"Kennen Sie Ihren Liebhaber", which means "Do you know your lover?", is a German television film from 2012, so it means this one is moving closer to its 10th anniversary now and as bad as it may be that this was even made and released, it is way worse that this joke of a film (and not a good joke by any definition) is still shown many years later on national television. Your GEZ money at work, folks. But first things first. It runs for 1.5 hours and the director is Michael Kreindl. He is in his mid-50s now and still working as a filmmaker. Not cool. Same is pretty much true for the writer. Frank Zeller's most recent credit is from 2019, but he really is not a prolific man at all. No need to go further into detail. Just watch the man's body of work if you care. With that I mean watch the list, not watch the movies because it is not a body of wwork to be proud of and as bad as Kreindl's, even if the latter worked on many more television series and films were a bit of an exception. But yeah, looking at the quality of this film here, that is a good thing, also that Zeller did not work on many others. There is not much talent involved here when it comes to the crew and the people in key positions working on this film behind the camera. In front of the camera, things do not look much better, at least in terms of the lead actress. The Bavarian Wuchtbrumme Christine Neubauer already shows you her sleazy face on the photo here. It must be said that she was 50 when this was made, maybe 49, and what you see on the photo, the promo picture for this film, is not what she looks like, not what she looked like in 2011 and 2012 as you also see in the movie. A lot of photoshopping has been done here on this photo to make her look 15 years younger and more attractive. I do not support this, but it is extremely fitting for Neubauer. Her career is really based in its entirety on the art of make-believe. She is a truly horrible actress, always has the same face expression, has absolutely no talent when it comes to portraying depth and emotion and I have seen rocks with more versatility than this woman. It may sound harsh, but it is very accurate and she must take it because honestly her careerf is as well all make-believe. There is not a single actress here in Germany I am sure ho has played lead characters in so many films without having the slightest ounce of talent in her bones. Simply disgusting. The first face expression you see in this film is also the one you will see for the rest of the movie. It is also kinda funny with her always how much she keeps going over the top in every single film and yet she has not really played more than one character in her life. They just have 100 different names. The title is also very fitting for a Neubauer movie, how they address the audience, well those in the audience stupid enough to accept this film as quality, as art and think this lets them be a part of the story. Absolutely terrible title as well, could have been used for every film where a lover or an affair is part of the story and it would have been a bad choice nonetheless for each and every single one of these. Also in the cast we have Hans Werner Meyer and Ulrich Noethen and this surprises me a bit because I think they are not bad actors, actually fairly decent in some stuff they have done, especially Noethen. So why oh wwhy does he accept to be part of a Neubauer film. He sure does not need the money. Did not need it back then. Why would he agree to play second fiddle to this performer. I call her that because she does not really deserve the name actress.
As for the story, you cann see form my really low rating that I cannot say anything positive about that either. There were many horrible moments. Already the presentation with Neubauer's character is utter cringe. He owns a ship company if I understood correctly early on, is invited to an important congress and not only that, but she is also sitting in the front row where she is called by the speaker to give a speech as well. Obviously. She is as always a confident businesswoman, who still has a lot of heart. Durinf her speech, of course, she also manages to make sure to make a joke here and there that everybody in the room finds funny and she manages to stand up to all these men and overcome her gender. Oh what a powerful woman her character is. And look how good she is when it comes to ice skating although she has not done it for years how she says herself. She really excels in every department. Well, apart from being faithful to her husband. Of course, she is not playing easy to get, does not go with the guy to the restaurant despite him trying to have her with him immediately, but hey he tries for so long and eventually he manages to convince her and the two have sex. But really only because everyday life has become to boring for the protagonist and it ist not her fault. It is only the character's fault in these films if the man cheats on the female protagonist of course. It was almost cringeworthy how they depicted Noethen's character so unlikable when he said something like how he had the chance to cheat on his wife several times, but he did not. How dare he say something like that to a wonder woman like Victoria. Very fitting name as well. She is always associated with victory. So no surprise, at the end it seems her husband has decided to stay with her despite her cheating. Also, she is super smart too. Just look at the scene how she eventually sees an article or photo in a newspaper (how realistic they depict something like tham from decades ago that very moment) and knows that her new boss is now part of this as well and that it as all a scheme. Almost as realistic as Meyer's character doing what he does now after going to Harvard in his younger years. Or almost as realistic as the daughter being "abducted" by the stalker. Or almost as realistic as how they think the son is missing too, but he y he is just missing a show. That even rhymes. About as artistic as this movie. Also I felt there was a truly disgusting moment. When Victoria asks her son earlier what happened he says that the stranger touched him and we hear pseudo dramatic music and Neubauer's try-hard drama face implying that sexual abuse could have taken part. Before the boy says that he only touched his shoulder or so. Absolutely repulsive and if I was a victim of sexual abuse, I would be totally offended by how they dealt with a topic like this for the cheapest and most uninspired of drama thrills they could give. There are more very embarrassing moments when it comes to neubauer and her character. Many of those were so poorly written that I would normally say you cannot blame the actress because nobody could have made this work, but Neubauer accepted the part and she has no shame, only accepts parts like this (because luckily that is all she gets), so no mercy on her. The best example are the scenes with the sex tape. How she watches it, but even more how she says when speaking to Meyer's character it is not PG-13. That moment as so bad (with the unintentional comedy) that I almost laughed. Or how she says something similar to the cop later on and how he should not show the tape to everybody. There are many moments like this. The film at its core is a big mess, but the brief smaller moments away from the key plot aren't anything better. Just take a Noethen comment about Victoria's arrogant words how a bunch of older men were interested in her during this business trip. A trip during which she cheated on her husband, let's not forget that. Or with the final revelation and the involvement of her colleague. How would he even know that she decides to give him the job and this was the goal of the entire mission. But it wasn't safe at all. Or the police interfering eventually when she is used as a decoy to catch the bad guy. And she does an amazing job. Or of course we also find out how she is very liberal when it comes to her job and the bad guy is an evil conservative I suppose. Ah man, I could easily write another five paragraphs on why this is a horrible, horrible movie, but I'll leave it at that. You get the message and hopefully I will forget about it soon this way. I can only say I wwas cheering for Meyer's character. that says it all about Neubauer I suppose. In this movie and in everything else. Something positive to say here? Well, i think Meyer did a decent job and with a better lead actress and much better material for Noethen, this could have been a semi-decent film perhaps. But from that, the actual outcome is as far away as the Democratic Republic of the Congo from its first moon landing. Absolutely not recommended. Even for a Neubauer movie it is pretty bad and that says it all. Fat thumbs-down. Nothing felt real or authentic here.
