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The Empty Man (2020)
Broadly stroked reviews are for those who have difficulty expressing themselves, written for people who have ...........
That said, this movie really su**ed. It was bad too. The first 15 minutes do take you to an interesting place-- to take a nap. I highly doubt the cast knew what the hell this movie was about. I contend that you could've juggled most of the scenes, and all the positive reviews here would read the same way . It's a date movie. Upon exiting the theater, the guy spider tries to explain to his ********......... ahh I'm sorry ..........
Absolutely very horrible. When a director is this self-indulgent , he should get into politics.
Congo (1995)
To overthink this movie gets one nowhere.
Congo reminds me very much lake Placid. It serves up a generous portion of belly laughs. And why not. The talent at hand is willing and capably. And the fact that the flick does not take itself too seriously, is a relief for all concerned. Same as in Lake Placid, which is funnier and peppered with more belly laughs than Congo. The movie's got a quick pace that I found to be "just right" with all players having purpose and the main players risking plenty. If, after 30 minutes, you're looking for something more than silly fun, you're a dope. If you're looking for lots of fun, sit back and smile. I loved it.
The Day (2011)
The cast scores- Ashley rings the bell
How do you play a tough, well-meaning, young, good gal when the world is at the precipice? Well, maybe it is not all that hard. Ashley Bell did it superbly and the cast, each one with their own conflict/score to settle did so beautifully. The viewer has to follow the reasonably credible strategies and forego the sizzling romances that you would expect this movie to burden you with. Plenty of mistrust within the good guy clan, all while the bad guys are preparing to do bad things. You can't help rooting hard for some people. I was involved the entire movie.
Marriage Story (2019)
Again?! Hollywood continues to pepper material like a self absorbed alien entity.
For decades, i've been disappointed with the amount of movies about making movies and directing movies starring in movies and the life of the stars. Or being the soundman during the production and witnessing a murder, then a rape, then a nuclear bomb hidden in the clown suit. Why not how this happened to a couple of people like you and me, in the environment of one or both of their workplaces. I don't review movies, but this was flawfilled. I found the people acting in ways that might happen in Hollywood, but not with any people I would want to hang out with. (Well, I'd hang out with Scarlet on the set of "Kung Fu Swamp Beast". I understand that divorces are frequently much worse than one might of expected This divorce was clearly the Hollywood type. The kind wher one lands a hit TV show...Right at the same time that her partner is asked to direct his wonderful play on Broadway. Did that many people really fantasize about their lives being like these guys lives. I see nothing else that could account for the high rating
Monos (2019)
Let's review the reviewers
Did you ever read a review and get the feeling that the reviewer is writing the review under the assumption that the review and reviewer will be reviewed? That's how many of the 'Monos' reviews read. The New York Times got this one right are. It was impossible to understand the movie in real time. Even when a few pieces, of action were glued together, the very serious, dark messages were weakly served. Patience and concentration we're not rewarded. If you wanna look very smart, watch the movie, or don't even, and write a puzzling, convoluted review of what might have happened in "Lord of the Flies" if Piggy had an automatic weapon!
A Quiet Place (2018)
Gag me with a Dog whistle!
When watching a 'monster movie,' I'm prepared to watch the characters IQ float up and down 50 points over and over. Just forgive stupidity and move on. But conveniently overlook the laws of physics when 'necessary'? Maybe if Abbott and Costello were starring. But if this were a sci-fi flick with two comedians or four no name actors, fighting the toothy monsters without concerning themselves with the laws of physics and nature, people would be real quiet about admitting they went to see this piece of tasty garbage. With the typical horror film cast, this movie scores a 5.2. The movie is amateur hour at the sy-fy corral, and will a forgotten about by the masses jiffy time.
