Zalis's Reviews

Sailor Moon (1992–1997)

Say what you will about SS, it's still very kawaii to me

12 September 2003

Out of the four seasons commercially available in the U.S., Sailor Moon Super S is often regarded as the worst or second worst. I won't argue with the reasoning of the naysayers, because they've got a point. The series does suffer for its focus on Chibi-Usa, and the often unimpressive "Remless" contribute to a "Monster of the Day" syndrome in many episodes. There aren't a lot of the filler episodes that focus on the inner senshi and their development, which I miss, and let's not even talk about the "little elephant" incident.

However, a lot of elements are quite strong. The philosophy on dreams, while repetitive, is fairly interesting, and the adulthood/growing up themes resonate in my ancient twenty-two year old soul. There's also some interesting episodes concerning music and art. The soundtrack retains some classic tracks, and the first ending song, especially when used within episodes, always gets an emotional reaction. (Especially in #31, "The Secret of Pegasus! The Handsome Guardian of the Dream World," where Chibiusa becomes an adult and Usagi becomes a child.) Although, the second ending song is quite forgettable. Even though Nehelenia and Zirconia are not that interesting, the main henchmen (the Amazon Trio & the Amazonness Quartet) are decently fleshed out, and become sympathetic characters by the time their "Stage Out" comes along.

So, even though Super S isn't the best, it's still worth watching if you like to see a lot of cute moments interspersed with the standard SM action, romance, and love/friendship celebrating that we've come to know and love. Nevertheless, I should say that my positive comments only apply to the Japanese version. Not only have I not seen the English version, but my theory is that if the Japanese version was weaker than the other seasons, the English will certainly be very bad. The English voice of Chibiusa, in particular, is somehow even more annoying than she was in R.

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The Hot Chick (2002)

Hit and miss comedy, but not the worst ever

4 April 2003

My perception of "The Hot Chick" was quite similar to my perception of Schneider's earlier film, "Deuce Bigalow: Male Giggalo." It's a comedy that's not the greatest, with some good and funny moments in a sea of overdone, lowest-common-denominator humor. The movie did a good job satirizing the trappings and formalities of high school and the behaviors of teenaged girls and guys. As other reviewers pointed out, it was somewhat disappointing that there wasn't more shown of Rachael McAdams as she attempted to play a male character. It would have added a little more balance to the plot. At many moments, I felt like the movie could have had potential to do better, but decided to take the low road or carry a gag too far. For instance, the scene where she's listening to her dad talk about his marriage would have been good if they hadn't started going into too many details. . .the restroom scene was a little too much. . . and in general, they could have had Jessica starting to respect people outside her own race and class a little more. Anna Faris also puts in a good turn as Jessica's best friend, and the quasi-lesbian romance is rather interesting. Still, I got the suspicious feeling that the movie was a vehicle for Rob Schneider to have pillow fights with relatively young actresses, and I recommend that you do something else, like ironing, while watching it.

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Great Expectations (1998)

How about South Park's version. . .?

1 January 2003

Great Expectations '98 was a decent film on some levels--the cinematography of the Florida scenes, particularly the crumbling mansion; the acting was reasonable, for the most part, and that first kiss scene had me "aww"ing like a Full House audience. However, even though I've never read the book (see location above), I still got the feeling that it was being heavily distorted and bastardized in the transition to film. I have some inclination to read the book, but maybe I should just watch the old film instead.

P.S. I'm glad someone else noticed the Bryan Adams lyric use.

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Brian's Song (2001 TV Movie)

Where'd the music go?

16 August 2002

Although this remake falls a little bit short of the original in several departments (that others have brought up, such as the casting and the watering down of the racially charged dialogue between Sayers and Piccolo), it stays fairly true to the core story, with some new parts about their families and a more extensive portrayal of Piccolo's illness. "Brian's Song" has often been described as a "Love Story" style tearjerker for guys, and the new version managed to pull this off with me, in the night scene where the two are talking alone on the field, and we hear just a few notes of the Michael Legrand theme from the original. This brings me to my main point. . .why not more of that music? That theme (called "the Hands of Time") is, in my opinion, one of the most poignant and emotionally touching bits of music I know. If one listens carefully, you can hear some examples of derivative composing in movies such as "Lilo & Stitch" where other composers try to cash in on the Brian's Song theme.

