Reviews

Ultraviolet features some of the most incredible action sequences on film, some of the best comic book style cinematography, a kick ass score and a diva licious performance from Jovovich. What it also features which most people will unknowingly pass by. Is a huge social- political subtext with stabs at religion and disease control. Jovovich in a color changing outfit and hair style stars as Violet a young woman who was accidentally turned into a hemophage. The futuristic term for vampire, after the government created a virus that went a muck and ended up infecting a huge portion of the population. After being quarantined, experimented on and her pregnancy terminated she joins the hemophages in a war against humans. Enter Six played confidently by Cameron Bright a young boy whose also a weapon he holds an antogen that can destroy the population. Needless to say everyone is after him, Violet is on her own and protecting him. It's pretty standard stuff but there is a strong maternal instinct seen between the two actors and makes the film much more important. Also separating the film form the usual Hollywood garbage is a undeniable subtext about society. There's a huge religious emphasis in the film from the appearance of crucifixes, color schemes and stigmata. Along with that comes the decision to rally the infected into camps where they disappear courtesy of the gov't. Because after becoming infected your no longer deemed human by society's standards. Also the creation of a virus to control the population is scary stuff but is it really so far from reality. The film asks probing questions sugar coated with flashy action sequences and wondrous cinematography and that is. Utterly breathtaking. From the vivid colors to the camera dynamics the film represents a completely new step in the right direction. As a whole it's a completely original experience. Sadly, most people won't see it as so. Distracted by some bad acting, the unbelievability of the scenario, some hammy dialogue and the disbelief that hot chicks kick butt. People will be turned off. It's a very sad thing though because for all the bad stuff Ultraviolet offers it wins itself over in spades of originality, brilliance and intelligence.

OK so the only reason I even considered seeing this film was because I discovered Ellie Cornell was in it. I love her in Halloween 4 and 5 and than she took a very long break and came back with a very monotone performance in ultra trashy camp fest House of the dead. So I fgured she was in it and could ensure the film some laughs. Sadly, she's only in the first ten minutes though. but the film manages to be unintentionally funny on it's own and in some respects just not that bad. Besides the fact that the characters are dumb as doornails the film features a decent premise, an attractive cast and some good makeup. The direction is pretty bad, but the cinematography and score are surprisingly confident. A young couple on the way to a family gathering get into a small accident in a small town in Mexico. They become stranded there when they find a tortured young woman and their car won't start. they are instructed to stay at the town's hotel for the night while the day of the dead celebration commences. yada-yada- yada. Their friends come and the dead come to life. Nothing to original with a decent crypt- esquire twist. But You've gotta love the hammy dialogue and acting especially between the women in this film, or the old woman with a crazy axe. For the film's biggest laugh check out the blonde girl's escape from the house. Pure camp here people, love it or hate. It is what it is.

FINAL MY ASS...a review for Final Destination 3

There is no doubt in my mind that Final Destination 3 is a bad movie. It features the worst performances of the 3 and takes it's subject matter way to seriously. Unintentionally intended as a dark comedy series the second one had the smarts to have fun with the concept with a winking eye all the while. Add that to the fact that it also managed to take it in a slightly new direction. I wasn't as impressed with the first film as other people although it laid the ground work I felt it was nothing more than a slasher movie with no visible slasher. But the performances added some extra zest and the story was told well. Now with this entry brought to you from the makers of the original and featuring no returning cast members (too bad cause we liked them) we are given a carbon copy version of the first over exaggerated of course with some highlight death sequences. This time around it finds a highly emotional and over acting young woman who has a premonition about a roller coaster ride gone crazy. She of course gets off with a few classmates and they begin to die in brutal ways. And yes they are viciously grotesque this time around. although the opening scene is some what of a disappointment the deaths following it of one dimensional characters are increasingly disturbing and graphic. But thats all the film has to offer. The story is tired and not very involving and a bit confusing to be honest. The dialogue is poorly written and the performances range from humorous to bland. But like most people I found myself cheering at the death sequences. and I guess this type of film is just gory fun and should be taken that way. But i can't help but feel they intended something slightly more memorable for this entry because of all the strenuos and illogical conversations. At one time I had heard that this film was initially supposed to be in 3-D and I believe it more now than ever. 3-D movies aren't usually that great because they spend so much time focusing on the effects . There are a lot of things thrusted toward you at the screen that would have looked great in 3-d but look a bit flat and comical on regular transfer. Oh well I guess they just missed the mark... And as for the film being Final. Final my ass the way they have it going now with no continuation of the other films, it can just happen to new groups of people and go on forever. Hopefully the people that did the second one will return for the fourth which still remains to be the best of the series... and thats not saying a whole lot. **1/2 (out of five)

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The first 20 minutes of the classic 70's shocker When a stranger calls was among the most terrifying ever filmed. But the film quickly fell into putrid nonsense only to pick up some slight fear factor once again in the last ten minutes. The sequel follow in it's predecessor's footsteps it had a killer beginning and than just became a bore afterwards only to end with a bang. So it's safe to say that my expectations weren't very high add that to the fact that Simon West director of the horrid Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was in charge and I pretty much gave up. However, I'm happy to report I was wrong. This new version of "stranger" manages to elaborate on the originals fear. Sure it's not the best movie and it's chock full of standard horror clichés and sound effects but the film certainly delivers. From the moment it horrifyingly begins when a babysitter and her children are brutally murdered next to a carnival it mounts the dread. We than meet Jill Johnson played confidantly by beautiful Camilla Belle. She has just broken up with her boyfriend for kissing her best friend and is grounded because she went way over the minutes on her cell phone. Her punishment is simple to babysit in the middle of nowhere so that she can begin to make some money to pay off the cell phone bill. It starts out scary enough as she circles the huge stylish house and than the phone calls begin asking her if she's checked the children. At first she takes it light hearted enough assuming it's a prank. But than the terror begins to escalate with strange sounds, unexpected visits and more phone calls leading up to a terrifying revelation and some standard issue thriller cat and mouse chasing. Now although not totally successful in it's effect the film cleverly takes the originals terrifying 20 minutes and stretches them out for an hour and 23 minutes. It's short , sweet and terrifying. The film doesn't offer anything new to witness but it offers the standard with zest and confidance and the standard horror house clichés work so well when executed properly. By the numbers with a scream! ***1/2 (out of five)

