Reviews

The extrusion of Doggy Poo from the dog's anus tied my stomach into knots, I was so awe stricken as Doggy Poo realized that it had a conscious. The knots in my stomach started to intensify and pang as the ox drawn cart threatened to flatten our hero and it's friend as they discussed their purposes in life. There are many similar incidents in this film that will make you wriggle in your seat, as Doggy Poo interacts with other characters to discuss the meaning of life.

Digesting this film might be difficult for children as the subject matter is indeed existential, and you may think it's too radical as the dialectical tendencies reduce the subject matter to it's most basic components. Luckily the film only clocks in at thirty-minuets, which is short enough to prevent the child audience from becoming too agitated.

I don't want to spoil the end of the film for you, but you will feel that a great weight has been expelled from you as our main character discovers their purpose in life. You may even feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the film.

This movie makes "Platoon" look like a troop full of Boy Scouts, and makes "Full Metal Jacket" look like a knitted cardigan. "Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes" makes the first Inglorious Bastards look totally irrelevant!

Featuring: Miles O'Keefe of Ator fame; Fred Williamson, and actual live combat footage!

Witness the story of Sgt. Darkin as he battles red-tape and the Viet Cong. When Senator Morris takes a tour of Vietnam on a boat, he asks Sgt. Darkin his opinion on the war; he tells the Senator right out his feelings of disillusionment, meanwhile the boat banks at a village of the most Hispanic-looking-Vietnamese-people-ever. The villagers greet the Senator and his guards with flag-waving, but they quickly throw their flags down and hold up machine guns. As Sgt. Darkin attempts to open fire, an explosion sends him flying into the ocean. After 6 hours, he's washed ashore and reports to his commanding officer, who sends him to the brig for treason and going AWOL. In the brig Darkin makes friends with the nastiest cut-throats known to men, among them Feather played by Fred Williamson. Just what obstacles will these friendships endure? Find out!

Veterans say the camera-work in this film looked just like what they saw in Vietnam: everything was so damned obfuscated around them that they couldn't see their fellow soldiers next to them!

You heard it here, go see "Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes" today!

Apparently a lot of people I know saw this when they were little kids, as well as I did. As a child this movie frightened me; I over-looked the shoddy costumes and acting. Also as a child you see this movie from Joshua's point of view and experience the terror of the goblins create because of their group-entity, and their powers of shape-shifting.

This film can't really be a child's horror movie in the tradition of "Troll"; as the movie runs-on the viewer looks through the eyes of teenagers and parents. However, teens and adults can't forgive the movie's acting, background music, dialog, costumes, and plot holes-- not to mention how this movie just makes up it's own logic as it goes along (Ex: Grandpa Seth being able to freeze time, yet he doesn't understand the layout of the house the Waites are staying in). What's an even greater indicator that this isn't just a child's horror film is the infamous pop-corn scene-- a Witch transforms herself into a vixen and seduces a teenage boy, whilst brandishing an ear of corn; which also goes back to my other point about how this movie makes up its own logic: the viewer sees that she is broadcast on television inside a teens RV, complete with hot jazz background music; she asserts from T.V. for the teen to come outside, as he does the audience cannot see a sound or camera crew. Simply put, she can broadcast her image off satellites, directly into a camper because she's "magic". This is also the very same reason why she and the teen are able to make the corn on the cob turn to popcorn by biting it!

Other logic I find confusing is when Joshua and the family are to destroy the goblins by just touching this foam Stonehenge (which supposedly the goblins draw their power from) this is because Joshua as explains that "only the power of goodness can destroy these monsters". So I guess I'm supposed to assume this "goodness" can be manifested from human beings which can radiate "goodness" from the very pores of their hands? Okay, that just doesn't work. Maybe little kids would forgive that, I dunno who else.

One of the major flaws in this film like other Joe D'Amato films, is that it doesn't know how to cater to a diverse audience. The positive side of this, is that people such as myself look back on viewing this movie, and remember how ridiculous it was, and decide to rent it fifteen-years later and die of laughter!

Viewers chastise this movie and say the special effects were terrible; AHAH-- little do they know that actual giant robotic creatures were constructed for this film! The Asylum actually hunted down Octopi and Sharks so as to stretch these creatures hides across their robotic creations!

The Asylum was so dedicated to capturing the organic essence of this movie that the footage of the scientists creating pheromones in the laboratory is for real! Yes, despite never having physical contact with such prehistoric creatures to allow extracting pheromones; Debbie Gibson and co. were so sincere they were able to synthesize the pheromones!