Quiz Show (1994)
By all means, do not leave this line alone
Herb Stemple (played by John Tutoro--damn near perfectly) is confronted by a reporter shortly after pretty guy Charles Van Doren pours his heart out to some bullshit gov't committee The reporter asks Stempel to take a photo with Ralph Fiennes (Van Doren) Stempel then says to the reporter, right outside the hearing "You know what the problem with you bums is? You never leave a guy alone unless you're leaving him alone. "" It's a clever Yogi-ism. I saw, along with less than 5% of the moviegoers, director Robert Redford, leaving the viewer practically zero latitude as to the important statement the movie made. Like Elia Kazan's "Gemtleman's Agreement" Redford howls of man's inability to not only do the right thing, but man's ability to cherry pic when his brief irruption of acute imbeclitis renders him unable to even see what clearly is the right thing or glaringly moral path. So then, my new favorite quote for now is, YOU NEVER LEAVE A GUY ALONE, UNLESS YOU'RE LEAVING HIM ALONE. Ain't it da truth?
Don't Blink (2014)
Pathetic
There was some good acting. It was of no help. The people who scored above a 4 or maybe 5 are proclaiming to the world that it is their extraordinarily keen sensitivity, and their ability to focus and submerge themselves into the story, thus being able to appreciate the frightening journey the players are experiencing. Forget why there's a 200 mile paved road leading to one structure. I wonder who delivers gas? Oh that's right, the poetic license afforded a "pseudo-fantasy, not slasher but still peppered with bonafid hotties" flick covers, eh, everything. I read a bunch of messages , reviews and sin-opsisis, so as not to make an ass of myself today, again, and nobody has anything intelligent to say about this movie, except the plethora of victims who said it sucked. Nobody figured out a thing. That's not good. It's bad.
The Babadook (2014)
I don't know how anybody can write a spoiler if the story is uninterpretable.
Uninterpretable I say. What is that supposed to mean. Not interpretable silly. I read about 25 reviews and I feel better that after watching this BABADOOK (A BAD BOOK) twice, I do not know what the heck is going on. No conviction in any of the ideas offered. So then, after reading a few synopsi, a bunch of reviews, watching it 1.8 times, replaying seemingly crucial scenes so as to be sure I'm not missing a key moment, and thinking out loud with my 22 year old boy, I challenge any and all who scored above 740 on their English SAT score to give it a try and report back here,,,,,. please. Or if somebody a spotted a review with spoilers that makes sense, give me a holler. I enjoyed the anticipation, of which there was plenty.
American Sniper (2014)
A movie only a sucker could love
Shows the inner workings of a killer. How wonderful it is to learn and be entertained simultaneously. Coming to terms. Reconciling what is indefensible. It takes a powerful mind to do so, and a sharp mind to understand. So tell the ten stupidest people you know to grab a fifth of whatever and go watch some fine shootin'. The Hollywood connections have done some fine work on spreading some kind of gobbledegook about how this movie tears 4 or 5 layers off of Cooper and we get a front row seat to how the gears inside the shooting magician turn. Only a fool buys that crap. We see a soap opera love affair with all the trimmings. This movie is made possible by a recalibration of the Lowest Common Denominator moving decidedly downward.
Scary Movie 5 (2013)
The reviewers need to reboot.
I read many of the 'hate' reviews, some from the 'prolific or prominent or prophylactic' reviewers. Let's understand something immediately. If anybody begins a review with "Scary Movie #5 had not ONE funny moment in it", that reviewer is lazy at best and at worst, a liar. Then, other reviewers spend better than 2/3rds of its review discussing the plot and why it may be flawed. Then they score it a one.
This movie is very funny. This movie is often clever. Tisdale and Rex execute clever stuff beautifully. No doubt in my mind they will live up to good scripts and make bad scripts watchable,,--- No doubt.
Do not press the play button with an edgy mood that fosters political correctness and inappropriate expectations, (whatever inappropriate expectations may be) or innovative genius. Expect a funny movie and damn the high brows, and me too if you like.
The Way Way Back (2013)
Would you know a diamond if you held it in your hand?