Dirty Love Dej 2005 Color 95 minutes Comedy Jenny Mccarthy, Carmen Electra, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Kam Heskin, Victor Webtser, Lochlyn Munro and Kathy Griffin star. Written by Jenny Mccarthy Directed by John Mallory Asher Raterd R for strong language, violence, crude humor, sexuality, nudity and drug use It's a dirty shame I went to see this film out of the blue with a couple of friends the same day i found out about it by accident and watched the hilarious trailer. I thought Mccarthy's slight turns in Scream 3 and Scary Movie 3 were hilarious. and I've always loved the bitchy girl sense of humor. Some of the funniest films I've ever seen are The Sweetest Thing, Mean girls, Clueless, etc. Let me start by saying that is film is not for everyone. But for the people that get it and I'm one of them it's absolutely freiggin hilarious. You won't be able to breathe you'll be laughing so hard. Mccarthy's genuine comic genius is brilliantly displayed in this crude feminist flick about broken hearts, lost dignity, failed revenge and new found love.

MCcarthy stars as Rebecca a young woman who just walked in her her hot model boyfriend played by cocky Webtser while he has having sex with some girl. In distress with her smashed heart she moves in with her friends and tries to move on while going on a string of humiliating dates one after another. Now I could really get into the jokes and I could go on for hours. Cause there are so many funny jokes from her period in the supermarket, her hanging breast, a bass fish, a weirdo magician, an ecstasy trip and a falling piano amongst many others. Cutie pie Eddie Kaye Thomas of American Pie fame plays the young man trying to win Mccarthy's bruised heart. Adding some hilarious zest into the mix is the surprisingly comedic Carmen Electra as her ghetto fabulous friend whom think shes a stereo typical black person. The film's main story is a little lame and predictable but the humor isn't. and thats what it's all about. And it's hilarious. Mccarthy and Asher make a wonderful team. It's a shame the film didn't receive a larger push from the small audience I saw it with it sounds like it could have made a piece of the wedding crashers dough. But Dirty Love is a gem thats apart from the rest better than wedding crashers and the lame over rated 40 yr. old Virgin here stands the funniest film of the year!!! Rush out and see it!!! ****(out of five)

THE CORPSE BRIDE Warner Bros 2005 color 83 minutes Musical/Fantasy featuring the voices of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter Directed by Tim Burton Rated PG for adult themes Hot off the creative gem remake Charlie and the Chocalate Factory Burton returns to his artistically drab Nightmare before Christmas roots for a pleasant if over hyped excursion into the after life. Corpse Bride tells the tale of a nervous gentleman wonderfully modeled after Johnny Depp who gets cold feet on his wedding rehearsal and while practicing in the woods accidentally marries the corpse bride. a young woman whom met an early demise on her wedding day. There is obviously lots of singing and macabre gimmicks as he tries to escape her and return to his real fiancée. The movie is littered with creative ideas and imagination galore. But it ends up a little on the shallow side when it comes to feeling like a complete film. Although hauntingly beautiful and a glorious technical achievement topping nightmare before Christmas's wizardy the film relies too much on it's underdeveloped characters and storyline to pull it's weight through. In the end it remains nothing more than brilliantly artistic, souless but a hauntingly beautiful piece of artwork. But it's a nice one indeed. ***(out of five)

FLIGHTPLAN Touchstone/Imagine 2005 color Mystery-Thriller 89 minutes Jodie Foster, Pter Sarsgaard and Sean Bean star. Written by Peter A. Dowling and Billy Ray Directed by Robert Schwentke Rated PG-13 for language and violence Jodie Foster stars in the new mystery thriller Panic Room I mean Red Eye oops wait I mean Flight Plan. This safe little foray into overused predicaments has Hollywood stamped all over it. Indeed the film makes for a worthwhile night out at the movies. But doesn't carry much luggage when it comes to a worthwhile script, surprising twists or even convincing performances sorry Ms. Foster. Despite the comfortability of the material the director somehow manages to under direct his own concept and leave his cast looking bewildered in search of a much more exciting film. Foster decently stars as Kyle a young woman whose just lost her husband in a horrible accident. She boards a flight plane with her daughter home that she designed to bury her husband back in the states. They fall asleep, she awakes only to find her daughter missing. She searches the plane and is told that her daughter has died. With impounding streams of mental illness she questions her sanity but still feels that her daughter is not dead. The film's concept is decent but lacks any true effect. It isn't especially suspenseful and not very memorable. The surprise twist is somewhat lame and predictable. While not particularly special the film is far from being bad most of the mediocre acting has to do with the restrained and tightened direction. At a short 89 minutes the film feels a bit too long . Sean Bean is the plane's Capt. and Sean Bean reprises his role from the much better Skeleton Key. Comparisons to this year's wonderful Red Eye are undeniable as well comparisons to Foster's other film Panic Room. Although no where in the same league as Red Eye the film fares slightly better than Panic Room. The thing you have to understand about Flightplan is that this film is a safe flight. it's been tailor made by Hollywood to make money nothing is too vulgar, or surprising or even clever enough to be confusing. The film lacks any real artistry or conviction. Sure it looks good enough and the movie is just good enough but hey being a film maker there is a decision you can make if you want to make a film with meaning or a popcorn flick. Although this is definitely a popcorn flick it's light on the butter. and without the extra fatty contents it's just not enjoyable enough. *** (out of five)

TRANQUIL SOB...a review for Cry Wolf Cry Wolf Columbia/Rogue 2005 Color 92 minutes Horror-Thriller Julian Morris, Lindy Booth, Jared Padalecki, Jon Bon Jovi, Gary Cole and Jesse Janzen star.