Movie renters say the acting was terrible. I digress, foolish souls; can't they see such emotion and passion when the Submarine Pilot man-handles the controls-- his clammy hand desperately gripped to the joystick like a fugitive on the run, hanging onto life by a thread of twine from a cliff; his eyes bugged out and unflinching towards the computer screen-- fully alert to receive any stampeding information; his teeth clenched tightly together, so as if someone were to flick a tooth of his, his mouth would explode and shrapnel of calcium would rain upon bystanders,and finally note the intensity displayed as he sits in his computer chair to manipulate the controls-- his buttocks clenched so as to pacify his bouts of his spastic bowel; this spastic state brought on by the sight of such humongous and malevolent beings, but he denies the fecal matter threatening to protrude from his colon out to the anal exterior, and so he doggedly contracts his sphincter and fights onward!

The camera crew are such teasers; what scoundrels they are to show only the tentacle of the Giant Octopus lay waste to an airplane! I felt the ridge of seat digging into my buttocks on that one! My, how after awhile into the film my lower body went numb, that I lost control of my bodily functions; luckily this left me with an excuse as to why I didn't get up to use the restroom, other than how I didn't want to miss the invasive action of this film! Oh so thrilling it was to see the straight on camera angle of the whales wound being gouged-free of the Mega-Shark's morbid Mega-Tooth! The camera team knew too well that if I were to see the whole whale in any of the shots it would irrevocably blow my mind into a parallel universe!

What an absolutely amazing film, not only would I buy a copy; I'd buy a copy every time I visit the Wal-Mart $5 movie bin!

You ingrates who mock this movie because it smacks of commercialism have forgotten what the 1980's meant to our country. We were at war with Russia, and we were demonstrating our might through space missions! As great Americans we stood by the Gipper, and we were strong! This movie metaphorically said that in every alien there is an American dying to get out, and how they would go to any length to be Americanized! The family of aliens at the beginning of the film were shown as pathetic creatures, on a barren planet, drinking brown goo out of the ground through straws. Through the grace of God they were brought to America, and their failing bodies were revitalized with Coca-Cola, and shown great American hospitality at a McDonalds Restaurant. Now I ask you what would have happened to this family if they ended up in Russia? They wouldn't have been able to benefit from the medicinal properties of Coca-Cola, and they would have died under a Communist Government! The cynical youth of today, who have no faith in a higher-power and trust in the ways of science say this movie is a blatant E.T. Ripoff. Lord have mercy on them for they know not what they do; for this film is about aliens who try at any length to become citizens of Gods Country: America, and finally succeed, as well as adopt American ways and customs! This film was so inspirational, that an other film walked in its foot-steps to demonstrate the greatness of our country: America-- this other film was called "Nukie".

I rented this film off of Netflix. I know I'd watch this movie again and again. This film as others have stated isn't for everyone, it's very low-budget; however for me it made it more honest through its grittiness. I couldn't take this film as seriously as it's about an impoverished character if it were done on a large budget, chocked full of stunt-work and explosions. To be fair I think they managed this production on such a budget quite well. Another thing you'd have to be into Reggae music, and know a few things about Jamaican or Caribbean Culture to appreciate it. Also, don't expect a really complex story-line. It's a typical plot about a character who faces struggles to try to make it in whatever they want to do.

Our Folk-Anti-Hero, Ivan (Jimmy Cliff) is believable as the naive country-boy-turned-sharp-rude-boy, who went to the city to get a shot in show-biz. He basically just wants to have control over his own destiny, but people stand in his way-- from an overbearing preacher, to omnipotent record producers, to gangsters demanding protection fees, to corrupt policemen wanting their cut.

As stated in other reviews, Ivan gets cheated on a record-deal, and is forced to sell ganja to survive (as no place will hire him, because they don't want to train workers), after awhile he gets sick of paying these protection fees to gangsters. So Jose the mob boss rats him out and sends cops after him; Ivan kills them, and he's ultimately left on the run. To stick his tongue out at the cops, he paints on the city walls messages such as "I was here". It's understandable why citizens would also paint all over the walls "I'm Everywhere" and harbor him, because they know whats up, and they are fed up. Meanwhile the record execs brush the dust off his record, to make some profits off of his "bad-ass" image and the public's sympathy for Ivan. The record execs tell the cops "before they kill him, get him into the recording studio first...". Though Ivan is heroic not with any collectivistic deeds, but as a symbol of standing-up for himself. By doing so he throws off the facade of the rulers of society and shows how dishonest they really are.

This movie asks a question: Who really has disregard for human-life; Ivan the cop-killer or the media making profits off of the carnage?

If you liked "Blood Freak", you definitely must see this. Though "Blood Freak" did have a storyline, this is pure poorly conceived Christian Fundamentalist propaganda delivered in shameless horror exploitation through the use of vignettes and highly unlikely scenarios.

