This is one of the worst movies ever made. Stallone wrote it and stars in it, and made himself the talky character-actor character, and his acting is horrific. He tries to be the likes of Burt Young in ROCKY, and misses... oh how he misses. Some problems with the movie. Armand Assante begins as his nice older brother while Stallone is a jerk; then, after a collage of scenes, Assante becomes a cross between Michael Corleone and Mickey from ROCKY, and Darth Vadar. He becomes a sinister and evil man, and it makes no sense whatsoever. The plot, as little as it is, involves Stallone getting his other brother, a really big good looking guy who resembles a giant Marlon Brando (in his prime). But as a viewer I could care less about any of the characters. Oh, and if you really want a laugh, the main song, that appears during a horrific credit scene involving a rooftop race, is sung by Sly himself, sounding like Elvis imitating Frankenstein's monster. Another problem I had with this movie is the same problem I had with the main characters in SWING SHIFT and NEW YORK, NEW YORK, that is, all involves a guy who stays home and doesn't fight in the war. Now, for a Vietnam era movie this isn't bad; it happens all the time. But when it involved World War 2, it just doesn't cut it, and that character isn't likable... not to me. This movie is horrible. It's like a cartoon. Speaking of... the great character actor Kevin Conway (who played three different roles in FUNHOUSE by Tobe Hopper) plays a bar owner thug who talks like Bugs Bunny. I think he's trying for a Cagney, but fails. A lot of good actors fail in this bomb: Anne Archer, who seems like she's imitating an old corny movie on purpose; Frank McCrea, who, for no reason, jumps into a river and kills himself; and the great late cult actor Joe Spinell (the mob guy in ROCKY) as an evil, yet still goofy, wrestling promoter. This film tries to involve wrestling like ROCKY did boxing... and fails. Oh boy how it fails... on all counts... 3,2,1...
Review of Paradise Alley
