Reviews

Let's summarize this quickly: CGI garbage. This film has: cgi backgrounds, cgi vampires, cgi fog, cgi flames, cgi vampires. And it looks like a video game cut scene.

Last voyage of the demeter was done better in the BBC mini series Dracula. This trash has a cgi Dracula looking like a reject from the disney gargoyles series attacking sailors in what is a cheap copy of alien at sea in the 1890s. But with no originality or tension.

Over 2 hours the plodding boredom makes this the cinema equivalent nyquil. A mind numbing slog. The actors stand out like they are pasted over the terrible cgi horizon. The cramped sailing ship is now a 4 story fortress at sea with 10 foot ceilings.

Dracula is a cgi joke. Chatacterless, under developed, not threatening. An emaciated bat. Pathetic on screen. The gore is muted and underwhelming. The story is dull, full of plot holes, bland and uninspired.

Anyone who likes this has no taste in horror. 80s horror fans will be disappointed the wasted their money. Even in a Walmart bargain bin this isn't worth $4.99. I wish I could get my money back.

Don't waste your time on this trash. Don't waste your money. There is nothing to recommend. Like Dracula at a fresh neck...this sucks hard.

Troubled and neglectful parents let their child have a dirty teddy bear from a creepy old man. After ignoring the kid at a park they hear a scream and find her bleeding from the mouth with the gory bear.

The nest is a body horror parasite film where the body horror gets forgotten and foreshadowing means nothing.

A parasite infested teddybear comes from an old house where the occupants have become a brood hive for these things. The bug like creatures hide in the ominous looking stuffed toy. Erupting suddenly to force their way down the throats of victims to use as hosts.

Sounds cool? Yup. To bad the writers ignore it. The bugs can erupt from the teddybear and infect anyone suddenly and rapidly..until they can't. Infection causes co dependence, trance like behavior and hording...unless it doesn't. All turned are loyal and dependent on the first infected little girl...unless they are not.

Only the recovering drug addict mom sees what's happening. Shots of her c section scar and her infected child's desperation to be physically close hint at a gruesome physical combination to a lovecraftian horror that would be the queen of "the nest". But it turns out that all meant nothing. Mom just gets infected and sits in the basement vomiting eggs into teddy bears and eating sugar. The end.

The nest is short on gore, unlikable, inconsistent and ultimately a bad movie. Terrible writing. A very poor cast. Mediocre effects are used so sparce they may as well not exist. The big issue is that if this infected child bleeding from the mouth been given any medical diagnosis the bug would have been found. As they are shown to stay in the throat and mouth mostly. The plot ignores this so we just assume an unconscious and hemorrhaging from the mouth child was taken home with her blood sosked bear to sleep it off.

Dull, dark and wishing for atmosphere but settling for existing, The Nest is a movie you can skip and never miss. I think the writer should be banned from working on any future films and the distribution company should have to pay ever person who had to watch it $5.

Remember night of the living dead? The 1960s black and white that showed us humanity was its own worst enemy. Well what if zombies were an earthquake? Asked no one.

In Eli Roth's laziest film a group of friends become trapped in a dangerous hellscape of greed and panic after a major earthquake. Sounds good? Don't worry. Eli makes sure to throw in a bunch of undeveloped blank criminals so he can film a few rape scenes and add a completely unbelievable and unnecessary purge vibe.

The film had the chance to show how friends can turn on each or defend each other. Show the horror and danger of panic, rubble, desperation, and collapsing buildings. Instead it descends into a rapey slasher that leaves you wondering why you bothered watching the 3rd act.

The entire under developed criminal sub plot that made the last 3rd could be cut and leave a haunting film about human responce to disaster. Where fear, uncertainty and nature are the most deadly enemy. But clearly Eli Roth is not capable of actual plot development here and just gave up. Even his signature gore is muted and dull here.

Poorly shot, poor character development, terrible script and a predictable bad ending the only rattle in aftershock should come from you throwing it in the trash.

Did you love the awsome looking fast paced trailer? Good, go watch that for 2 hours 28min and you will have a better time.( mild spoilers ahead)

Army of the dead is Zach snyder tring to shoot zombieland based on someone who has never seen it describing the trailer to him. This bloated mess has it all. By which I mean too much. And most of that too much is straight up plagerisim. This is like if a fan made a zombie movie playing loose with fair use. Army team of misfits sent against a false goal from predator? Check. Passing though a dark hall full of the light sensitive living dead from silent hill? Check. Special undead made only by the leader in a secret location from game of thrones season 1? Check. Zombie animals from game of thrones? Check. Crack team bank heist against the clock from hard rain? Check. Smart lead zombie from land of the dead? Check. Conflicted hero with a troubled family tortured by past decisions ( pick your movie) check. Lead special undead riding an undead horse from game of thrones? Check

Plagerisim of the dead is what happens when you storyboard a movie by cutting sections from the comics of 10 diffrent great movies. Then make it boring and out of focus. Blurry cam is everywhere in this movie. Like they were so desprate to hide cheap cgi they greased the lense. Dark scenes are saturated black in post and look cartoonish at times. Gore is pg13 at best with most people wrestling zombies with some red smudged on them. Gun sound effects I skipped ahead 10 minutes 4 times. And lost nothing. That's how slow this movie is.

If you can't sleep put on army of the dead. You have seen this movie a dozen times with better actors already anyway. So it will be easy to pass out from boredom to the youtube rewind of zombie flicks. The ending blows. Complete bummer.

Dave Bautista. Bro I know you back must hurt from carrying this turd. I feel for you. You did your best. But even you can't lift this movie up.

Pureflix does it again. By it I mean make a sloppy written mess with bad audio mixing. Get ready for struggling to hear while having your eardrums ruptured in this mumble mess that has background music constantly overwhelming the actors. A Cringe inducing script filled with stilted interactions plainly shows there were only two real actors in this film. Don't look for reality here. Between hospital staff sharing the personal identity of organ donors, police revealing the full name of minors involved in investigation, and more half assed crisis of faith then you can shake a stick at. This movie will pound two things into your head. The sound editor should be fired. And don't text and drive. Even though if you kill someone that was all God's plan and you will be totally forgiven. Yep in a world run by a puppet master we are all unwilling pawns in his murderous, mysterious ways. Save your time, money and ear drums. This cringe bait is not worth any.