Written by Beau Bauman and Jefferey Wadlow Directed by Jeffrey Wadlow Rated PG-13 for some language, violence and gore Cry Wolf is more like a tranquil sob. The PG-13 rears it's ugly head for good reason in this decent teen horror thriller with a lot of cool ideas and not enough impact. Lindy Booth of Wrong Turn and Dawn of the Dead remake fame stars as Dodger, a young woman whom organizes lying games at her school. Beautiful pretty boy Julian Morris stars as Owen the new transfer at the school. For fun, her and her friends invite the new boy along to play. They decide to create a massive email concerning the murder of a townie that appears at the beginning of the film. They supposedly create a killer with dire circumstances as the prank supposedly becomes real. Everything is questionable in this film and thats for the good. It has some nice little twists and a tight ending. But the film blunts it's impact every step of the way. instead of relishing in it's target genre. And accommodating itself with harsher dialogue, sex appeal and more suspense. It teeters along the way exposing one plot line after another with little to no effect. The movie instead ends up as an interesting homage to better horror films. Although much better than the Urban Legend and it's clones. Cry Wolf does lack gore but thats not it's problem it lacks maturity when dealing with it's storyline and the performances are definitely a cut above field but the initial impact of whats happening and why seems tranquil and effortless. With a little more punch this could've been a kick ass little horror flick. Although advertised as a slasher flick the film has little to do with that genre and lends itself more towards a suspenseful drama with horror touches here and there. Rounding out the pretty cast are stud Jared Padalecki of the wonderful remake House of Wax and hot bad boy Jesse Janzen. Jon Bon Jovi also stars in the film looking bored as a questionable professor. But Booth is the real star here she delivers the film's final twist with pizazz and talent. She needs to look for more of a powerful star vehicle for her self. She was definitely on her way with the excellent underrated Wrong Turn and kick ass remake Dawn of the Dead. she needs to ride the brutal horror wave and gain a following. I'm sure the film will fare better on video and DVD it's a good film but just not very memorable.

***(Out of five)

So wheel in the schmaltz people. Just Like Heaven's tagline reads it'a wonderful afterlife. And indeed it is although not very believable with some huge plot holes and logic lapses this type of film only works if you just let it all go and succumb to it. Although a bit sillier than most, it also manages to pull out more laughs. Courtesy of Mean Girls and Freaky Friday director Mark Waters. He keeps things moving along entertainingly so you don't have a lot of time to question the film's shallow reality. Witherspoon and Ruffalo make a fine screen couple there chemistry is acceptable and each of them does extremely well with their parts. They are the real reason this film works so well they deliver the laughs as well as the tears. Witherspoon stars as Elizabeth Masterson a young doctor on her way up she works 26 hour shifts and has no room for her personal life. One day while driving home she is hit by a truck. Months later Ruffalo moves into her fully furnished apartment ad begins to conversate with her ghost. After convincing her that she's a spirit they go on a yellow brick quest to discover her whereabouts. Along the way they run into a bunch of funny scenarios and characters and you guessed it ultimately end up falling for each other. It's pretty predictable people and there are no real surprises in this film. Especially a big twist which you should get in the first 15 minutes. But it moves along well and features a talented cast and entertaining direction. the cinematography is warm and dreamlike and the soundtrack is full of familiar pop hits to sing along too. So wheel in the schmaltz cause this film is schmaltzy but it's a welcome feeling. Like those silly but memorable 80's-90's movies we all grew up with (Date with an angel, Ghost) this is a lite fluffy classic for loads of dates to enjoy! ****(out of five)

Venom Dimension 2005 color 85 minutes Horror-Thriller Agnes Bruckner, Johnathan Jackson, Laura Ramsey, D.J. Cotrona, Rick Cramer, Megan Good, Bijou Phillips, Method Man, Pawel Szajda and Stacey Travis star. Directed by Jim Gillespee Written by Brandon Boyce and Flint Dille Produced by Kevin Williamson Rated R for strong language, graphic violence and lots of gore Miramax's genre division Dimension has to be the absolute dumbest company. It's true what you've heard Venom is no masterpiece but it's far from being a disaster. It's a decent film with some great scenes and ideas. It would've certainly been a bankable film. Definitely an audience film, filled with Oh my God frantic jolts, sweaty palm inducing suspense and loads of dumb character stereotypes we've all grown to love. Because without them horror movies just wouldn't exist. So dimension finished this film and fast tracked it for a September release instead of taking a bit more time to develop it slightly and marketing it better so people actually know it exists. I mean why even bother making it if your not going to promote it. Well anyways, on to the movie Venom is a fun little thrill ride. The story is a little contrived ringing continuously true out of I know what you did last summer land mixed with the skeleton key and just a dash of Texas Chainsaw. Massacre. As the film begins we are introduced to a bunch of annoying kids all of whom you pretty much want to die except for a few cute guys. There is a town bad ass named Ray whom the kids tease and one night while riding her bike(because she's saving money for med school) home Eden (By far the worst name for a white character or anyone for that matter) has a run in with her ex boyfriend because of college reasons and becomes part of an accident involving a creepy old woman, Ray and a devilish suitcase. A suitcase that holds a group of snakes that hold the souls of the worst of men murderers, rapists, etc. So ray gets bit a lot before drowning and comes back as an uber human killer trying desperately to get to the old womans grand daughter and the group of friends for no particular reason. There's lots of fun stuff thrown in including loud sound effects,sparklingly clear cinematography, unexpected scares and some creative death sequences. All of that makes for a great but not completely memorable time. It's substance in where the film's major problem lies. It doesn't really have any. We don't know the characters and they're all horrible actors reacting wrongly to the situations. There is no real plot development or story buildup so it's hard to care for anyone or even know whats going on. The film also comes equipped with that annoying flashy editing that I hate so much. However the good outweighs the bad and Venom makes for a fun night out at the movies especially with a date. The main villain is haunting, and the cast is full of hot guys adorable Johnathan Jackson from Tuck Everlasting, Sexy D.J. Cotrona from TV's short lived but excellent series Skin. And last but not least Pawel Szajda that hunky young man from Under the Tuscan sun. The girls are less memorable some of them are mildly attractive and Bruckner does badly as the film's heroine but kicks it up a slight notch in the last reel. And about the last reel, this film has a killer last reel. It's quite Brutal filled with edgy, grainy cinematography reminiscent of 70's horror films. So all in all go into Venom with mediocre expectations and expect to be entertained . It's been quite a while since I've seen so many horror films(House of wax, Chainsaw remake, Dawn remake, exorcism of Emily rose, Hellbent, etc.) with such a brutal bite as the ones they've been releasing. It reminds of me of the 80's when I grew up it was a damn fun time! Keep'em coming guys! ***(out of five)