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Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (1986 Video Game)

Very good. Very Challenging.

29 July 2002

One of the reasons I wanted Super Mario All-Stars was simply to play this game. Nowadays, I can breeze through any of the other Mario games with minimal difficulty (aside from Yoshi's Island, haven't played that one too many times). It retained the feel of the original classic, but with several new twists, such as poison mushrooms, wind, powerful spring boards, "maze" effects in open air levels (i.e. 7-3, C-3), and in one case, a goal that's on a different plane than the level's starting point. It took me probably over 20 times to beat level 8-4 (Mario 3 blatantly rips off the "jump off a ledge and angle yourself left into a pirahna plant to avoid falling into a pit" situation), but I managed to beat that, the "secret" world 9, and the greater challenges of levels A-D (although D-4 doesn't have the same sting as 8-4). The only problem is that the save feature on the Super Nintendo is essentially unlimited lives, as it allows you to save after each individual level. Still, very much worth playing if you like Mario games and miss the old days of 2-D sidescrolling platform games.

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The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest (1996–1997)

An epic quest. . .

29 July 2002

When I first saw "The Matrix," I was immediately reminded of the opening graphics of this high-quality cartoon show. This show never disappointed me with its smart writing, very good animation, and its storyline. . .it has a more or less continuous plot, at least towards the end. My favorite two episodes were "Less than Zero," where the team seeks after ghosts in a huge Venetian island mansion (kind of a fusion between "Ghostbusters" and "The Shining") and an episode where the team lands on an island that has, again, a haunted house. Johnny and Jesse become possessed by two dead lovers, and in a very cute scene, find themselves kissing as the spirits leave their bodies. It's a shame that the lowgrade animation and lowest common denominator catchphrase spewing humor of shows such as Powerpuff girls and Dexter's Laboratory are what we get these days. P.S. It may be sacrilage, but I daresay that "Real adventures" was BETTER than the original Johnny Quest.

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Autumn in New York (2000)

Not much redeeming value. . .(some spoilers)

16 July 2002

Warning: Spoilers

I knew this film wouldn't be too good when I saw it, but I figured, "Might as well. . ." To be fair, the acting of the leads and supporting roles is on a moderate to good level, and the story did create a few genuine moments of sadness. However, the story has been done a million times before. . ."Love Story," "Sweet November," "A Walk to Remember," and so forth. All "Autumn in New York" did was put the age difference spin on it, as well as the quasi-incestual component which other commenters have mentioned. *Minor Spoilers ahead* The ending is, of course, utterly predictable, and it really felt like a movie and its suffering audience were simply being put out of their collective miseries. And on a final note, I just want to complain about the preponderance of New York movies. Sure, some are set there because some feature of the city is necessary for the plot (Wall Street in "The Family Man", Madison Avenue in "Splash", Central Park as an improvised road in "Die Hard 3", and so forth), but that was not the case in this movie, aside from forming a basis for the rather uncreative title. Maybe someday, studios will realize that there are a few other good-sized cities in the US other than NYC, LA and Chicago. If this movie had been called, for instance, "St. Louis Twilight," I might have been more willing to see it. And not to kick a city while it's down, so to speak, but I think we've all seen enough of the Big Apple.

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Sidewalks of New York (2001)

Interesting, but fell a little short

18 March 2002

Like many other commentators here, I got that Woody Allen feeling while watching this movie. "Sidewalks of New York" had some likeable and some dislikeable elements. It did provide plenty of interesting commentary on the rather sad state of modern relationships, but at the same time, this relationship banter included a preponderance of sex talk, to the point where I wanted to yell at half the characters, "All right, we get it! Stop whining already." The acting was fairly good, even from Heather Graham, surprisingly enough. Brittany Murphy, as well. The "documentary" feel, despite jittery camera shots, gave the film a refreshingly different atmosphere, that saved it from descending even farther into the depths of melodrama. My final complaint is one that I have about a lot of movies, so it isn't entirely specific to this one: Why New York? Why is it always New York? Of course, I understand the budget concern here, but the story would have worked in any city of appreciable size. Let me say, I would lay down my money at a theater if I knew a movie was set in a place such as Denver, St. Louis, Kansas City, Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Detroit, Seattle, or practically any city outside of L.A/S.F or the Boston-DC region. (For movies set in NYC, though, I liked "The Bone Collector" because it showed the seedy, older sides of the city, not just the glitzy Manhattan Skyline)

