As I Am (2019) Poster

(2019)

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6/10
A Flat-Pack Film
Desrio17 November 2021
You've seen this film before. You have!

Well, maybe not this exact one, but you've seen all its components in other movies - just in a different order perhaps.

Let's have a look at those components:

Elegiac film about a last summer of innocence? Check!

A sensitive aspiring writer whose best friends seems to be unlikely choices? Check!

A sensitive aspiring writer who wants to leave his small minded, small town? Check!

And those best friends - is one a bland but pleasant enough character who is really just a means of allowing us to hear the sensitive writer's thoughts, and does the other one provide comic relief? Check?

And although the friends say that they too want to escape town, does it become clear that they don't because they are suited to small-town life and will never leave? Of course!

How about a seemingly unattainable girl who barely notices the sensitive writer? Yep, got one of those!

Does she have a two-dimensional insensitive brute of a boyfriend who is an obstacle standing in the way of true love but who mysteriously seems to have convinced the girl he should her boyfriend? You bet!

I know. What about a wild animal that acts as a metaphor for freedom and may or may not have some kind of metaphysical role as well? From start to finish!

Add to this a script that treats the female characters as nothing more than cyphers; completely lacking any kind of inner life, some 'they all look the same' racist stereotyping, and an ending, rounding off two very long hours, that helps tie up the loose ends but which is morally very suspect indeed, and you have As I Am (Philophobia, in some markets).

I was being very generous when I gave the film six points. Really, don't bother.
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6/10
Adolescence is the most difficult period ...
yasin-998967 March 2021
A film about teenagers, 17 years old at the end of high school. The film takes place focusing on a teenager and the passion he has for a colleague of his. The film follows adolescent psychology. Unfortunately, the film has many "dead times", many boring moments, many weak dialogues, devoid of substance ... for all this, grade 6 seems to me to be high enough.
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7/10
Beautiful cinematography...
mldtherapy30 January 2021
Just watch it. There's some profundity in there, that we old fogies all recognise, and teenagers will benefit from seeing it on screen.

And some truths, in that the teenage world is still learning how to navigate the 'new normal', post the #MeToo revelations. It's not a world we want them to still be inhabiting, but it's a fact that many of them still are. Hopefully that will change soon. It's not the job of this director to make that happen.

I thought the portrayal of the teenage mind and relationships was well handled, in the time allowed.

Lovely location in the Cotswolds, England (UK).

I'm glad I watched it. Well done Guy Davies, in his directorial debut.
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7/10
Engaging story, perfectly cast
carol_laidlaw4 November 2020
I got to see this film almost by accident. I wanted to see one more film before they close down cinemas in England again, and this one sounded the least worst of an uninspiring bunch of films that were showing this week. I'm glad I chose it. It was unexpectedly good. It has the kind of character-driven plot I like most and the story is slow moving but it draws you in and holds your attention through all the turns of the plot, right to the end.

It's probably difficult to put anything really new into a coming of age film, and this has a few familiar tropes - the love triangle, lads doing reckless stunts, discovering sex, the end of school prank . What distinguishes it is that it is perfectly cast and the actors' performances are exactly right. Also that it well conveys the separateness of the teenage world. The adults have little to do with the young character's lives and none of them seem to have fathers still living at home. It's also very cinematic and makes good use of the landscape in the Five Valleys area of the Cotswolds, where it wasfiled.. It was only subsequently that I found out that this is the director's first film. I also found that it has had a few dismissive reviews in the mainstream press, including one in The Guardian that was frankly rude. It deserves better. A pity that the cinemas are being closed again only a week after it was first released. Maybe it will get another run after the 2nd December, if the British government doesn't extend the lockdown.
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4/10
Oh dear...
MovieKinged22 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Laughably stereotypical. The Lead girl, Grace, is dating your stereotypical bad boy. But she kinda likes the Lead good boy (Kai) and will lead him on multiple types, get him to help her study, say that she will break up with the bad guy but doesn't, says she likes the good boy then tells him to go away after he comforts her (Nearly destroying his exam after all the confusion and upset of it all) But suddenly when Kai gets with another girl, Grace wants him again (SHOCK!) So Grace dumps the bad boy, now the bad boy is angry he wants to go kill the other guy Grace likes and takes Kai in his 4x4 with him to do it (it wasn't made clear if bad boy actually knew it was Kai she dumped him because of) the car crashes, good boy Kai gets out the wreckage but leaves the bad boy in there to burn to death. Little Grace comes along to the field Kai has run to and hugs him all innocent like she's not done a thing wrong, yeah, don't worry about the guilt Kai will live with for the rest of his life, at least he can have s*x with a pretty girl with no personality.... Until the next bad boy comes to town :)