Hellbent Regency 2004 Color 85 minutes Gay-Horror Dylan Fergus, Bryan Kirkwood, Hank Harris, Andrew Levitas, Matt Phillips and John P. Petrelli star. Written and Directed by Paul Etheridge-Ouzts Rated R for graphic violence, gore, nudity, language and drug use Finally homo-horror rears it's cute little head from behind the genre divide. I was lucky enough to attend this film courtesy of tickets from Camp Blood. Upon entering the fully packed theater as loads of people couldn't get in that were eagerly awaiting the screening outside. It hit me, this is it and I'm so excited. Being that I am a huge horror fan and a gay man I have been eagerly awaiting this film for quite some time. A film that combines my lifestyle with the thrills I've become so accustomed to cherishing over the years. So as I sat down the films promotion manager came up and introduced the film. He said I'm so happy all of you could be here to see the movie, I hope all of you like it and if you do tell your friends. And if you don't just say it was challenging. The audience giggled along with me and my friends and the lights dimmed. We were first shown a trailer of another homo horror film hitting theaters soon Dante's Cove witch looked more like a skin flick to be honest. not that I'm complaining but it got me worrying a little I was hoping Hellbent would be something more than just pretty flesh on view. I can happily say that it was. After a silly beginning featuring two hot guys getting it on and getting murdered. It was off to meet our main characters. First up gorgeous pretty boy Eddie played by the Passions Dylan Fergus. He's the Jamie Lee Curtis of the film, the somewhat virginal victim. Throwing off sex and drugs in search of a bad boy hunk he saw at the local tattoo parlor. That bad boy hunk is Jake played by sexy as hell Bryan Kirkwood of The Forskaen a scruffy, tattooed, tough boy protecting a wounded heart. Than there are his friends Joey played by adorable Hank Harris of Pumpkin the naive twinkie cutie of the group swooning over a crush on a deliciously hot jock boy. Bisexual Chazz played by yummy poster boy Andrew Levitas of Psycho beach Party (Provolonie) your basic friendly but whorishly natured player. And finally last but not least there's the model Tobey whose dressed up as a drag queen for Halloween hoping someone will notice something about him besides his looks played by heartthrob Matt Phillips. But wait there's the villain shirtless, mostly in the dark with ripped six pack abs, a devils mask and love for decapitations and eye gouging played by the brutally handsome John P. Petrelli. Along they go on their escapade to the Halloween carnivale in West Hollywood. Hoping for fun and hot guys they end up being stalked and systematically slaughtered one by one by a pointless but amusing killer. And this film is just entertainment, it's fun. there's lots of eye candy, creatively brutal and gory death sequences and manages to generate a good amount of old fashioned suspense and laughs. It plays a lot like a Friday the 13th sequel with an all male cast. And all though this is a film about gay men it's not a gay film. This is a horror film cut and dry and any real horror fan won't have a problem admitting to it. It's obvious that it was done on a low budget, but despite the poor film quality the film is smart and energetic fully delivering on it's promises as a brutal horror film that features gay characters. Hopefully the film will make some sort of impact, from the audience reaction I think it has quite a future to look forward to. A definite big time cult movie. It has hot boys, gruseome deaths and jolts galore. Let in the fun and go find Hellbent. A traditional tthrowback to the heart of the genre a film that generates goose bumps, laughs, sex appeal and good old fashioned slasher/horror! ****(out five) Richard Cavellero Metuchen,NJ

The Exoricism of Emily Rose is such a success on so many levels. Most of which graduate it's stellar cast and makers into Oscar worthy territory. Fabuolus Jennifer Carpenter of the less impressive White Chicks makes here real film debut here as the scariest possessed girl ever put on film(Linda Blair take a hike). She stars as Emily Rose a naive, quiet young girl in her freshman year at college. On a weekend alone she is supposedly attacked by demonic forces and becomes possessed. The film takes place in the aftermath of her failed exorcism and death. The Priest Father Moore played beautifully by Tom Wilkinson has been put away for her murder. Laura Linney gives her most powerful performance as his attorney whom is agnostic and questions his and her beliefs. The film doesn't lean in any particular direction and saves the big questions open for you to answer. It's been a long time since I've seen such an abdunce of talent and intelligence thrown into a horror picture. And don't be mistakened it is a horror picture and a scary one at that. What horror is on film is portrayed poetically and realistically and the courtroom scenes are played with the same pizazz. This will be the film to make everyone question their beliefs. What really happened to Emily Rose? Was she possessed? Or was it a medical Condition? Are their things such as demons? And god and the devil? Should we be scared? Well I have to say I'm leaning more towards yes after this movie. I went in as a non believer and came back questioning and wanting to reestablish my faith. Besides wonderful turns from the expected performers such as Wilkinson and Linney who should receive an Oscar nomination. Carpenter is a real find she's one hell of a screamer and with hardly any use of spfx she manages to look frighteningly possessed. A true breakout star making performance. The script is tight intelligent and wonderfully adapted. And the director whom is graduating from less respectable films such as Urban Legends: Final Cut and Hellraiser: Inferno makes quite an impression here and seems like he's been doing it forever. This should be a breakout hit from audience reaction and should garner a handful of awards from the fabulous work that was invested. So I dare you to go and question your beliefs and witness the exorcism of Emily rose. One of the best films of the year! ****1/2 (out of five)

