Reviews

'0' stars

Unbelievable mindlessness from beginning to end.

How anybody would invest a cent in such a script defies the imagination. That Travolta and Hawke didn't fire their agents for having got them into this dog (which only managed $61K box office!!) is equally staggering.

Using the 32x 'action speed meter' it's immediately apparent NOTHING happens until so far in when a half-baked psychotic hired gun ratchets up the anticipation of bloody confrontation. But by that time few have hung around, especially those craving gratutious violence. And the potentially interesting 'elements' and characters are routinely squandered by a writer aspiring to create a work beyond his talents; while the director & producer didn't have the creative talent to correct the flaws.

To compare it to 'The Quick and the Dead' is a travesty. It's not even fit to be called a real piece of schlock.

Everybody's talent is wasted.

Hard to understand how Van Johnson got railroaded into this B-movie trash, except he was on the downhill grade by then and his agent had bills to pay.

As it happens he was involved with Clover Productions again.

Clover's enviable slate of schlock - some now total classics:

It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955) The Giant Claw (1957) Zombies of Mora Tau (1957) Don't Knock the Rock (1956) The Houston Story (1956) Rock Around the Clock (1956) New Orleans Uncensored (1955) The Enemy General (1960) The Werewolf (1956) Creature with the Atom Brain (1955)

Director Arthur Dreifuss, German by birth had an enviable B-movie list behind him, and certainly the background touched home with him. But obvious budget restrictions lead to basically intolerable errors: German officers with British Sten guns. Or German troops using Browning machineguns. Plus Arthur isn't a natural adept of the 'action genre'.

If they had a combat 'technical advisor' he was drunk on the job. NOBODY would last 10 seconds with this kind of 'action'.

On the other hand there would still be a large number of combat veterans from WW2 & Korea in 60's audiences, so anything more 'realistic' and brutal might cause traumatic memories to return they preferred to try to forget. (But if so, why go to a war movie???)

There's a message but like most of the swathe of 'Battle of The Bulge' outings from the 50's and later like the pitiful 'Ardennes Fury' (2014) why waste time even looking for them?

"The Noise and the Fury" is a sadly undiscovered masterpiece which deserves to get maximum media play during the 100th anniversary of November 11, 1918.

The IMDB description "A documentary of World War I, exploring how soldiers accepted their conditions in the trenches when no clear reason had been given for the fight." in no way prepares the viewer for the sense of utter hopelessness the masterful narrator immediately instills in the viewer. His studiously monotonous voice haunts the soul as deeply as the moving imagery of total man-made destruction unfolding on the screen.

There is (fortunately) no great discussion here of the mind-numbing human and logistical statistics of industrialized carnage in the killing zone of modern accurate long-distance artillery around the inescapably immobile barbed wire entangled front lines. Just the sheer hopelessness. A country, patriotic duty and death. In the millions.

And a glimpse of the fatally flawed and incompetent leadership when confronted with such pending, insecapable calamity on a daily basis.

Their lives were worthless.

That was the good news. The rest (and fate) is just too cruel.

The reasons behind WW1 are far more complex and deep-seated than an assassination in Sarajevo. Germany did NOT have to go to war on Austria's side. But the German High Command, forever fearful of Russia's intentions and its vast army then modernizing, did not want to fight a war on two fronts. They were also very conscious of the fact that any 'modern' war with vast armies opposing each other must be won fast BEFORE the other could mobilize, decided with the Schlieffen Plan they could move a million men by train to the borders with France = attacked. Hoping to beat the French then destroy the Russians.

The plan called for 1.3 MILLION men to attack France through Belgium and Alsace. Only 930,000 were moved by rail. They advanced fast to within sight of the outskirts of Paris. Then were halted (and this is the most depressing part the film spares us) because although the plans used trains for transport so far, for the final 60 miles it became impossible to move new troops and supplies to the front except by horses and carts. That could not be done but thousands of horses were worked to death in a matter of weeks trying.

In the war itself millions were used, abused and died in the most horrific circumstances which the film glances over probably because of a darth of documentary film material on equine destruction.

Germany lost the First Battle of The Marne and withdrew to a defensive position = the one thing they did not want to do, because it was the start of a war of attrition.

Their entire attack plan failed because of a fatal logistic flaw: dependence on horses and carts. And within six weeks the Chief of the German General Staff Field Marshal Helmuth von Moltke the Younger went to Kaiser Wilhelm and supposedly told him Germany had lost the war. Only SIX WEEKS in and they knew they had lost the war, but could have never imagined the mindless horrors of destruction and futility that awaited them as this film shows.