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Holiday in the Sun (2001 Video)

4/10

"Does not represent best work"

26 February 2002

Although the Olsen twins are their generally adorable selves in "Holiday in the Sun," the movie was a bit of a disappointment. The other comments have some truth in them. . .it does seem very much like an advertisement for the Atlantis Resort. Let's see, what else. . .the "Cyrano de Bergerac" romantic plot was done better in "Whatever it Takes," and came off rather awkwardly here. As for the editing and home video-style shots, that's something of a Mary-Kate & Ashley trademark (see "So Little Time"). What bothered me most is that there wasn't an ongoing sense of tension or conflict present in some of their other films; this one is a lot of playing around, with a bit about antiquities smuggling thrown in at the end. So, if you're going to bash the twins, don't judge by this one alone; at least see some other ones, like "Our Lips are Sealed" and especially "Winning London" first.

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The Truck Farmer (1954)

Worship the truck farmer! Bow down before him!

26 February 2002

An interesting little short about the exploitative system of the 1930's-50's that used cheap Mexican workers (that "cross the border on temporary work permits to *help* with the harvest"). Between the excessive chemicals and the water hose (that will later be used to beat back the workers), there's no end to the laughs when MST:3K features this before "I Accuse my Parents." Great lines abound, such as "A preteen is put to work. Her Beauty will soon fade" and "It's Killdozer! Clint Walker, no!"

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Our Lips Are Sealed (2000)

7/10

The movie that started it all. . .

26 February 2002

I had known who Mary-Kate & Ashley were since the Full house days. . .I knew they had some videos and movies, but when I saw this film on Fox Family in November, I decided that their movies were worth a look. After seeing a few, "Our Lips are Sealed" remains one of the better ones. It's got some action, some decent lines, and an endearing "clean" quality to it. You see, I'm a 20 year old male, and I've seen my share of sexy & violent movies. It's nice to see that some people still want to make G-rated movies. However, it's not exactly a "great" movie. . .if you're older than the twins, there's several "eye-roller" moments, and there's not a whole lot of effort to differentiate the girls. If you are a MK & A fan, I'd recommend the DVD, because it has commentary from the girls and other cool features.

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Full House (1987–1995)

A show to laugh at, not with.

8 February 2002

Like many other people who watched this show during their early teen years, I worshipped the ground it walked on. But, after getting slightly older and wiser, I realized that this show was long on "Have mercy!" and "I want some ous cream!" and a little short on intelligent writing. Still, I'll watch a rerun once in awhile just to laugh at all the crazy situations, the heavily over-used cliches, all of it. Also, a lot of people mention the Olsen twins as a particularly bad aspect of the show. Sure, they're not the world's greatest actresses, but they did parlay an infant role on a show like this into a massive fashion and entertainment empire. You've got to have at least some respect for that. I do, anyway. (As a further side note, their next show, "Two of a Kind" makes a few jokes about "Full House." While discussing poker hands, we hear, "Wow, when we were little, full house beat everything." Also, when their live-in babysitter dates their uncle, they say "Hey, if uncle Matt and Carrie get married, they can live down in the basement forever!". . .a loving nod to the much maligned "Uncle Jesse gets married but stays in the attic at Michelle's demand" incident.)

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Pearl Harbor (2001)

Who researched the sex values?