he Transporter 2 Fox 2005 Color 76 minutes Action Jason Statham, Amber Valetta, Kate Nauta, Matthew Modine and Alessandro Gassman star. Directed by Louis Leterrier Written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen Produced by Luc Besson Rated PG-13 for language, violence and sexuality Absurdity is taken to a whole new level in this wasted vehicle for hot boy Jason Statham. Reprising his role from the first one as Frank Martin a special kind of "driver" whose current mission is chauffeuring a high profile child "Pacifier" style. The kid of course ends up being kidnapped which culminates in a bunch of ridiculously over the top, across the mountain, down the river action sequences. Striking very similar to this year's supreme action bomb the horrid XXX state of the union. The only thing this film has going for it is Jason Statham, hard bodied and charismatic as ever but it's not enough to save the film from falling into utter boredom. The first Transporter worked because of Stathams presence, his kick ass attitude and explosive sex appeal. The original film was already quite unbelievable but ultimately entertaining and cool. This one is ten times more unbelievable and just not cool. the same thing that grounded the XXX sequel in it's laughable territory from it's mediocre predecessor. What this film does have that XXX 2 didn't is Jason Statham. Because Ice Cube is absolutely no substitute. Which drives this overall film from the tall turkey category to a watchably laughable one instead. I'm not going to even touch the acting which ranges from presence( Statham) to bad (Modine) to awful (Valetta) to absolutely horrid (Nauta and Gassman). However Nauta really takes the cake here with masculine and unattractive features. Coupled with her annoying one liners, lack of sex appeal or any appeal at all. She delivers one of the most annoying and overly contrived characters ever appearing on film. She's that bad. As for the people involved like the wonderful Luc Besson whose producing skills can go either way and the director of the magnificent Unleashed Louis Leterrier fail themselves and their fans with wads of wasted potential. And as for the sequences which range from flying out windows to catch antidotes in mid air during traffic, riding a water surfer on dry land in traffic, knocking a bomb off the bottom of your car mid air with a hanging construction hook and a horrid opening sequence that doesn't even make any sense. It's pretty skippable people but if you must, entertain a DVD rental and leave your money stacked firmly in your pocket. Cause this wasted vehicle is out of gas and the scary thing is they leave an opening for a follow up sequel. Hopefully it's better or otherwise they need to put this faulty franchise out of it's misery. ** (out of five)

NOT WORTH THE WAIT...a review for The 40 yr. old Virgin

The 40 yr. old Virgin Universal 2005 Color 116 mins. Comedy Steve Carrell, Catherine Keneer, Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks and Kat Dennings star. Written by Judd Apatow and Steve Carrell Directed by Judd Apatow Rated R for raunchy language,sexuality, nudity, drug use and vulgar toilet humor. After a few good reviews and some once trusted recommendations I persuaded myself to attend a mid afternoon screening of the late summer comedy hit the 40 yr. old virgin. I went with my very good friend Melanie who can make anything into a good time. Despite the trailer making it look somewhat entertaining I just got a bad feeling about it and decided to skip it and see Red Eye a few more times. Boy was I right! Joining the ranks of other uncomfortable comedies such as The American Pie trilogy, The Meet the Parents films and The Analyze This films among others. Now don't get me wrong this is not a wretched review for this film. it's not a bad film it's just far from being a good one. Steve Carrell of Anchorman fame stars as Andy Stitzer. A homebody, sweetheart of a guy whose a 40 yr. old virgin. he spends his time working as the stock manager at a electronics store, collecting toys, doing solo karaoke, reading comic books and riding his bike. He tries his best not to interact with very many people especially the opposite sex. Than one night when the guys are short one for poker. They invite him along and discover his big secret. Immediately becoming alarmed they decide to take action and influence him to loose his virginity as quickly as possible. Crude situations follow. And this film is crude. Thats mainly the reason why it exists. The depiction of virginity, women, sexual intercourse and humanity are all degraded to the fullest. And not with a winking eye or guilty chuckle but with a devilish stare none the less. Carrells characters is put through one humiliating situation after another. Now I never get offended and when I do there is good reason. I know people like the title character and although I myself am not a virgin I do hold their decisions in high regard. And I would never endorse anything that exploits that, especially for trashy, mindless humor. To assume that you can take an individuals physical awkwardness towards their sexual awakening personally insults me. And than to handle it's touchy subject matter so shamelessly and carelessly with not a speck of originality or intelligence. The film packs it's sluggishly paced 2 hours with raunchy language, ridiculously drawn life lessons, nauseating bathroom humor and immature revelations. Add that with a particularly lame chemistry free romance between the underused Keneer and Carrell and the finished product is one of regret. Although not a total waste of film Carrell's performance is one of comedic promise still and he must search for a better comedic vehicle.Despite all the film's problems there are a few gags that still inspire a giggle or two. But in the end the 40 yr. old Virgin is just a mediocre lay a grouping of wasted potential. What could've been a heartfelt, hilarious little comedy. ends up being an immature, chauvinistic romp that lacks any real conviction in it's subject matter and the laugh department. My suggestion is if you must wait for DVD and catch The Wedding Crashers again cause this film just ain't worth the wait. ** (out of five)

Sound of Thunder Warner Bros. 2005 Color 109 minutes Sci-Fi/Action Edward Burns, Catherine Mcormack and Ben Kingsley star. Written by Ray Bradbury and Thomas Dean Donnely Directed by Peter Hyams Rated PG-13 for partial nudity, violence and language Evolve or Die. The tag line reads on the poster I'm not sure I agree with it or the release of this film in theaters. But here it is nonetheless. Directed by End of Days and Relic Helmer Peter Hyams Sound of Thunder is quite an exciting movie minus the special effects. It's no doubt that the film had a Rather large budget and they completely used it in the wrong way. So before I get into the pros and obvious cons of the film let me just describe to you what it's about. Deleciously sexy Edward Burns stars as Travis Ryer a big shot scientist in 2055 that leads expedition/safaris in the prehistoric era to hunt dinosaurs. Catherine Mcormack is wonderfully smart and sarcastic as Sonia Rand the woman who invented the super computer and the technology that makes the jumps possible. she is however completely against her technology being used in such a money making way. While on a relatively routine trip an accident occurs and someone has an accident and ends up altering the past. Because of the action it begins to change time as we know it through through edition of freakish matrix inspired time waves that allows time to catch up eventually. The results are horrid as at first the climate changes, and than vegetation and plant life and finally the more complex organisms that are created because of the miss step. Interesting is'nt it. Now for the pros. The film is competently directed. The story is interesting, creative and original. The acting is decent-to good with the exception of a horridly over the top turn from once great actor Ben Kingsley. The score is exciting and the film is suspenseful, action-packed and feverishly paced. Now for the cons. The story is of course delivered in a somewhat unbelievable fashion. But yet it's still acceptable. The big problem here is the awful special effects. And they are awful. God awful. Some of the worst I've seen this side of Anacondas and Boa Vs. Python. It's obvious that the budget was a hefty sum because of the set design. But I guess they just went into overkill with their ideas because In the end the audience ends up with a rough cut of a good movie with spectacular potential. Now it's hard to pass over the effects because the movie is somewhat effects driven but me and my friend managed to separate ourselves from the paste on picturesque backgrounds and CGI monsters to endure some good storytelling, competent film making and elaborate action and suspense sequences. I must say that I throughly enjoyed this film, I really did. Edward Burns is magnificently sexy, drool worthy and they manage some nice close ups of him in his boxers shirtless. Catherine Mccormack is beautifully believable and entertaining as his female co-star and check out the subway sequence and the weird crazy monkey reptiles, exciting, scary stuff people. The important thing with watching this film is to leave your brain and your judge mental eyes at the door. It should fare better ron video and because of the final fx belongs there. But too sad for Warner Bros. They could've had a huge summer hit on their hands had they invested a bit more money. Oh well their loss. Still my gain. I don't care what anyone says Sound of Thunder=Sound of excitement. ***1/2 out of five