Saved you a watch... Although it's actually watchable because its saved by the camera work and styling plus a few cool scenes and lines here and there, just be prepared to put up with the childish nature of it. It makes Men and Woman look equally 1 dimensional and does neither any favours. Men are either ape-like brutes or people that fawn over every hot woman they encounter and will do anything to have them... even let another man die. Woman are portrayed to be weak and seemingly have no use other than for s*x.
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10/10
Hard Choices of Adolescence
Vivkon20 October 2019
As with most movies that involve a mystery, "Philophobia" reveals the secret life of adolescence within a rustic setting. The forest is the central set for the performances, wherein romantic dreaming, testing friendships, exercising of liberties and independence are all manifested. Inconsistency in storytelling is justified by the final scenes.

All scenes are full of loneliness and searching. Building friendships and romantic experience is undercut through growing up in the single-mom families. There are no images of fatherhood, i.e. children do not have communications with male-parents. This gap in revealing the father-children relationships since the beginning of the movie warns about vulnerability of those teens. Their misbehaving can be explained by the absence of the paternal presence.

The main character, Kai, goes through various challenges during the movie. Kai's choices separate the movie into the chapters. First dilemma - girlfriend Grace, second - boyfriend on that girlfriend, Kenner. Kai's decisions are not consistent, his mind vacillates. The final scenes show that moral choices are hard, but they direct the pathways in people's lives.
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2/10
Masterpiece?
marv-6286321 December 2019
Coming-of-age novels and films are a dime a dozen. In the latter category my favourites are Bambi and American Graffitti and, from over the pond, If...

Being commonplace mean writers struggle to find a new take, avoid well-trodden ground, and to say something that has not been dramatized many times over. Even more so when the story comes from personal experience and the writer/director can fall into the trap of believing that their own life is uniquely interesting, and that an audience will be captivated.

Kai (Joshua Glenister) lives in a dead-beat town in rural England, a place where love is heterosexual and the drugs extend to a bit of weed. It is a universal adage that when being raised in the stifling boredom of the boon-dogs, brainy kids like Kai want to escape and reinvent themselves elsewhere.

He and his friends are still in high school, they are tackling their final exams, and the results will determine whether they are trapped in this town for life, or whether they can cast off the shackles never to return.

The story unfolds through Kai's eyes and this inevitably leads to the second great theme of this genre. Love. It's in the title too: Philophobia is the fear of falling in love, although this does not appear to be a problem for Kai as, at the start of the film, he watches from his bedroom window as Grace, the local hottie (Kim Spearman), undresses in the house opposite. Despite her having zero personality, the girl of his dreams is, unfortunately, already hitched. Her boyfriend Kenner (Alexander Lincoln) is a bit of brute, the type of guy you really wouldn't want to mess with or meet in a dark alley. (We know he's a brute as he wears manky shades, an even mankier fur overcoat in the height of summer, and is mean to his women.) Still Kenner isn't interested in personality. He wants a living sex doll to satisfy his carnal lust.

And that's the story: will Kai do well enough in his exams to escape and, at the same time, can he steal the girl of his dreams without Kenner pummelling him into the ground? (NB: it is very quickly established that Kai is the only one who in fact wants to escape.)

The action takes place over a few weeks in the story - and over two hours in the film - and is played out by an ensemble cast, and a stag.

The ensemble are Kai's school friends, a mixed bunch that includes Megsy (Jack Gouldbourne)s, ginge-headed, regular Joe comedian from Wales. (Correct: he hasn't got a lot going for him so he has understandably resigned himself to spending the rest of his life in this town.) Chang (Windson Liong ) is another friend and is essential to the sub-plot as he is Chinese and as all Chinese look the same (yes this joke (sic) is said in the film by the way) he won't be recognized when a bit of foolishness takes place as the friends organize a final piece of mischief to celebrate their final day at school.

The stag (uncredited) has appeared in a long list of films, some good and some bad, and plays an enigmatic cypher that would have done Michelangelo Antonioni proud.

