2015's Trainwreck, and Don Cheadle, who clearly knows what he's working with and spares no time in hamming it up far past eleven. The only real nitpick I have cast-wise is Zendaya as Lola Bunny. Now I'm a "Zswagger", having enjoyed her past work (Euphoria, The Greatest Showman and the Marvel Cinematic Universe), but the in-jokes at the previous, albeit standalone, film would have fared more comfortably with Kath Soucie.

James plays a fictionalized version of himself, father of three, his youngest son Dom is a tech prodigy who doesn't want to follow in Dad's footsteps. While at Warner Bros. Studios, Dom is lured into the "Serververse" by rogue artificial intelligence Al-G-Rhythm (get it?), who wagers LeBron to a basketball game wherein his and Dom's freedom depends on winning. Upon being thrown through virtual space to Tune World, LeBron, now in 2D animation (hopefully, we'll get more of that in the near future), meets Bugs Bunny and learns that the other Tunes have been exploring other realities, persuaded by Al-G.

Up to this point, it was all merely self-aware. Here, it takes being a WB product and kicking it right in the "balls". The realities are other assorted Warner-owned properties, including but not limited to, DC Comics, Harry Potter, Animaniacs, Hanna-Barbera, The Wizard of Oz and a number of considerably more adult-oriented franchises, i.e. Game of Thrones, RoboCop, Mad Max, The Matrix, Austin Powers, and Rick and Morty. But the barrage of cameos doesn't stop there; a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shows Bugs transforming into Internet meme Big Chungus, and at the big game, Beetlejuice, The Mask, the Gremlins, Pennywise, the Droogs from the ultraviolent Kubrick thriller A Clockwork Orange and (this still baffles me) Sister Jeanne of Ken Russell's highly controversial (and WB's equivalent of how Disney feels about Song of the South) The Devils. Her appearance is far more frequent and leaves one to wonder if the studio plans to acknowledge the film in any capacity anytime soon.

In the long run, Space Jam: A New Legacy, while not necessarily good, is regardless entertaining. It's like Ready Player One or any given MCU movie: don't expect anything substantial, just go with it and have fun pointing out the Easter eggs. 2.5/5.

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Absolute Proof (2021)

1/10

Absolute Crap

17 April 2021

Hot off my review of Roe v. Wade, I'm throwing away another couple hours of my boring existence on trashy "cinema", this time listening to "businessman" Mike Lindell and his unfounded claims (although he'll tell you otherwise) about the 2020 election. Featuring "interviews" with other politicians as deluded as him, it's an exact 120 minutes of BS, and not just that, but it's so ludicrous it could qualify for funniest "movie" of 2021.

I know where I stand, and while my view on the state of the country may not be the best, it's the lesser of two evils. Lindell spends these "interviews" talking over the other person, constantly reiterating to the viewer whatever was just said, like a chatty parrot.

How anyone with common sense can believe any of this is beyond me. Lindell is not only an incompetent "businessman" but also a really bad actor. His attempts to come off as shocked at the testimonies are downright hilarious. Every time he goes "Wow!" could be a drinking game that sends its player to the grave. The interviewes at the very least seem genuinely brainwashed.

The editing changes scenes mid-sentence, the "score" is cheap if not FREE public domain music, it will endlessly remind you Mike Lindell is Mike Lindell and that you're watching Absolute Proof. Even if you happen to believe Lindell's nonsense, the final product would be better suited to the title Absolute Crap.

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Roe v. Wade (2019)

1/10

Lies, more lies and nothing but lies

16 April 2021

I'm actually quite surprised this wasn't the doing of Pure Flix or a similar company. Nick Loeb may as well be the new Fred Phelps the way he's brainwashing the easily manipulated.

The entire narrative is built on not just outright lies but also by an array of has-been talent who clearly needed money. You don't need to even be well-versed in the decision to know when the movie's spewing nonsense.

In a similar manner to last year's Never Rarely Sometimes Always (except that film is extraordinary, Roe v. Wade is extraordinarily bad), it's inspired me to give back... to Planned Parenthood.

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Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway (2021)

4/10

Better than the first

31 March 2021

Beatrix Potter's Peter Rabbit books are childhood nostalgia for generations of children, myself included. When the 2018 live-action/CGI film happened, many were less than pleased. I'm not a purist but nonetheless found it off-putting and annoying (my trip to the theater was brought on by my desire to see if the allergy controversy was true; it was). But the movie made bank and a sequel was announced. I'd seen the trailer many times at the cinema and was growing increasingly irritated with it.

Some time after the events of its predecessor, Bea and Thomas are wed, and Bea receives a publishing offer from a major company. But the publisher's ideas include painting Peter as a "bad seed", which Peter himself doesn't take too kindly to. While roaming London, he encounters Barnabas, a rabbit who claims to have known Peter's late father, and Peter becomes involved in a citywide criminal ring.

A lot of what made this sequel better than the first is the frequent fourth wall leaning, lampshading, humor and performances. The story is as predictable as can be, slapstick cartoon violence abound, and there are many spots where the scene seems shoehorned in in order to pad the 83-minute runtime (not counting credits). Rose Byrne and Domhnall Gleeson are as pleasant as ever, with the ensemble voice cast a delight, even James Corden, who I normally have limited patience for. If you're looking for passable family fun, Peter Rabbit 2 is your best go right now. 2.5/5.

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Ainbo (2021)

8/10

Familiar but fun family fare

24 March 2021

I caught a test screening of Ainbo in December (the only "test" being a moment of incomplete CGI towards the end), and, while it won't get the attention of kids due to the likelihood of no wide release, it'll probably drop on Netflix.

It's been a few months but I remember a good amount of it, in that while the first act comes off as a near plagiarism of much more well-known Disney films, namely Moana, Frozen and The Lion King, the plot takes its own turn in the second half and stands as more than above average. Its animation quality as well is on par with Disney.

Give it a look when it comes out. It may seem tedious at first but Ainbo is a worthy entry into international animation. 8/10.

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