EXPLORING NEW DEPTHS...a review for The Cave

The Cave Columbia/Screen Gems 2005 Color 109 mins. Action-Horror Cole Hauser, Piper Perabo, Eddie Cibrian, Lena Headey and Morris Chestnut star. Directed by Bruce Hunt Rated PG-13 for language, violence and gore ***1/2(out of 5) First time helmer Bruce Hunt who was the second unit director on the Matrix films makes a valiant effort with the action horror spectacle The Cave. Brimming with classic suspense, an interesting story with a few unpredictable twists, decent performances, beautiful cinematograpghy and set design (I'm talking Oscar worthy) and taut direction this monster mayhem fest manages to reach new depths and be a cut above the rest. Sexy as Hell Cole Hauser( 2 fast 2 furious, Paparazzi) leads the cast of expert cave diving hotties which include feisty and surprising Piper Perabo (Coyote Ugly), drool worthy Eddie Cibrian(Third Watch), whiny Lena Headey(Gossip) and delecious Morris Chestnut(Anacondas). The film starts off thirty years ago ago as a group of explorers decide to explore a cave with a mythical history lying under a church. They are never heard from again. 30 years later the crew is brought together to explore the mmonstrous cavern. Soon after a tragic accident involving horrific subterrainian creatures leave them stranded together underground. Instead of staying still and awaiting their doom they decide to explore the caverns and try and find another way out before there supplies run out. But something awaits them in the dark. Something monstrous, something hungry. The film is a fairly standard horror pic reminiscent of other underwater thrillers such as Levaiathan and Deep star six. Although it never reaches those entertaining depths it does manage to go in a completely opposite direction and explore new depths of originality. Ultimately just a rip of Alien. Hunt starts the film fairly slow trying desperately to build the characters and their relations. He succeeds somewhat but the film really doesn't grab your interest in any way. Besides the apparent eye candy the film is terribly sluggish in it's first half. Than something interesting happens the action picks up, we care about the characters and there's suddenly a truckload of suspense thats unleashed. Boiling over with exciting action sequences and interesting plot twists the film begins to become one hell of an edge of your seat nail biter. On a technical level the film is photographed beautifully. The underwater cinematograpghy as well as the cave's set design is absolutely extraordinary and breath taking. Mixed with a bundle of structured colors and film textures the film presents itself as a mosaic work of art. Hunt does well with his first outing but leaves room for much improvement some of his editing and directorial choices seem slightly lacking in pace, believability and continuity. However in a film like this lapses in logic are to be expected and to fully enjoy this film and all it has to offer you just need to let yourself go. Also credit must be given for a film of it's subject matter to be played straight forward with hardly any humor. So that we can take the film as seriously and realistically as possible. The only real problem the film has is the insepid and unnecessary conclusion involving a clichéd and unbelievable twist. All in all a positive victory for all involved and a welcome addition to it's genre.

THE SUMMERS GREATEST FLIGHT...A review for Red Eye Red Eye Dreamworks 2005 Color 87 mins.

Action-Thriller Rachael McAdams, Cillian Murphy and Brian Cox star.

Directed by Wes Craven Rated PG-13 for language, violence and intense suspense.

Holy crap I just came from a showing of the new Wes Craven flick Red Eye and I must say without a doubt that not only is it the most entertaining film of the year, the summer and possibly the decade but this film may be the years best. Rachael McAdams gives a tour de force as the films title character Lisa. A young woman returning from her grandmothers funeral who ends up taking the Red Eye flight back home to Miami. She ends up befriending another creepily seductive passenger played wonderfully by Cillian Murphy whose also waiting with her for the delayed flight. Starting off as sort of a romantic comedy the film features a lot of comically disengaging moments so that it can keep you at ease before letting loose the phenomenal suspense it has up it's sleeve. She soon realizes and I'm not giving anything away the trailer doesn't that the man sitting next to her has taken her father hostage and will kill him unless she helps him with a plan to kill people. Sound hokey, it is a little but it is so expertly executed. I could go on forever about how freaking great this film is. The acting is top notch, Wes Craven's directing is taut, intelligent and his best. The script is smart and engaging. The film is stylishly shot with a adrenaline pumping score. This film has it all in a tight little package. But don't mistaken this film for anything more than it is a popcorn powerhouse with moderate political undertones. Everyone involved has fashioned an edge of your seat, sweaty palm inducing thrill ride that becomes the film equivalent of an energy drink entitled Red Bull. It will pick you up, keep you going, and keep the momentum up far long after it's over. I cant wait to see it again.

A

Universal 2005 color/B&W Horror-Thriller Kate Hudson, Peter Sarsguard, Gena Rowlands, John Hurt and Joy Bryant star. Written by Ehren Kruger Directed by Iain Softley Rated PG-13 contains language,violence, gore and partial nudity. I just came from seeing the new Kate Hudson chiller The Skeleton Key and I must say that I'm impressed. You want original. You want creative. You want smart. You want scary. You want suspense. You want this film. Hudson stars in top notch form as Caroline a young woman whom takes up a job with an elderly man and woman to care for the man because he's dying after having a mysterious stroke. She moves into a Texas Chainsaw style house in the Louisianna bayou brimming with history, creaky floors and odd occurrences. She morphs into a little detective and begins convincing herself slowly of the houses disturbing history, a black magic religion and the fact that it just may be haunted. And that's all I'm giving away. Because this movie is toppling over with unpredictable plot twists and a killer ending that will have people talking for months to come. Iain Softley of Hackers and K-Pax directs with a passionate spooky, old-fashioned zest he keeps things suspenseful with a few shocks and intelligent pacing. The best thing about this film is the fact that you feel so smart watching it you are Caroline and as she discovers things so do you instead of knowing about them and just waiting for her character to catch up. The movie moves slowly in it's first two thirds mounting the suspense, building the tension with a brooding score, Oscar calibur camera work and drear inducing cinematography. The performances are fantastic as well Hudson is wonderfully scared in the film's lead she makes her character likable and endearing, Rowlands is one creepy broad, Hurt is mute and transits more terrified emotion through his face than most people have ever done in a horror film. Even Peter Sarsgard as the family's hunky lawyer and spunky Joy Bryant give winning supporting performances. So there it is people. A Horror film thats a rare thing. One brimming with intelligence, sweaty palm inducing suspense, nightmarish shocks, winning performances and a killer ending. the only fault the film slightly has in it's simplistic horrific brilliance is the tales from the cryptish last frame but it still soars high above it's competition and more than makes up for it in the rest of the film. So go see it, right now!The Key to good horror!THE SKELETON KEY. A-

