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Battlefield Earth (2000)
Please save me!
Oh dear. I wish I could go back in time to when life were still good. Back to a time when I still haven't seen this horrible mess of a movie. It took me three times to get through it. Now I need a long good cry in the shower and months of therapy.
This is now no 1 of the worst movies I ever seen. They should've known better.
I feel violated!
How could actors of this caliber taint their name and legacy with this steaming pile of garbage is beyond my comprehension and beyond any logical explanation other than that they either got blackmailed into doing it or they lost som kind of bet!?
I tried, I really did. If you don't believe me try for yourself but remember that I told you so!
Please save yourself, stab out your eyes instead. For me it's too late so I guess I need some electrical chock therapy or a lobotomy to find inner peace again.
The Thorn Birds (1983)
Grooming, obviously!?
A priest separates a little girl from her family and brings her to the Catholic school. He then isolate her further by removing her from the other kids and put her in her own room.
A few years of blatant grooming takes place until the girl gets taken advantage of by said priest when she is a bit older.
Troubling story that tries to pass as a romantic movie masterpiece.
I'm not sure that anyone but me see what's really going on here?
I am truly shocked that this used to be so open. They don't even try to hide what's happening and the horrible things they dress up as a wonderful and lovely love story.
Jaws of Satan (1981)
The buildup in the beginning of the film was great but very quickly it caved in on it self.
At first I thought that this would be a really bad movie. I tend to ignore what other people have to say. After this one I'll be more careful on how I choose to spend my time. I hope that this review will spare others from this movie.
It's just not bad, it is REALLY bad. After the buildup in the first scene, who had all good ingredients to be something good it derailed totally.
I lost interest when they used the disgustingly old cliché that coroners is eating their lunch over dead bodies in the morgue. Not that I find it disgusting to eat in the presence of dead bodies. I just find the cliché itself, old, tired and boring.
Coroners have access to proper canteens. I have visited a real morgue in my line of work. I never saw as much as a piece of fruit in the autopsy room.
Back to this catastrophe of a movie. Somehow Satan have spawned into our world as a snake. The snake keeps biting, as snakes tend to do, its way to some random small town in, yes once again, America, where a priest who's ancestors was cursed by druids battles the snake.
One could possible find some symbolic values but this movie should be forgotten and I hope I can spare you from wasting your time on this.
The only thing worth mentioning is a young Christina Applegates appearance.
Empire of the Ants (1977)
Great B-Movie from a time when effect makers could get away with anything.
Even though my score is pretty low I really like this type of movies. The first time I saw this movie I was only 7 or 8 years old. It was really fun to revisit this and I had a great nostalgic experience. Joan Collins is great and I really loved the scenes with the giant ants. I remember from when I first saw this one. I was about 7 years old. It was really scary then but somehow it spiked my fascination for movies with giant insects.
Joan Collins is carrying the whole movie and she does it great.
If you like old monster movies you are going to love this one. Jerky stop-motion is mixed with actual ants climbing over miniatures.
Scarecrows (1988)
Horror trying to be action or action trying to be horror?
It feels like they couldn't decide between making an action or a horror movie. Sometimes it also feels like they try to bend the story to match a specific scene. They should have used Bergmans motto: "kill your darling" and cut out some of the "talking" -scenes that doesn't fit in or move the story forward.
The main actors couldn't deliver a line if their life depended on it. Try not to smile next time you scream Help! and Stop! And I really hate when they feel the need to set the scene with lines such as; it feels scary! instead of letting the scene play out more naturally and give the actors some more room to act? Several times it actually felt like I was watching two or three movies at the same time. I really liked the sound and music score though.