17 January 2002

Since there were 1161 comments before mine, I'm pretty sure they've covered most of the good, the bad, and the ugly of this movie. Especially, that it is most certainly "Titanic 2" in many respects. Historical & technical problems abound. . .but there are some decent points. The much maligned love story is decent at times, and sometimes they do capture the 1940's atmosphere fairly well. The music is good, although I did get tired of those same three notes after the 473rd shot of people drowning or otherwise suffering (Titanic-style). My main gripe with this movie is its inaccurate portrayal of 1940's sex mores. I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned this scene, but it's an early one where all the nurses are chatting and one says "Sure, I'm here to do my duty to my country. . .and about 20 guys." Call me crazy, but I can't see a woman in that era making that very 80's/90's/00's sexual proclamation. All right, maybe I could believe that a girl would say that. However, I do not believe that all the other nurses would giggle and laugh in agreement. At least some would be shocked and appalled. That, to me, was one of the many, many problems this "war film" carried with it. Overall, some passable acting and set work, so we'll go with 4.5/10

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Sugar & Spice (2001)

not amazed, but not disappointed

17 December 2001

Even though the plot of this film is a little bit silly, it's still got some good things going for it. The acting performances of Marla Sokoloff, Mena Suvari, and Marley Shelton were decent, and there were plenty of funny moments. One thing I didn't like were the scenes that seemed to be intentionally set up, in terms of camera angle and distance, for the previews. Just a little too awkward. . . Of all the jokes, the fact that the main couples' names are "Jack and Diane" stands out, to me, anyway. Also, plenty of high school/cheerleading stereotypes abound, and they all had me thinking, "Yep, that's high school, all right."

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EarthBound (1994 Video Game)

Mostly good.

3 December 2001

All in all, Earthbound is a high-quality game. Okay, so the graphics weren't mindblowing. I didn't find a problem with them in the numerous times I played it. Some of the enemies are done pretty well. The game storyline is also quite extensive, traveling all over the "world" to 8 important sites. Good characters and some interesting tangents (Moonside, Ness's Mind. . .) make the game even more interesting. My main two gripes: The item storage is extremely limiting, compared to other RPG's, and going through the pyramind/the desert/dungeon man is tiresome. But that doesn't make it uplayable, so I'm going to get up, erase some erasers, and kick some alien butt.

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Saving Silverman (2001)

No one has a sense of shame, do they?

14 November 2001

I just watched "Saving Silverman" on video, and I have to admit, it is slightly funny. In fact, it's an uproarious success as long as you turn your brain off and make no effort whatsoever to use it. As others have mentioned, there are huge plausibility issues with this movie. Whoever deemed the body in the car crash "unidentifiable" has obviously never heard of a thing called "dental records." J.D's obsession with food gets really old really fast. Plenty of people fall out of cars, get hit by cars, and suffer other such mishaps (similar to one in "Cruel Intentions"), but easily survive. In all the time Judith was held hostage, Darren never dropped in on his friends, or asked why they wouldn't let him in his garage? The racoon bit has been done a million times. . ."Dude, Where's My Car?" was much more believable than this, and it had aliens. . . But, there were a few good points. We saw Amanda Detmer (of "Final Destination" and "Boys and Girls") with her shirt off, as well as in a very high cut Britney Spears video inspired nun habit. . .her acting was passable. I liked Amanda Peet ("Sometimes you have to make cold, rational decisions about this") and her well portrayed calculating, manipulative, powerful character. And then there's Neil Diamond. The cover band featured in the movie is not an isolated creation; bands of its style really do exist. Diamond's character was a little cheesy, though, spouting off song titles and lines within the movie's dialogue. Plus, other lines of dialogue play on the movie's title not once, but twice. . .also not a good sign.

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Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

"I think George Lucas is gonna sue somebody!"

5 November 2001

Oh, Mystery Science Theater 3000, why did you have to leave us before this movie came out? When I first saw this, in the theater, I was somewhat impressed by the city sets and dragons. . .but, after seeing it on video, I saw the movie's many, many shortcomings. The plot is minimal, the dialogue is subsubpar, there's a *Wayans* brother,and there are so many Star Wars rip-offs it's not even funny. You've got Queen Amidala (the empress), Yoda (the elf king. . .replace "magic" with "the force" in his lines and you'll feel like you're on Dagobah) and the basic plot structure, as noted by other people. But still, I give this movie a 3, for 3 reasons: 1) Some of the sets and effects were passable, although the thief maze was an Indiana Jones rip-off 2) Zoe Mclellan is a pretty, decent actress who does an okay job 3) Even though MST:3K is gone, this movie lets you bring it back to life in your own home. My friends and I thoroughly enjoyed making fun of it; for instance, I found the line "Not so talented, eh, Mr Ridley?" to be absolutely hilarious because I had been making the same joke for half the movie.