Dukes of Hazzard Warner Bros. 2005 Color 113 mins. Action-Comedy Johnny Knoxville, Sean William Scott, Jessica Simpson, Willy Nelson, Burt Reynolds and Lynda Carter star. Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar Written by Gy Waldron Rated PG-13 for language, violence and drug references. Wow! I just returned from seeing dukes of Hazzard and I just have to say Whew Dark Water your in the clear. Dukes of Hazzard has taken over as the worst film of the summer. Besides the fact that Jessica Simpson has the acting range of a used sanitary napkin. This film manages to be about nothing annoyingly and completely. Now in the fan of the show's defense I must say that I've never seen the actual series. but as a person whose just watching this movie if thats what you want to call it. It's one big mess. Let's get to the pathetic plot line concerning the Dukes cousins played lamely by Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott who come across an evil plan by Boss Hogg with a horrifically plastic turn by Burt Reynolds to take their small town and turn it into a coal mine. They've managed to block this flow of important information from the entire town by holding an all attention grabbing redneck race of a former hometown superstar racer and the other racing kin from the town. Yes thats what it's really about. And it's handled so absurdly. It's truly a stab at any type of rational thought. There really is no purpose to this film. It's like saying that everyone is really dumb and the supposed evil money making people are just a bit smarter than the other really dumb rednecks. Now let's get into this cast. The reason, the only two reasons I stayed til the end were for delicious Johnny Knoxville and scorching Sean William Scott. there is unfortunately no bare skin in the film except that of cinematic tart dud Jessica Simpson whom plays Daisy Duke. The duo's feisty smart cousin who figures out the plans and uses here sex appeal to get whatever she wants until she's stumped when she just can't use it. Willy Nelson is also equally eccentric and boring as Uncle Jessie. Now I'll state again that this film has no point and in some movies like Fast and the Furious and XXX it's acceptable because the action scenes are entertaining. But this dud doesn't even have that the car chases are boring and repetitive and the movie is sloppily filmed. So here it is folks bad acting, bad direction, bad story, bad cinematography=BAD MOVIE. Don't waste your time on this tragedy for Knoxville skin watch a much more entertaining film entitled Jackass, yeah thats right Jackass and for Williams skin watch The Rundown, yes the Rundown that mediocre Rock action flick. This movie is sure to set back women, men, animals, film making, mankind back 20 yrs. It's a travesty to all rational patterns of thought and degrading in every way from objectifying women to dumbing down men even more and destroying any hope for the summer to go out with a bang. Thanks a lot! Piece of Crap! D

George A. Romero's Land of the Dead Universal 2005 Color 83 mins. Horror-Thriller Asia Argento, Simon Barker, John Lequizamo and Dennis Hopper star. Writtena nd Directed by George A. Romero Rated R for graphic violence and gore, nudity and drug use. So it's been like 20 yrs. since the grand daddy of the living dead has released one of these gorefests. Now I must say before I get started that I've never much cared for the original Night or Dawn and I just thought Day was pretty good. But I do tend to like zombie flicks. Night remake, Dawn remake, Resident Evil films, 28 days later, Shaun of the Dead, etc. But just not necessarily the Romero ones. However after watching this film i finally realized how much credit this man, this artist deserves. And too love any aspect of any zombie film which is good and asks you too scratch beneath the surface and see its true meaning is because of Romero. As a kid these films always scared me the most cause there was always so many of them and so few of us. It was overwhelming nightmarish odds. A pack of hungry predators looking to indulge in your flesh. It seemt impossible to escape because either you'd be bombarded and eaten or worse turned into one of them. They always ended in a bleak depressing fashion. Making you loose all hope. Romero's new film Land is the realization of that nightmare. There are only really two words to describe this film kick ass. The film follows the original dead trilogy as we open on a world filled with the undead. in the middle of the zombie chaos lies a well lit sky rise in a city surrounded by fences and water. A seemingly perfect safe haven from the flesh eaters. A place where the people are divided into two groups the rich and the poor. At this time, the dead begin to evolve and decide to march towards the city in an effort to extinguish their murderers. Sounds a little tricky too execute such a hokey concept. well get ready to be impressed cause this guy Romero does it. As with any of Romeros films its not necessarily whats in front of you. But what lies beneath the surface. And this one is filled to the rim with post 911 social commentary. as well as statements about greed, racism, class and equality amongst other things.Surprisingly intelligent and well written this movie makes quite the impression. Sexy Simon Barker of the Ring 2 gives a reassuringly macho performance as the films lead and Hottie cult favorite Asia Argento spices up the screen in a memorably strong role. The acting all around is top notch with nice turns from the supporting cast Lequizamo and Hopper for a film like this. i mean whom goes to horror films for great performances well there are a couple right here. Romero throws around many ideas and statements most of which are highly successful. The direction is tight and interesting, the score is haunting and the cinematograpghy is crisp and Gothic. And the gore oh yes the gore is there with some interesting additions to his nightmarish collection of moments (look out for the priest zombie). The film is also pretty scary with an overwhelming sense of dread, loaded with tease shocks and every horror fans dream deliveries. The only problem the film runs into is it's length at a disappointing 83 mins. But it's a great 83 mins. I mean you have to give credit to a guy that is willing to take risks with his comeback he could have delivered a safe little money making zombie flick. A guy whom hasn't made a mainstream movie in 20 yrs. and impresses us with this seemingly independent powerhouse genre picture. All hail to Romero one director whose not afraid to make something truly original. A