As for the story, you cann see form my really low rating that I cannot say anything positive about that either. There were many horrible moments. Already the presentation with Neubauer's character is utter cringe. He owns a ship company if I understood correctly early on, is invited to an important congress and not only that, but she is also sitting in the front row where she is called by the speaker to give a speech as well. Obviously. She is as always a confident businesswoman, who still has a lot of heart. Durinf her speech, of course, she also manages to make sure to make a joke here and there that everybody in the room finds funny and she manages to stand up to all these men and overcome her gender. Oh what a powerful woman her character is. And look how good she is when it comes to ice skating although she has not done it for years how she says herself. She really excels in every department. Well, apart from being faithful to her husband. Of course, she is not playing easy to get, does not go with the guy to the restaurant despite him trying to have her with him immediately, but hey he tries for so long and eventually he manages to convince her and the two have sex. But really only because everyday life has become to boring for the protagonist and it ist not her fault. It is only the character's fault in these films if the man cheats on the female protagonist of course. It was almost cringeworthy how they depicted Noethen's character so unlikable when he said something like how he had the chance to cheat on his wife several times, but he did not. How dare he say something like that to a wonder woman like Victoria. Very fitting name as well. She is always associated with victory. So no surprise, at the end it seems her husband has decided to stay with her despite her cheating. Also, she is super smart too. Just look at the scene how she eventually sees an article or photo in a newspaper (how realistic they depict something like tham from decades ago that very moment) and knows that her new boss is now part of this as well and that it as all a scheme. Almost as realistic as Meyer's character doing what he does now after going to Harvard in his younger years. Or almost as realistic as the daughter being "abducted" by the stalker. Or almost as realistic as how they think the son is missing too, but he y he is just missing a show. That even rhymes. About as artistic as this movie. Also I felt there was a truly disgusting moment. When Victoria asks her son earlier what happened he says that the stranger touched him and we hear pseudo dramatic music and Neubauer's try-hard drama face implying that sexual abuse could have taken part. Before the boy says that he only touched his shoulder or so. Absolutely repulsive and if I was a victim of sexual abuse, I would be totally offended by how they dealt with a topic like this for the cheapest and most uninspired of drama thrills they could give. There are more very embarrassing moments when it comes to neubauer and her character. Many of those were so poorly written that I would normally say you cannot blame the actress because nobody could have made this work, but Neubauer accepted the part and she has no shame, only accepts parts like this (because luckily that is all she gets), so no mercy on her. The best example are the scenes with the sex tape. How she watches it, but even more how she says when speaking to Meyer's character it is not PG-13. That moment as so bad (with the unintentional comedy) that I almost laughed. Or how she says something similar to the cop later on and how he should not show the tape to everybody. There are many moments like this. The film at its core is a big mess, but the brief smaller moments away from the key plot aren't anything better. Just take a Noethen comment about Victoria's arrogant words how a bunch of older men were interested in her during this business trip. A trip during which she cheated on her husband, let's not forget that. Or with the final revelation and the involvement of her colleague. How would he even know that she decides to give him the job and this was the goal of the entire mission. But it wasn't safe at all. Or the police interfering eventually when she is used as a decoy to catch the bad guy. And she does an amazing job. Or of course we also find out how she is very liberal when it comes to her job and the bad guy is an evil conservative I suppose. Ah man, I could easily write another five paragraphs on why this is a horrible, horrible movie, but I'll leave it at that. You get the message and hopefully I will forget about it soon this way. I can only say I wwas cheering for Meyer's character. that says it all about Neubauer I suppose. In this movie and in everything else. Something positive to say here? Well, i think Meyer did a decent job and with a better lead actress and much better material for Noethen, this could have been a semi-decent film perhaps. But from that, the actual outcome is as far away as the Democratic Republic of the Congo from its first moon landing. Absolutely not recommended. Even for a Neubauer movie it is pretty bad and that says it all. Fat thumbs-down. Nothing felt real or authentic here.
