Reviews

Today I found myself in a dilemma. I was sitting at my computer, and House of Payne came on. But the remote was all the way over on the couch. I didn't want to get up, but there was no way I was going to watch House of Payne. Out of the question. So I picked myself up off my comfy computer chair and changed the channel. Why is this relevant? House of Payne is the type of show that can't be ignored, and I don't mean that in a good way. I can't sit here and go about my business when House of Payne is on, because as hard as I try to ignore it, the bad jokes and terrible acting always catch my attention.

There are so many things wrong with this show. I don't even need to get into detail about it, the other reviews do a fine job of that. One of the most laughable aspects of the show is that it is supposed to show African Americans in a positive light. So, the one caucasian character is a fat, bumbling idiot. I've no idea why Bart Hansard has continued to play such a pathetic and degrading character, this show does nothing to promote racial equality, and in fact it sets us back at least 10 years, if not more. Tyler Perry is the Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer of the Television industry, and that's saying a lot. Absolute garbage, and TBS should be shut down for acting like it has any sort of critical acclaim.

Ever watch a sparkler put on a fantastic show for 10 seconds only to see it fizzle away into an unimpressive glowing cinder on a charred metal stick for another 10 seconds? Yeah, that's Contact. That's the review, right there. There's not really anything else to say. I don't need to get into the details because that's all there is to say, really. Save for this next part:

On the subject of religion: This movie is 12 years old so it may have been more commonplace at the time; but even for the 90's it seemed like it put too much emphasis on it. The whole "religion and science can co-exist" theme the movie had going is entirely unrealistic and only serves to confuse the general public into thinking that reality is this great unknown where no one can tell whether Science or Religion is right. Religion and Science can't co-exist, because they directly contradict each other. The message this movie was unnecessary, and essentially ruined it for me.

And I believe Mr. Garrisson's opinion of the last bit of Contact says it best. I'll leave you to figure out what he said, I don't much care for spoiling it.

If I wanted to watch 95 minutes of loud noises, I would've went on youtube and watched one of those shock videos over and over again every 10 minutes. At least in the previous movie there was things going on. In this one, they were either sitting on their asses or slowly walking down a hallway, pausing, and getting attacked by a zombie. Seriously, there could've been less of this. Would it've killed them to actually show the zombie sneaking up before them? Or growling a bit before they screeched at the top of their lungs? I sat by a damn speaker, for crying out loud.

I mean yeah, it's nice to have a loud, shocking noise every once in a while but this movie relied on it. I couldn't count the amount of these. Someone could die of a heart attack watching this. I'm fifteen and my heart is still beating fast. What happens when a 60 year old has a heart attack? Then they have a lawsuit on their hands. This movie was horrible, and it just goes to show that loud noises don't make a zombie movie good- the actions of the characters and zombies do. By the way, here's a heads up: Don't get excited about seeing huge crowds of zombies.

I'm a big Kevin James fan. No matter what he does he makes me laugh. But I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry was an exception. I felt there was too many "pro-gay" moments, scenes which make the homophobics look like stupid redneck christians, everyone eventually accepting gays, gay pride etc. I went to the theatre to laugh, not have pro-gay propaganda shoved down my throat. I'm not homophobic, but there was too much of it in this movie.

Also, remember the "are you and dad homosexicles?" line? Guess what: They removed it, and a lot of other scenes to get the film a pg13 rating. A movie about two straight gay men getting married to receive domestic partnership benefits is pretty much the same as finding nemo in a child's mind, but throw in dirty language or references to sex and their little minds are scrambled.

This is a horrible movie, and the only funny parts are the Asian guy and the maxi-pads part. There was too much of a "gays are people too, gays have just as much rights as you do, blah blah blah" mood, and it ruined the movie in my opinion. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GAY, DON'T SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT. Ugh, I wasted my money.