Bewitched Columbia 2005 Color 106 mins. Romantic-Comedy Nicole Kidman, Wil Ferell, Shirly Maclaine and Michael Caine star. Directed by Nora Ephron Rated PG for adult themes I'm one Nicole kidman's biggest fans. i think shes absolutely amazing she always excels her source material and makes anything shes in worth watching until now. This reinvention of the classic TV series is an insipid mess of chemistry free romance and sordid wannabe laughs. My expectations weren't high going into the film but I go see everything Ms. Kidman is in but to be completely honest shes getting harder to defend. She stars as Isabel a witch who has decided to give up the craft and become normal. Until shes approached by failed actor Jack Wyatt played over the top by Ferell. he basically ends up taking advantage and using her not knowing what she really is and when he finds out after beginning to fall for her, he freaks out. this is pretty basic stuff except for the clever approach to the material. Good ideas are wasted in a mixture of scenes with no fluidity to them. Kidman of course does her best with the material and Ferell gives it all he's got. but the material just doesn't work and with the accompaniment of confused direction it borders on being a complete and utter disaster. but still in the midst of the wreckage the film has moments that are inspired and memorable. but ultimately the film as a whole is just magic less. Better luck next time Nicole. C+

The War of the Worlds Dreamworks/Paramount 2005 Color 117 mins. Sci-fi/Action Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, Tim Robbins and Miranda Otto star. Directed by Steven Spielberg Written by H.G. Wells Rated PG-13 for terror, brutality, violence and gore. OK so who knew Mr. Speilvberg still had this in him. After the lame lineup of films he's turned out lately. It's surprising for him or even a big studio to go forth and make mega budget Horror flick. And thats what precisely this is. Don't be fooled this film is brutal like Saving Private Ryan brutal when Spielberg makes a film about way, he makes a film about war. Tom Cruise looking handsome as ever and in his best performance to date stars as the films central character. A middle class father whom is taking care of his daughter and son for the weekend. While their mother and her new beau head on over to her parents in Boston. All in the same day he gets off work and comes home to his resistant kids and the invasion begins. With a mounting sense of dread the film explodes into a full out brutal extermination. The aliens attack in their 50's movies inspired vehicles and decimate the population while him and his kids race cross country to find their mother in Boston. This is without a doubt the best film of the summer. It is also pretty much the best film of the year. Spielberg keeps things smart and engrossing. The movie is a sweaty palm inducing nightmare that only loses its nerve in the last act. Had the film had a bleak ending like everyone thought it may have been of the most disturbing films ever made. Spielberg has accomplished a glorious feat by taking the prospects of an alien invasion and making them seem real through holocaust and 911 references. Truly terrifying stuff here people. Tom Cruise I've a wonderful and Oscar worthy performance as the after and Dakota Fanning joins him in the same caliber. Another standout in the film is hottie Justin Chatwin who does an ice job by making his character memorable. i'm telling you right now when going to see War f the Worlds you have no idea what to expect, no matter how much I or whatever others tell you. Just be Read to cover your eyes and grab hold of your seat. A-

FANTASTIC FOUR Fox 2005 Color 91 minutes Action-Fantasy Jessica Alba, Iaon Gruffurd, Michael Chicklis, Chris Evans and Julian McMahon star. Directed by Tim Story Rated PG-13 for adult themes and violence So how fantastic is the new comic book flick Fantastic Four. Well I'm happy to say that it's pretty fantastic. Now don't get me wrong this film is by no means intelligent, ground breaking, creative or even semi original. But it doesn't pretend to be. it's nothing more than dumb fun and it's slightly refreshing to a see a film of such caliber. Director Tim Story of the highly enjoyable and under appreciated Taxi takes a hot cast of 5 and turns four of them into a superhero squad and one of them into a villain. thats basically the premise it's not much more except that they fight. And yes they actually really do fight. The spfx are pretty good and well used and the acting is acceptable for the film. Surprisingly Jessica Alba looks gorgeous and doesn't suck too bad. Ioan Gruffurd of King Arthur fame does a nice job of filling out his hunky suit. Making him the film's more mature looking and minded sexy guy. Michael Chicklis looks very cool and plays the part well as the Thing. Julian McMahon of Nip/Tuck turns in a sexy performance as Doom and the standout performance here is really mega sexy Chris Evans. whose undeniable comic appeal and likability makes him the films real star. Plus the fact if it was just him waling around near naked or in aform fitting suit the entire film that would along be the price of a movie ticket. God look at those abs and that ass. Whew! alright let me stop. Anyways the film is dumb fun. The first real summer flick to come out this year in my opinion. Check it out! you won't be disappointed if you know what to expect. B+

Dark Water Touchstone 2005 Color 116 minutes Horror-Drama Jennifer Connely, Tim Roth, Doughray Scott and John C. Reily star. Directed by John Sayles Rated PG-13 for adult themes and language. OK so no one will walk out of Dark water complaining that the film was loaded with a bunch of cheap jolts, cause there weren't any jolts at all. I can definitely have respect for a film thats willing to take the slow suspense drenched approach to terror. But if there is no suspense or delivery the wait is just not worth it. Connely gives it her best as a young mother whose in a horrid custody battle with her supposed cheating ex husband. Trying to find a new place to live she decides on a rundown apt building with a knack for dark corridors and even darker water from faucets, washing machines and ceilings. I'm not sure how long the film takes over in and i don't really care top be honest but eventually she realizes that the spirit of a young girl is stalking her family. Being a fan of the superior and wonderful original Japanese film. I felt especially cheated walking out of this redo. Besides not offering much of anything new and what was new was convoluted, silly or just plain questionable the film also did own up to the originals powerhouse scenes or the tear inducing and nightmarish finale. And I must tell you it's kinda hard for me to dislike a film. I enjoyed The ring remakes and The grudge immensely but this movie just turned me sour. It's dull, drab and excuse my language just plain boring. The film does little in the way of building suspense, a coherent story or even developing its characters. Connely and the rest of the staff do their best with the material but the film is just directed all wrong. It wants to be a classic ghost story. And it's true in most cases that less is more. However this film has less than the original and there wasn't much to begin with. Especially the laughable dark water drenched finale that completely was out of place. All in all I say go out and rent the original or just buy it. there's no need to waste your money of this diluted version. C-