That Germany essentially lost the Second World War for the very same reason is almost unbelievable. Because the majority of their army still relied on horses and carts for transport (especially in Russia). This knowledge simply compounds the sobering reality that this film leaves us with - we are governed by those least competent to command. They were then. They still are

"Enjoyable. . .Rather generic . .pants. . . Nothing new here . . This was their last chance to get it right. . . misses and fails to hit its target. . .Waste of time. . .Decent striaght to DVD movie . ."

This is a Bulgarian co-production with additional location work on the spectacular isle of Santorini, Greece. If the budget was anything over $3 million it's a miracle.

For that the viewer gets excellent (even unbelievablly good value-for-money) cinematography from Martin Chichov which underpins the director working within those tight budget constraints for what is essentially an 'action' movie. A straight-to-dvd movie. No cinema release here.

Nobody expects Ben Hur and they don't get it.

Under-rated (and sadly under-employed) British RSC classically-trained Dominic Mafham as Major Guy Bidwell is a solid convicing cornerstone for the black ops field commander for the American talent to play around.

On late-night TV I expected a real 'Eastern European' co-pro stinker (a la Steven Seagal) and was pleasantly surprised to find that it is not the case. For a great part because of the cinematography pleases the eye of the beholder while the director attempts to suspend disbelief

Wisely the producers have re-employed both Mafham and the man behind the lens Chichov on the next Sniper franchise exercise the dvd 2016 Sniper Ghost Shooter

Award wins and nominations are the critics injoke punishing any gullible viewers who happen onto this low budget panorama of the jungle - canopy to floor.

If you have ever been into the equatorial jungle once you will never, never ever forget the experience of prickly heat, rashes, bites, itches. Sweat. That's the easy part. Even the super fit quickly get so exhausted they go 'troppo' with the heat and humidity and wander away in a daze, off the track never to be seen again.

In the Solomon Islands two American servicemen went missing in the jungle in WW2. Their bodies were found a week later - not more than 500 meters from their army base - of 500,000 men.

THAT kind of jungle 'feeling' you can never experience on a cinema screen.

The small budget is severely restrictive. Watching somebody stumbling through endless 'green' (unless you're a botanist) without a commentary by David Attenborough is crushingly boring. Interacting with the 'civilisation' he finds not on a distant par with the fabulous lunacy of Klaus Kinski in 'Fitzcarraldo' or Nick Nolte's inspired state of mind in 'Farewell to the King'

Distribution is consigned to low budget TV and cable channels. Recording and fast forward is the only suggestion.

This B&W action film joins the handful of others shot in Phillipines during the early 60's by local producers.

Low budget, with cast of hundreds, and truckloads of blank ammunition, the shootouts are noisy, wild and as chaotic as the direction (or lack thereof) and final editing. Compared with the amateurish battle/action scenes shot in 1968 by Edward Dmytryk in 'Anzio'(with Robert Mitchum and a hugely larger budget) they aren't that bad.

What is of particular interest in this work (and the other films of the period) is the incidental and unintentional documentary value showing how the region, ancient buildings and villages looked in the 1960's. Not much changed from the 1940's.

Shot in wide screen Panavision, some made-for-TV movies look better than this pic when it's shown in the TV safe format. To see it in anything but 2.35:1 is to miss half the cinematic effect. But that really is the biggest problem - most of the battle scenes either through lack of resources or the way they were filmed and edited, are unconvincing.

They shot the film in tropical Northern Queensland, Australia in the 'dry' season and the bright sun, puffly white clouds and lush verdant landscapes suggest this was war in 'paradise'. On some Pacific islands it was. But Guadalcanal is not paradise. It's equitorial and primarily blindingly overcast when it isn't raining. The climate and terrain in the jungles is so oppressive, like Papua New Guinea, equitorial Africa, the Amazon (or Vietnam) that people go mad just by being there and wander off the trail never to be seen again.

Terence Mallick wandered off the trail here, lost the plot and he may never be seen again.

Forget conspiracies! There are. 30 minutes in is a hidden gem of a scene where the director pulls out all the stops when Mel gets the third degree interrogation treatment from Patrick Stewart trying to drown him while strapped to a wheelchair while doped up with a mind-bending truth serum.

Mel goes right off his head, bites his tormentor, boots him in the bollocks then rolls out into a surreal hysterically funny totally over-the-top 'house of horrors' scene with Mel screaming his head off while crashing down a staircase strapped to the wheelchair.

Now all we need is Jamie Leigh Curtis with Mel Gibson pairing up on 'Highway to Hell II' to make everybody's day.