Did you ever fall in love with somebody without knowing that you were falling in love with that person? You never, ever considered the possibility until you were already in love. Weather you realize it or not, you will fall in love with this movie if you watch it a couple o' three times. Jim Rash and Nat Faxon helped co-write "The Descendants". While it would be vicious to say Clooney is simply "Da Emperor's New Clothes", this movie outdoes "The Descendants", from every angle. Ask 500 forty-fifty year old New England women, after viewing each flick once, which is better. 480+ women will say "The Descendants", IMHO.
Sam Rockwell is stupendous. Is stupendous even still a word? He rises above a cast of masters and that ain't EZ.
This movie does what Adam Sandler made 100 million dollars trying to do, but never came close to what this movie successfully did.
A family movie for decades to come. There, I said it .
A Serious Man (2009)
A serious litmus test
If a reviewer shoots down this movie, that person is unqualified to be a movie critic. Should I mention that's my opinion? I'm unsure it's necessary. If a person hates this movies, said person may have valid reasons. A person over 25 has maybe one or two possible reasons This is a very smart movie, that also happens to be very funny. Will Jews laugh more? All other things being equal, yes. A lot more? No. Everyone knows the main characters, Jews might have spent more time, close time, with the main characters. The fact is people expect a whodoneit. They want answers and closure and nothing could be less important as far as this movie is concerned. This is life. Life has no closure. Experience is factored in and the person moves on. And this serious man is more frustrated because of what he learned 10 minutes ago. It's absolutely brilliant. And that's NOT an opinion.
Owning Mahowny (2003)
Why am I not surprised
The reason movie lovers trust Hoffman is because he's never fumbled. He's simply as dependable as one can reasonably hope. He's great in Owning Mahowny, which I consider astounding, even to Hoffman fanatics.
Considering the tripe he's handicapped with the man's magic turned lemons into lemonade. John Hurt and Minnie Driver were unable to sweeten the lemons. It proves they're human.
I've often wondered why gambling consultants are not used with a movie such as this. If a brain surgeon used a Cutco bread knife to open a skull, wouldn't the scene be wrecked for 99%+ of the audience. Maybe the producers are content to kiss off the gambling public and stick with the LCD formula. If you don't gamble, enjoy, If you do gamble, grab your clicker.
Centurion (2010)
Close to Gladiator?!!?
Put your books down children and pop some corn. I tend to get enough energy to write a review when I see on flagrant injustice. Ta daaaa. This movie is densely packed with eyeopeners and teeth grinders. Lead guy is a 9 1/2. Olga is a 9. The witch pulls the strings just right with lesser skills than those who surround her. The Picts left me wanting to know much, much more about a proud, tough psycho-culture. I would have loved another 10 minutes of a Pict bar-b-cue with the neighbors or of the neighbors. Maybe in Centurion 2.
This flick is fun fun fun. Very close to Gladiator (for me) There, I said it.
Hitman (2007)
This is a hit, man.
Not a simple plot first go-round. I think it's tough to piece together what's happening as it's happening. The second watch is more enjoyable, as the 'whys' are known and appreciated.
Timothy created a character, I thought, but no sequel emerged. The soft-spoken super cool Olyphant delivers the magic blend of cool, fear, confidence, and even delivers mechanically if it enhances the effect of the moment, which it does. The hot chick is involved in two very underrated movies. This and 'Centurion'.
It's like Jason Bourne, but it's not Jason but you will put it on pause if you need to go to the bathroom. Don't go into the movie snooty, prepare for some hi-jinx and enjoy.
Seabiscuit (2003)
Nothing forcefed here,,, nada
As far as horse stories go, it is spectacular. It's so wonderful to be let in on that information gently, matter of factly, as Biscuit's connections were. I know a bit about horses and 2 bits about gambling and I can tell you 9 out of 10 movies get the gaming end wrong and 7.5 out of 10 are unwatchable because of sloppy story telling. No problems here. I don't know how to review. Here's proof. I laughed, I cried!!
