Reviews

This is the pits. Absolutely the pits. If a picture says more than a thousand words, then writing "abysmal" 133,500,000 times should begin to touch the level that this movie is on. Brain death is a good place to start if you want to enjoy this pathetic dribble.

Stunts that would embarrass Matlock and a script that could frighten the writers of the Menthos commercials.

Apart from such elements as secret island ninja cults, the obligatory karate championship and the evil European-accent criminal mastermind, this manages to scrape the bottom of a barrel to a degree that even the original movie could not touch when it introduces such wonderfully realistic elements as genetically modified superninjas as a tool to terrorist generals and - here is something new and original - oil sheik arabs driving Mercedeses.

There is also a female ninja master who sees the light and is turned over to the "good side" and is wooed by the American ninja, as well as a comic relief sidekick, both of whom - and this is the only redeeming feature of the movie - die.

Apart from this, ninjas that are clearly made from alabaster, judging by how easy they snuff it, fighting sequences that lack any sort of power or punch (the female ninja is absolutely pathetic) and a piano "riff" that plays through every damn single fighting sequence to the point where you can feel it drilling through your ear drums.

Oh, and the credits song. "The Cobra Strikes". I am considering suing for aggravated assault.

This movie is so bad, it is beyond words. The acting is so pathetic, it hurts to watch, and the whole thing is obviously set in the Phillipines because it was cheaper to hire extras and rent the drug baron's mansion for a couple of days there, instead of in Japan. Never mind that it throws any logic the script might have possessed right out the window. The acting is about as good as the one you'll likely find in a porn movie, but rather than be a lame excuse for tying together the sex scenes, it is here used to tie together the fighting sequences.

This movie is hardly able to stand up to a bad episode of the A-Team. The script, for example, is stupid beyond words. Some examples:

• The mandatory european-accent bad guy has a ninja training camp in his back yard (no, not on some secluded island far away from prying eyes. Literally his back yard). They basically run around and jump off springboards. Always a valuable combat skill.

• When part of a convoy that gets hi-jacked, the hero starts hitting one hi-jacker, then another. Meanwhile the other 25 or so with automatic weapons just look at him walk up to one after another and beat them up without as much as turning off the safety on their guns.

• In the end, when the good guys storm the bad guy's mansion, suddenly explosions go off at random intervals and places. Which is a pity, seeing as nobody have cannons or even grenades. I assumed it was just the ninjas starting to self-destruct.