Have we been spoiled by expecting contemporary films (with the exception of porno) to start off with a bang? A blood-splattered wall is all you get here then the pic drifts off into dialogue from there and 15 minutes in and you're still wondering do you give a toss if a serial killer is on the loose, or not because 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' it aint.

Nice to see the colonial Victorian-style weather-board houses of tropical Queensland but sadly nobody was drinking 'XXXX' - the Australian word for beer.

This film defies the usual story line development - where the hero is introduced if not in the opening scene, then the next. Before Jack Lord gets a look in a whole cavalcade of characters has graced the screen, why and wherefore is discussed at length by all and sundry and the dialogue and characterizations is so dated to turn the clock back to the 1940's.

The music, (by Quincy Jones) however, is a hidden gem. Totally cool and laid back jazz. Hip bongos.

The most unexpected plus in this otherwise botched job is seeing the fabulous African railways steam train heading through the veld in the opening scene. After this, however, it's downhill all the way with a basically boring 'deja vu' scenario: megalomanic terrorist uses brainwashed hostages as human suicide bombers. Turn to CNN and it's happening daily for real. Apart from that there's plenty of military hardware mostly wasted in badly filmed action SFX where explosions look more like fireworks.

For the money they could have done much better.

An el cheapo cranked out in Africa in 1989 by the look of it and since then nobody behind the camera seems to have done much since. Small wonder. The trailer however is great. Blood, guts, reptiles and explosions in the jungle. Get 6 six-packs and treat yourself, your partner, and your partner's partner to a liquid lunch with the VHS on the box. The neighbors will never hear the screams.

1870's trailer trash go walkabout in the deserts of southern Spain tracking down Charles Bronson. They talk too much, the 'breed' (as they call him) doesn't talk at all. To think that 'The Wild Bunch' was made at this time shows Michael Winner and Sam Peckinpah were universes away. Better to buy a bottle of cheap Spanish wine than pay good money to rent this nonsense.

How many more movies do we have to endure where the 'hero' is introduced as a stereotyped disorganised twit (nerd) who also happens to have near genius ability? Viewers either picked up on this movie as tops in comedy, or just plain boring and silly. My feeling is it presents elements of the latter two, but despite the mis-directed development of the subject and plot by the writer, the director has to carry the can for what ends up as a botched job. Basically this story and film could have been much better. This story hinges on a few but nonetheless interesting premises, all of which are thrown away by the writer and director. Silliness, neuroses and psychoses are too often misused, or confused with comedy - especially by American writers and directors. To such an extent that many European critics consider anyone living West of Ireland incapable of understanding (or creating) irony or the truly eccentric character. (Gore Vidal, it should be noted has lived most of his life in Rome.) If 'Zero Effect' has been re-written by an Italian and made with Giancarlo Giannini picking up where he left off in 'Sono stato io' ('He was Himself') this film would be so hysterical you'd die.

Even in Italian subtitled in French this flick is hysterically funny, thanks to a totally over-the-top fabulous Giancarlo Giannini. Italian melodramatic comedy at its best. As they say. "See Naples anddDie", well you'll get a hernia watching this oldie but goodie.

Very good work actually. Although sadly Armand Assante seems to be mis-cast. I say sadly because he's a great actor however perhaps it's because we've been so brainwashed by imagery from 2000-year old marble statuary onwards into thinking the 'ancients' must all 'look' heroic - like Arnie, or Sly that Armand just doesn't 'fit' in the scene.

Somebody says, "What a mindjob". It is. And it would have been a lot funnier if a computer simulated reincarnation of Ed Wood had directed it with a cast of freaks. Perfect, however, for our brave new virtual reality world. Long. Boring. Heads and those searching higher planes of consciousness with 'mescalito' should keep a finger on fast forward. Reality might be too much to bare.

Unbelievable action scenes in every sense of the words. Are cops really going to shoot a plane full of holes with passengers inside it? And that's just a start of the silliness. Truly they were so desperate to do another 'Die Hard' they didn't lose the plot. They never had it to start with.

A beautifully (minimally) filmed bore which Treat Williams could have made in a straight-to-video flick for $5 million in Canada and nobody would ever have noticed. Widescreen imagery and Dolby sound wasted on 'character' development and a script with so many holes in the 'disbelief' dept. it doesn't matter because everyone involved is laughing all the way to the bank. Like 'Traffic' it will look so much better in the comfort of your own living room with a can of Boddington's Director's Best Bitter, a bag of Bombay mix and Airwick.