There is not a lot more I can say about the storyline as this would give away what little drama is found in this gossamer thin plot - a plot that possibly was a straight lift from the writer's teenage diary: 'I got up, cleaned my teeth, went to school, had a laugh, played with my mates, went back home, went to bed dreaming of this girl.'

So who should see this film? Not you. I have seen it twice on your behalf and believe me, I have lost five hours of my life that I will never regain. However, if you are a budding author, writer or film maker then go, and use it as a movie version of 'Clichés for Dummies' so you know what NOT to include in your masterpiece. Believe me this film is a series of clichés from start to finish. Hundreds of them. In it might be due an entry into Guinness World Records. In fact not one scene is cliché absent, I write with my inner voice rising.

I could leave it there but that would be unfair even though I had to sit through over two hours of mind-numbing baloney at a Festival where the organizers should know better. And twice, as I wrote above, because I wanted to just check that the worst film I've seen in a long time was not some bad dream and I'm being unfair.

But let's be constructive here. Since I saw it in October, it has picked up some awards. Bravo. The music is strong, and the cinematography stylish. The cast act their hearts out as they battle the script. Surely it can't be that bad. I'm afraid it can.

Firstly it has nothing to say although it should be applauded for the neat trick of making a coming-of-age story as dull, vacuous, and unmoving as creek water.

The use of these poor actors was a waste: cardboard cut-outs would have sufficed as it would be pushing it to suggest that the characters as written are even one-ink)dimensional. There is no sense why they have formed a natural group of friends other than none of them appear to have fathers (pushing things statistically I think), I had no sense of what the town they lived in was like other than it appeared to be in the middle of some pretty country, and was patrolled by a policeman out of Hot Fuzz. Frankly I didn't connect with any of them one or care where they would end up once they'd graduated from school.

There is a rather nasty vein of voyeurism running through the film (I've just clicked - perhaps that's why the stag appears); the girls appear to be no more than clothes hangers who get their clothes off and take part in some decidedly poor taste sex scenes. (OK so it will appeal to middle-aged men who wear cowboy boots and untucked shirts but who don't want to be seen entering a strip joint.)

If you do leave early don't worry - the ending is an irrelevance.

This is a coming of age story and yes, it can be hard to find something new to say but then the trick is to find a non-conventional way of saying it. The film makers here didn't get that far.
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10/10
Blown Away!
tommorley-1798223 January 2020
Guy Davies' Philophobia blew me away when I saw it at PÖFF. Beautiful cinematography, fantastic acting and a story that made me laugh, gasp, swear at the screen and I'm not ashamed to say shed a little tear. I can't recommend this movie enough. Everyone should see it! Indie films are the one.
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2/10
Felt like an extended edition of Hollyoaks
johnnyclements4 February 2024
Formulaic, low budget, average acting, below average script - bored me quite early on and never regained my interest.

It felt like a teen soap opera - so I guess some will like it. As a teenage coming of age drama it's all been done before and this had nothing new to add to the drama.

The plot revolves around a group of friends who live in a small town, some of them long to escape - it's set during a summer of final school exams - but it's all been done before.

There are some fairly interesting scenes - mostly involving the one actor who has since gone on to do other things, but overall I was underwhelmed.
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1/10
Just dont
darriusrhine3 July 2021
It would be more fulfilling to spend 2 hours screaming in a dark room than watching this. The dialogue is constantly bland and adds nothing. There is a good movie in here somewhere but it's about 20 minutes long. The extra 100 minutes is literally meaningless.
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9/10
Stunning
Milaaaa198216 February 2020
Philophobia is beautiful from start to finish. Visually and narratively, it excels in fully immersing you into this small town coming-of-age story. Yes, the run time is long and it is worth every minute!
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10/10
Surprisingly encaptivating
aambnhhk6 November 2020
A superbly shot and emotionally captivating coming of age story with a strong and authentic cast. Went to watch without seeing or hearing anything about the film and was engrossed the whole 2 hours.
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9/10
Reverence for Youth
pdscott-240658 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Philophobia is a magnificent debut feature by young writer/director Guy Davies. Set in and around the natural beauty of the Stroud Valleys, Philophobia follows a group of young male friends and the protagonist Kai's relationship with the appropriately named young woman 'Grace' played by Kim Spearman.