I know this was an extraordinarily beautiful movie. The 2nd time was better than the first. Get the family in the same room for a few hours, pop some LITE butter popcorn (the manufacturers seem to be having a greasy contest these days) and start rooting, for just about gosh darn everyone.
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
A superior litmus test.
This is a very funny as well as a very entertaining sashay in and out of the world of weird. If you're rigid with your own expectations, do yourself a favor and expect to to be generous with your poetic license chits. The movie jumps in and out (a lotta out) of the real world from start to finish, never getting comfortable for those predisposed to not get comfortable with stuff like this. The show comes off as so stupid that even when it's clever it still looks stupid. By the third watch, nothing about this movie is stupid. Most everything is funny by then. And so, the litmus test. If you meet someone, and there's a romantic spark, and that person 'admits' that they really like the movie, you've found your soul mate. And if you meet someone who says the movie was 'soo stupid', you've met ont of the soldiers tha comprise the 'masses'... OOOOhhh, I said it.
Little Fockers (2010)
I probably shouldn't take these things too seriously
All the junk that comes out of Hollywood has it's place. The junk-pile. Like lepers a thousand years ago, the pile is located a thousand miles away on an unchartered island. It's America's Darwinian approach to consecrate America's favorite art form, and it works well. Until it doesn't. Then things like "Little Fockers" happen.
You can't toss De Niro, Streisand, Hoffman on the junkpile like "Jason 37Q Meets Werewolf Without a Cause". When Hollywood royalty goes mad, you've either got to produce a credible and bizarre autopsy or you've got a crisis. Watching three living legends deliver comedy so bad that you'd swear it must have been intentional, is very uncomfortable.
Little Fockders is, to date, the poster child for the demise of Hollywood.
Inception (2010)
I don't get it
I may be able to count on one hand how many good to excellent movies I had zero questions about either during or after completion of the movie. Things do get by me and I try to get my answer from those who saw the flick with me, or online. Inception left me with one question. "Did you get it?"
I didn't get it and I've a high degree of confidence that those 100,453,830 people who 'got it', had 100,453,830 versions of 'gettin'. I've got 2 teenage kids and a 23 year old. My kids and every SINGLE one of their friends 'got it'. If you do not yet know where this review is going, you 'got it'. Nuff said. Pick up the emperor's clothes at the dry cleaners tomorrow. His majesty's clothes are ready and you "Inception" fans are ready for your close-up. ROLL 'EM!!!
Spiral (2007)
Do I not get it cause there's so little to be gotten or...
After reading many of Spiral's reviews, I had to leave one for the less hebetudinous. It was awkwardly contrived, not unlike Meet Joe Black and Eyes Wide Shut. Those films had the outrageous nerve of making us look at pretty people without dialogue for 10 second clips all movie long. This film serves up the same silent drivel with a face that's supposed to have the same effect as a motorcycle accident, but fails to make anyone I know care. Gorgeous girl is liberated, feeling safe in her own skin for the first time in, who cares.
It seems this move was made to be enjoyed by politically correct souls. Those who want to demonstrate to whoever how intuitive and sensitive they really are if one to peak under the garb one needs to wear in the biz world. I didn't get it, thank goodness.
Wonder Boys (2000)
worth three (3) watchings
Ah, Pittsboig?? By the end of Wonder Boys, a trip to Pittsburgh sounds, not so bad. Even the lousy weather makes one feel swell in this movie. Interesting and intelligent characters handling 'moments of truths'. Bonding with with wit, and a pinch of uncharacteristic selflessness.
It's an action movie for the mind and the acting is as real as the rain. Most impressive for me, is Toby. Often times I can't tell if a guy or gal had to work hard to play a role as well as it is played. I'd hate to think that McGuire handled the role easily. He's just too good.
My best guess is that 25-30 minutes into this movie, 80% to 90% of the viewers are 95% sure that they're stuck with an 'OK' movie. That's not OK. It's a Disney feel good movie for adults.