The "film", or rather 52 minutes of disjointed segments of holy-debauchery is centered around Reverend Pirkle giving a sermon about the horrors of Communism invading the country. This man, can be seen on Youtube in "The Believer's Heaven" discussing the mathematical dimensions of heaven, "yet no mind can conceive of it's properties", while telling his heavenly flock "That everyone will own a mansion, and not have to pay for it". With IFTYWWHD, Rev. Pirkle states that his vignettes are based off true stories in Russia, Cuba and China. But, when one sees the bodies of murdered, bloody, Christian Children, plain as day laying about in the streets, it makes one wonder if these facts are a little stretched-out. Weren't Stalin and Mao a little more discrete about executing people?

As you've probably heard elsewhere, Pirkle tells his flock that the Communists can take over the country in less than fifteen-minutes, but God can defend the USA against Communism only if there is a huge revival, while at the same time he presents them with scenarios of Christians getting murdered because they refuse to give up the faith. Of course the Communists didn't invade, and he never really explained how God will defend the USA. In hindsight this looks like a fantasy dreamed up by boastful fundamentalists who like to imagine themselves being persecuted and tortured for keeping the faith-- how masochistic!

Keep a look out for the actors in the vignettes, you'll see the same faces in the congregation!

You must see this film, more hilarious than any Jack T. Chick tract!

I wouldn't recommend this movie for anyone, just avoid it. May this never be resurrected in an anthropological excavation-- another reason why it's a shame that it takes a thousand years for plastic and resin based garbage to decompose.

This movie is like listening to a drunken, ignorant, old man. At first it's rather funny because he can't make any sense, and the things he's saying are outlandish. However, within thirty-minuets, he circles in his logic and it gets rather tiresome. To top it off, he talks increasingly slower. Then, he contemplates his existence and can't make sense of it, he has a brain aneurysm and abruptly dies; sadly you don't care because he was a wife-beating, drunk.

When all is said and done, this movie is boring and irritating. You can see the same ending in one of the closing scenes in an older, much much more hilarious movie, "The Creeping Terror". Matter afact, see "The Creeping Terror" instead (that is if you find z-grade trash amusing)!

Don't waste your time if you want a space opera full of action, suspense, gore, and character development.

If anyone should see this, it's for those who like trashy, cult b-movies-- the reason is because of the total 180 degree turn of the plot.

As you watch it you its looks like every other 1980's low budget sci-fi, with the bad sets, acting, and plot. There's also a product placement, which makes me wonder if Coca-Cola knew that their logo was being used in the movie. You'll see cheesy stuff here and there-- it might make you chuckle.

At first its kinda funny how the characters have to crawl from room to room in the ship (there's lots of crawling), but after awhile it gets to be sort of annoying.

The plot isn't really eventful for most of the film, but when you get to the end credits, you get to see this movie as a whole, and this movie is just ridiculous!

For me, this movie stands out more than the rest of the 1980's space trash, but it's not epic badness like "Blood Freak", "Troll 2", or "Plan 9 From Outer Space".

The movie is full of ugly women who are supposed to be hot, and nudity scenes where there aren't any female full frontals, but hairy weasel man-ass. Some of the gore is okay; there's a few scenes where a dude or two suffers genital injuries during oral sex, but the camera cuts to the dudes facial expressions of pleasure then pain, and then the chick spitting blood. Also there's a scene where a characters head is decapitated by an electric drill.

The movie's about this wannabe satanist, who gives incantations to Satan while sitting at his bedside wearing his Def Leppard t-shirt, then dreams of this ugly chick who is supposed to be Satan incarnate, or a succubus. Later, this evil horse faced succubus crashes his girlfriend's-sister's lame sorority party of eight people. Most of the film the power is out.

Not in the least bit entertaining. Wash your dishes instead.

The VHS cover's a laugh though, it says that is was too gory for TV, that's why it went straight to video-- yeah, try to prop up that fragile ego of your's Mr. Filmmaker.

For me, this movie is kind of an inside joke for those who laughed their heads off at Troll 2. Most likely those who have seen Troll 2 will discover this later, and not the other way around.

Like Troll 2, there are tiny pauses throughout the movie where everyone just blankly stares at each other, also everyone seems like a real dullard and has a glazed-over expression. Ator is the biggest dullard of all-- oafish; with the face of Benny Hill; waxed-legs, and clad in leather short-shorts.

Other things about this movie include: the really cheaply made sets don't match the castle exteriors; the music goes from bad techno to 1970's Cop Drama theme; the plot is forgotten within twenty-five minuets of the movie; there isn't any fighting choreography-- it's "stab-stab, swing-swing, hope ya hit some thing", and this you will not believe: There aren't any horses in the movie and so to keep the pace THE ACTORS JOG THROUGH IT!