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Scary Movie 2 (2001)

not as good, but not that bad (possible spoilers)

9 July 2001

Warning: Spoilers

Although some of these other people didn't, I thought Scary Movie 2 was pretty funny. Slightly cleaner than the original, less gory, and genuinely scary in a few places. But I love virtually any spoof film, and although this wasn't exactly excellent, it was still worth my time. The beginning bit with the party guests switching from 60's show tunes to contemporary rap was hilarious, to me anyway.Here's a list of some references I saw or heard of from other people: The Exorcist, Amityville Horror, The Haunting, Scooby Doo ("we've got to lure him to this platform!"), Hollow Man, What Lies Beneath, The Matrix (anyone notice the yawning commentary that Matrix rip-offs are getting boring?), Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Charlie's Angels, House on Haunted Hill(?), Ben Hurr, Ghostbusters, and, believe it or not, Face/off. I was probably the only person in the theater to get it, but when pigeons fly across the scene during one of the later fight scenes, it references a scene that occurs in a church in Face/off as Sean Archer and Castor Troy begin one of their many gunfights. I guess that was my purpose for commenting, to share that tidbit.

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Crazy/Beautiful (2001)

Worthy, likeable, but. . . (**some spoilers**)

8 July 2001

Warning: Spoilers

Well, I'm generally a fan of your typical teen movies, cheesy as they may be. Crazy/Beautiful was at least different, if not a cut above the rest. I'm quickly becoming a Kirsten Dunst fan (and believe me, Dick didn't make it easy). Anyway, on to the film. It really plays around with our stereotypes about race and economic class, as we'd expect the poor Latino to be the one into drugs, alcohol, and all that rather than the rich princess white girl. As someone mentioned, the leads are clearly beyond high school age, but hey, what do you expect? The acting wasn't superb, but it wasn't mediocre. I really liked Taryn Manning, too. She's quite lovely, and her and Dunst have an odd kind of chemistry, if you know what I mean. The story was decent, and it did manage to pick up some steam. The later scenes between Nicole and her father are quite touching. That said, let's move on to some problems: (and some more spoilers) The whirlwind romance seems a little too fast-paced. Carlos seems to have a "may as well" attitude about many of the early proceedings. There's a scene where they argue about the merits of their school (Carlos's "You joke around. . .I get up at 5 am to get here. . ." rant) that comes virtually out of the blue. I would think that Carlos, being Hispanic, would be strongly influenced by the wishes of his family, and his desire to make something of himself. Yet, he risks everything for a messed-up rich lush, when he's (probably) attractive enough to have the pick of the field.

------Spoilers Approaching------

The scene at the school where he says "I don't care about. . .I want to be with you" pretty much disgusted me. Throughout, he doesn't seem to have strong reasons to love her; she is damn hot, but she disrupts his life and interferes with his dreams. . .I would have walked out and let her go to the rehab place. I mean, he's risking his dreams for a girlfriend that he caught half-naked in a hot tub kissing another guy! But don't get me wrong, I'm just bitter. Despite these problems, it's still worth it. I suppose that depends on where you live.

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Battlefield Earth (2000)

2/10

360 people gave this a 10?

19 February 2001

All right, to be honest, I haven't even seen this movie, though I plan to for "scientific research" purposes. I just wanted to make a comment on the "critical acclaim" comment on the movie box. It reads something like this: "Excellent scene transitions and some of the better special effects we've seen this year. All in all, a good ol' time at the movie theater." --Joblo's Movie Emporium

Seriously, it actually is something like that. I've never screamed "I want 2 hours of my life back" after a movie, but there's probably a first time for everything. . .

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Book of Love (1990)

3/10

Almost, but quite a bit short.

19 February 2001

At the start, this seemed like a decent teenage high school "coming of age" story. But, I was disappointed, because Book of Love not only has unnecessary profanity and sex crap, it also fails to create the warmth and realism that other classics like "The Sure Thing" or "Some Kind of Wonderful" or "Sixteen Candles" have. Like Rick Peach said, it seems like a made for latenight/weekend cable movie.