I watched Philophobia at a film festival in the UK on the big screen. The overall 'look' and colours of the film are stunning. The film spent almost two years in post-production, and to do it full justice, you should watch it in a cinema.

Philophobia is a tender and visually stunning work and yet not at all sentimental. The film's characters have hard choices to make about their lives and in the summer after leaving school face a lot of uncertainty. Life's choices are asymmetric which, is to say that we often only know what we need to know about choices, after they are made. The group of friends lean on each other in the face of the unknown changes and challenges lying ahead in their next life stage.

The reverence the director holds for young lives and friendships is apparent throughout the film. The script is very original and mostly shot in the beautiful outdoors. Davies gets the best out of his actors who produce superb performances. Josh Glenister who plays Kai delivers an excellent nuanced interpretation of his character and is captivating as a young writer in bloom who is inspired by nature and by his muse Grace. There are also some tasteful sexy scenes to make you hot under the collar.

The film also has some important moral messages. Without having a copy of the script available, I will have to rephrase but the gist was as follows: 1) It is cruel to pretend that you like/fancy someone when you don't. Even the protagonist falls short of this mark more than once. It is another hard choice we face, when we flirt; How sincere is the flirtation? 2) One of the group of friends refers to themselves as 'good guys'. This is then thrown into doubt. Do we often assume we are good when in fact we might be better described as self-absorbed and inoffensive?

At a couple of important points in the film, we are surprised by the appearance of a stag. This would seem to highlight the absence of older male role models / fathers in the lives of the young group of friends and is a nice touch.

Interesting fact: Guy Davies wrote the script for this film based off an original story by Matt Brawley who he grew up with in the locale of the film. They also founded a film production company together 'Zebrafish'.

On a final note, I would like to warn about an all too simple mistake to make. And that is too think that this film is sexist. The film is written and directed by a young man and was originally conceived to show how close the bonds of friendship are amongst groups of young men. We are all looking out of our own windows and interpret life through our own experience. The director draws on meaningful experiences from his own life, and I think it would be a cheap shot to criticise him for that.
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9/10
Underrated. One to settle down and watch closely.
alfiemoviegoer1 February 2021
Beautifully filmed, with an engaging cast and an often dreamy and immersive style.
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10/10
Immersive, thought-provoking, british coming-of-age comedy
mark-i-898 February 2021
British banter balances the darkness of the protagonist's melancholy as the uneasy teenagers come to face the end of the world as they know it. The characters each have to grow, however reluctantly, and as we all know there are laughs and tears along the way.

In Philophobia, the measured plot plays with the viewer, with pregnant pauses frequently inviting you to expect one result before unpredictable yet plausible twists remind that this isn't the average, glossy, "schools out" flick. The journey has everything.

There is a high production value, but again thankfully not chasing the tabloid route. In keeping with the story it is clearly a labour of love and it makes for an outstanding work of art. There are happenings, but the evolution of the narrative overarches. Both small spaces and sweeping countryside are respected whilst being brought to the complement the developing events with a masterful taste for light, colour and score - ensuring that this is a piece that will remain stirring and emotive for years to come.
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10/10
Outstanding
jyoung-410-84001712 October 2020
Outstanding piece of work. First-rate storytelling, and fine nuanced performances from the leads; the guys and gas are all very credible. Contemporary coming of age stories don't get much better.
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10/10
The Passage of Youth
droly-776-1375231 January 2021
A fantastic film that draws you in from the first frame. The story centres on the last few days of high school and the dilemmas that the protagonists face in regards to the rest of their lives. The acting is on point with the two main characters Kai (Joshua Glenister) and Grace (Kim Spearman) giving outstanding nuanced performances. The cinematography creates a dream like feel and the locations range from gritty (the library roof) to tranquil (the lake in the forest). It has some light hearted moments mainly provided by Kai's two best friends, but these are shown with a naive youthful innocence rather than stereotyped teenage crudeness. The film has to be appreciated with the vain that it was made. It is a low budget British Independent film that looks so much more than that. Don't expect a lot of cliched moments or Hollywood glamour. This is a film that almost every British teenager should be able to relate to, the last days of innocence before the realities of the real world.
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10/10
A Remarkable Film
aw-7221514 November 2020
A brilliant coming of age film, describing the raw emotions of that age when you are too old to be a child and too young to be an adult. The lead actor's (Joshua Glenister) emotional performance belied his age. An amazing film worth watching.
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