Finally, the icing on the cake-- after Joe D' Amato finished working on Troll 2, he decided to use three of the goblin costumes from that movie. If any of you who've seen said movie can recant that the goblins mouths were badly animated, and they couldn't say their two lines without struggling or that they could only eat the green-stuff by smearing it on their teeth-- well, D' Amato allowed the actor in the goblin costumes full dialogue!

I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone but those who like bad movies for laughs. The plot here isn't bad; the badness is the execution of the acting, and the script.

The unintentional comedy in this is provided mostly by Matthew-- especially the part where he has Vera tied down to a bed and he says "Betcha no one got you a steak before", while brandishing a raw steak in polystyrene. She tells him off, and he yells back still brandishing the pack of meat! Matthew is such a weird geek, that if they were to remake this movie, kept everything the same, but the main actor-- it would be a comedy, say Tom Green or Christopher Walken.

Come to think of it, it was pretty much "Freddy Got Fingered" goes to the grindhouse.

This is a children's movie, and there is just so much suffering within it!

The existence of this movie is centered entirely around one mistake: If Meeko never crashed to Earth there wouldn't even be a movie. It's incomprehensible how such a movie which is centered around one giant mistake has multiple mistakes running through it.

Nukie and Meeko are hideous space aliens, with sinus problems; they are two whiny, manic-depressive, creatures. They both look (and probably smell) like two deformed dwarfs who were dipped in a pool of excrement, and deep fried in a pressure cooker.

Because I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone but bad movie fans with high tolerance, or an adolescent whose stuck babysitting their younger sibling and looking for retribution, I will explicate the highlights of this movie.

As you have probably read about the plot elsewhere, Meeko and Nukie are flying around the universe; Meeko lands in Florida and abducted by not-NASA, and Nukie lands in South Africa. Nukie must try to find Meeko.

Throughout the movie Meeko is literally tortured by doctors, complete with probes in his abdomen. The plot in the first half the movie consists of Meeko SCREAMING back to Nukie for help, and replying to the doctors about how "Tranquilzers kill him". At one point Nukie is almost enjoying himself, when suddenly he's interrupted by his brothers howl " NUUUKIIIEEAAAAGGHHH!!!".

Nukie, throughout the movie says suicidal things such as: "I wish the Earth would shallow me up, I want to sleep" and " I hate this planet". There's a questionable scene where Nukie awakens by his brothers scream from a covered trench. Did Nukie dig himself a grave? His resurrection causes an earthquake.

Somehow a tribal Witch Doctor knows Nukie caused the earthquake. Nukie befriends a set of twins from the tribe. They tell him to go to the Witch Doctor to explain hes not a bad-god. Nukie gets the point across by breaking the tribes stuff and paralyzing people. The idiot angers the tribe into sending the twins out into the brush in a trial to see which one will live. Twins are bad luck or something for the tribe, plus the tribe saw them conversing with that hideous, fecal, bad-god, Nukie.

Nukie tries to console the twins through some out-of-sink dancing. The director and costume designer were complete morons to suggest such a midget could dance inside that suit, it's a wonder they could even move in that suit. The controls for the mouth didn't work, and the eyes blinked at separate times. Another thing, they tried to make Nukie look shorter by elongating the stomach over the thighs; he doesn't look shorter-- he looks like he's carrying a load in them pants!

Anyways, as the twins are stuck in the brush, one of them gets bitten by a snake, as Nukie runs to help, "The Corporal" fires tranquilizer darts into Nukies hollow crotch bump; thereby promptly rendering Nukie unconscious and causing one of the twins to shriek "You killed my friend!"

Towards the end-- in search for America, Nukie ends up going down two giant water falls, and yet some how manages to live-- he should have died, really he should have, why not? A twin thinks they found America-- it looks like war-ravaged quagmire. He screams "America help us".(Smart kid, it may not be America, but maybe the cause of it!) Nukie tells him it isn't, suddenly all is lost, but the twin wishes at the stars, and the long-winded tag-line about wishing to stars shows relevance.

Finally the Movie ends with a soppy end of gleeful tears; the snake bitten twin lives; Nukie reunites with Meeko, and a horrible, foul, ragged monkey LICKS THE SNOT OFF NUKIES FACE! Then, at the butt-of-the-end Nukie, Meeko, and the Monkey morph into things which appear to be three sperm cells flying into outer-space.

The audience was supposed to cry with joy with the characters, but you probably didn't or won't, because this movie fails on so many levels. Glynnis Johns should be given an Oscar for crying at the end of this movie, what acting-- she was probably crying for her career (sorry).

In a way I'm saddened that this movie didn't make it big, I would have loved to have seen a Meeko Operation Game which cries for help, or a Nukie plush which mumbles suicidal thoughts!

This is the biggest failure of all time. Even the moral of the story (the tag-line) is utterly meaningless and useless.