Another side note: I have to say, you gotta hand it to Eddie Chattanooga and his All-stars, the prom band. Even though the movie is set in 1956, they play a cover version of Mel Carter's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me", which was not a hit single until a full 9 years later in 1965! I'm sorry, but with blatant anacronisms that any 19 year-old with Joel Whitburn's Billboard Top 40 book can spot, a movie can't be decent quality. ..3/10.

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Undressed (1999–2002)

Not exactly "quality" TV, but I still watch

18 February 2001

I don't know where or when I started watching this show, but I did. Granted, some of the situations are a tad unbelievable, and the characters aren't upstanding moral pillars. But still, one can find fun in predicting the next turns of events in the plot. As others have said, it's addicting.. .when they have Undressed marathons, I can sit and watch it for hours. Maybe that's a sign I lead a sad life. Some have questioned the format. As far as I can tell, they do run three unrelated plots with people in High School, College, and beyond college. As soon as one plot line "resolves" (meaning that a couple has settled into a secure relationship, or broken up permanently), it ceases, and a new storyline for that age group begins. These stories can vary in length. And also, as far as I can tell, the show is written by the actors, lending hints of low budget production as well originality. I wouldn't say it's entirely accurate (i.e., there's no unisex bathrooms or hot girls throwing themselves at guys (not me, anyway) at my dorm), but it's at least worth watching for the hot chicks (and presumably, hot guys).

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Where the Heart Is (2000)

Generally pretty good, if it weren't for THOSE lines!

9 August 2000

Warning: Spoilers

**SOME SPOILERS AHEAD**

Let me start off by saying, that I'm a guy, and I saw this movie for 1.75, alone, without any female dragging me to it. But, I was pleasantly surprised, and didn't waste my money. Natalie Portman is, of course, a babe, and a good enough actress. Ashley Judd, also well done. The story, random and episodic (others have cited this as well) as it is, actually was sweet and heartwarming. But there are a few issues. First, the Wal-Mart thing. A Wal-Mart cashier commented that she wouldn't be able to sleep there undetected. And, after she has the baby, Wal-Mart gives her $500, and a job! Why would they do this, when Novalee has been trespassing and STEALING (see the "I owe Wal-Mart" notebook scene) for six weeks?? It's giving 16-year old girls the wrong idea about pregnancy and motherhood, that's for sure. (SPOILER APPROACHING) And then there's Fourney. Poor Fourney. Here is a guy who falls in love with Novalee, accepts her child, and is in general an all-around great guy. He tells her he loves her, and what does she say? "Fourney, you're the best friend I could ever ask for. . ." "Novalee. . .do you love me?" "No, Fourney, I don't, not that way." As a guy who has heard lines like that from girls thousands of times, it took Every ounce of willpower I had to avoid yelling "BOOOOO!!!" very loudly. If it weren't for that, "Where the Heart Is" would have gotten a 7, but I've gotta downgrade it to a 5.

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Rock and Roll Fantasy (1992)

2/10

Suckfest!

18 May 2000

My two friends and I rented this film, expecting a bad movie. We were not disappointed. I usually find the good sides in movies, but this one was lacking. It contains some of the worst acting I have ever seen (Sara, Miranda, Jamie Z., the New Age son. . .) and terrible writing. . . a few jokes were good, but the rest fell completely flat. The love story, of the uptight, nerdy chick, and the rebellious rock star is incredibly contrived, relying on Jamie Z's (who was cast for looks, and NOT acting) massive stupidity. The only redeeming factors were the hitman ("If I eat any more roots and twigs, I'll s*** a nest!") and (surprisingly few) moments of nudity. One of these is a girl walking topless, slow-motion from a hot tub, in a scene that is absolutely worthless, which pretty much sums up the movie.

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The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (1989)

Missing it. . .

2 February 2000

I loved this show to death. The live action sequences featured funny cameos from celebrities, and the cartoons. . . they were just awesome, with my favorite video game heroes in amazing escapades. They really don't make them like this anymore.

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